see you later // Pablo Gavi

Chapter 12

𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒂𝒕 𝒎𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒔𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔, 𝑰 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕...

𝐌𝐘 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐀𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐆𝐄 𝐀𝐑𝐄... 𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐋, 𝐆𝐎𝐎𝐃. I'm not failing anything. I'm doing well in everything, actually. But, for some reason, I'm just not feeling fulfilled. I thought I would feel like I'm doing more than this. I don't feel fulfillment or success. I feel like I'm not doing what I should be. What fate calls me to do. But I don't know what fate would be calling me to do, if it's not this.

I hate the idea of future and love it at the same time. I hate it because it seems so uncertain. I love it because it consists of nothing but new.

I stare at the wall of my bedroom. I'm not depressed. I've never been depression. But, to me, being unsure almost feels like depression.

When your life is all planned out, and you follow your path you drew for yourself so long ago, and something just doesn't seem right, it's hard. It's uncomfortable.

It's uncertain.

There is knock on my bedroom door. "Come in?" I ask, as Aggie is already opening the door, before I even finished giving my permission. I don't mind. We're so close, whatever I was doing, I'm sure it wouldn't have surprised her. All three of us know basically everything there is to know about each other.

Aggie comes in, sitting next to me on my bed, saying, "Hey, Em. What's up? Like, how's school? Everything going good?"

I sigh, then explain my thoughts to her about that, ending with, "I'm just not sure, you know? Like, I don't know what I should do..."

She nods thoughtfully, in her natural way. She is the most quiet and thoughtful one out of the three of us, I think. I think me and Charli are more the go-getter, have-lots-of-fun types. "I should think about that. Obviously, there is something missing. If you aren't content, then there is something you want, then, right? So just ponder on that. What do you really want, that you're not getting? And you don't need to stress it if it takes you a little while to figure that out. We're all still young. You're very young. Only eighteen. You've got your whole life ahead of you. So just think about it, you know? Keep on the path you're on, and just remember, you can always switch, right?"

I grin at Aggie, nodding, before saying teasingly, "You're so deep. Sometimes you just the spurt the most calming, deep, things."

She laughs, rolling her eyes. "It really isn't that deep. Actually, if you think about it, it's pretty simple."

"I guess that's the difference between you and me," I shake my head, still smiling, but now softer. "You actually think about things. I just do, do, do. I don't stop and smell the roses, you know? I'm speeding through life, always thinking of the next thing. I should be more like you in that way, Aggie. So thanks. Actually. Thanks a lot."

"Of course," she smiles. "That's what friends are for, anyway, right?"

I nod, smiling. Aggie really is the sweetest. She's always been so gentle, wise, and understanding, all throughout middle school and high school.

We sit in silence for a few minutes, doing nothing but enjoying each other's company, before Aggie finally says, "So, how are things going with that boy? The way you described him, it sounds like you really liked him, but you nearly never talk about him. I just find it a little strange. I mean, the whole thing is a little strange, though, when I think about it. Just the concept of Ember Escarro with a boyfriend is quite and interesting thought." I can tell there's some amused teasing in her voice. I can't even feel truly teased, though, because only I know that I actually don't have a boyfriend.

Of course, out of everyone, Aggie would be the one who would notice such things, and be concerned about it. I'm sure something like that just would never, ever cross Charli's mind. Like me, she lives in the moment, hardly taking time to wonder and reflect.

"Well, you know, as I said, he wants to keep things private. Trust me, if I could I would love to talk about him with you guys, but just like I'm loyal to you and Charli, I also have to be loyal to my boyfriend, you know? But believe me, he is always on my mind. And I know I've always been so against dating and men and all  that, but this boy... He's, like, the perfect one for me. We like enough of the same things to be interested in each other, but differ on enough things not to argue about things. We aren't too similar." When I'm finished speaking, I am surprised, and slightly nervous, to realise that most of the things I just said is completely true and what I really think about my relationship with me and Gavi.

I know, then, that I'm in the danger zone, if in my head, I'm thinking of a guy friend like I would a boyfriend. I have to be really careful. I'm being stupid. I just need to remind myself of all the reasons I wouldn't want to date Pablo Gavira.

The thing is, it is actually quiet difficult, too difficult, to think of things like that. Reasons that it would be a bad idea to date Pablo Gavira.

Then I think of one, and make this enough to convince me otherwise of my stupid, stupid feelings. Pablo Gavi would never, ever, on the face of all earth, fall in love with Ember Escarro. It just wouldn't happen. He has the princess of this beautiful country we live in to choose, if he really wanted. He wouldn't waste his time on some low city girl like me who is afraid of boys and would rather just go out and get drunk. He's too good for that. Way too good. He's way out of my league, so I shouldn't even ponder on such things, for that reason, among others, but that reason being more than enough.

I have been thinking about Gavi way too much lately, and it's kind of worrying me.

I can't get swept up by some stupid boy like this. I've done so good all these years at avoiding that.

So what is it about this boy that I just can't seem to push out of my head?

Doctor, please give me medicine. Are there any pills, shots, or treatments that can cure this terrible disease I have? It's a common disease; you may have heard of it before. I think a pretty common term for it is 'love'.