see you later // Pablo Gavi

Chapter 33

𝑰 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒃𝒖𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒇𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒙𝒕 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝑰'𝒍𝒍 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖.

𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐈 𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐄, 𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐈𝐄, 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐈'𝐒 𝐀𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓, 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐒𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐂𝐇, 𝐖𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐄𝐅𝐋 𝐆𝐀𝐌𝐄, 𝐒𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐂𝐇. Aggie is knitting. She's such an old woman.

Aggie and Charli grin when I walk in, and Aggie says, "How was your time with your boyfriend?"

"Uh, fine," I say tiredly, walking past them to my bedroom, not in the mood for any conversations with anyone. I know I will make them concerned, but I don't care, honestly. I know they will question me later, and I guess I'll just have to deal with lying about everything later. But right now? Right now I flop on my bed, too sad to be awake. Actually, not even sad. Just... emotional. And I hate being emotional. So maybe I'm sad because I'm emotional, now that I think about it? I don't know.

I don't know how he can do this to me. He has made me emotional. I hate it. I hate him. But I don't hate him. I don't want to love every single little thing about him with my whole heart, but I do, and I hate that. Maybe I hate myself for it. Either way, I sure do hate something right now, whatever that may be.

For the next week, I'm out of it in classes. The teacher asks me what is wrong. I tell her I'm having relationship problems, and I'm not sure if that is a lie or not. I don't even care about classes anymore. I want to quit. And I might. But I'd hate myself even more if I did that. My grades are dropping, and I don't care, and that upsets me. I've been ignoring my friends. All my friends. Including Gavi. He has given up on texting me, which is good, at least. I don't want to deal with him. Maybe if I just distant myself from him, ignore him... Stop being friends with him? Maybe if I do all that, my feelings will go away. And I'll go back to normal. That's the hope. And that is what I'm trying now.

A little over a week later, Aggie catches me after classes before I can rush to my room, avoiding any conversation with my roommates. "Em, stop. Don't go to your room again." 

I freeze in my tracks, not turning around to look at her, and for some reason, a little too scared to. "What?" I ask.

"Can you sit with me on the couch? I want to talk with you... Charli isn't home right now. Just you and me. Just a talk, with you and me."

I swallow, feeling nervous, for some odd reason. But I nod, turning around, and stiffly sit down on the couch.

She puts an arm around my shoulders, saying, "Relax. Lean back. Don't be so stiff." Her voice is so sweet and soft, that I listen. She hands me a bowl of chips that is sitting on the coffee table. With no more thoughts, I start munching. After about a minute of silence, she says, slightly firmer, "Ember, something is wrong. Very wrong with you. And I'm so concerned. Especially since you came back from your trip. There is something you are refusing to tell us, and not just recently. I have had a feeling for quite a while now that you've been hiding something huge from us. I understand Charli can be a little... misunderstanding... sometimes, but I will be careful not to be. I just think you need to tell me now. I won't tell anyone, and I won't judge. I just need to know. I'm concerned, and I have a feeling all this is over this 'going out with your boyfriend' stuff. First, do you even have a boyfriend? Second, if you do, who is he? Third, if you do, what is he doing to upset you? And fourth, if you don't, then what are you hiding by saying you're going out with a boyfriend?" She called me Ember. Her eyes tell me how sincere she is being here. I wish Aggie didn't have such good observation skills and intuition! I can't hide anything from her for very long!"

For some reason, my voice cracks as I look down and say, "I can't tell you. I promised someone I... know. I promise someone I know that I would never tell anyone about him. And this is all about him."

"Is this that boyfriend guy?" she asks, gently rubbing my arm.

I snort in disbelief. "Yeah, I guess you could call him that. But I'll be as honest with you as I can be... He really isn't my boyfriend at all. Although I wish we was my boyfriend..."

"What is the situation, Em? You can tell me. Please tell me everything you can. I am concerned. I care, and I want to listen."

I nod, acknowledging how good of a friend she is in my brain. "There is this guy I know. We've been friends for a while. We became friends shortly after we moved to Barcelona, actually. He is great... a real sweetheart. And... yeah, well, I've fallen for him so hard. And sometimes he acts like he likes me. But then he friend zones me. And he's never asked me out, but he nearly has multiple times. I'm done with him. He's probably not even good for me. I've been distancing myself from him, hoping to lose my interest in him. Because I haven't seen or called or texted him... uh, well, things are just hard for me, is all." I find it interesting the way it is possible to speak so many words, but say nearly nothing of what I'm really thinking and feeling.

I know doing this is just going to make her more concerned and curious, but I have to get out of this conversation. I stand up and say, before she can respond, "Anyway, I'm tired. I'm going to have a nap now. Thanks for showing concern, but everything's fine. Thanks," I turn and go into my room as quickly as possible.

I feel kind of bad.

But at the same time, though, I could never really, fully, explain it to her, or anyone.

Except for maybe Pedri, now that I think about it.

Isn't it funny? I've only known Pedri a few months. I've known Aggie and Charli for years. Yet I can talk to him more than them.

It's funny the way things work sometimes.