see you later // Pablo Gavi

Chapter 39

~ Author's Note ~

I don't know if you noticed, but I have decided to sometimes use lyrics to songs as the quotes before chapters. Just thought it might be kind of cool.

There's like one censored swear word. I figure I should just keep warning you? Don't know why, though.

𝑳𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒚 𝑰'𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒍𝒆𝒆𝒑, 𝒅𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒘𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒃𝒆. 𝑩𝒖𝒕 𝒃𝒂𝒃𝒚, 𝑰'𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒑𝒓𝒂𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒅. 𝑺𝒂𝒊𝒅 𝒏𝒐 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒅𝒐𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒓𝒔. 𝑾𝒆'𝒍𝒍 𝒃𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒔.

𝐈 𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐊 𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍 𝐂𝐑𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆. No, not crying. Not exactly. Not fully. Fully, I am sobbing. Choking on my tears.

And I start running down the road that still remains, towards him, sobbing because I'm broken and insane. I stumble, catch myself, and keep crying and running as fast as I can.

Love and regret combined can drive a person insane, I guess.

Without thinking, I leap onto the hood of the car next to him. I don't take any time to even see his face or anything. I do this without any thinking. I grab his tight black shirt that only hours ago I was admiring in both my fists, and sob into his chest, blubbering out through my crazy sobbing, "Pablo, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I regret it. I was drunk. I wish I never did that. I'm sorry. Please, please, would you forgive me? I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I am not quiet sure where 'Pablo' came from. I ever never called him that. I have already just referred to him as 'Gavi'. Always. Even in my strange fantasies I've had about him, it has always been Gavi. Never his first name, Pablo. But here, right now, it just flows out from my lips, much like the tears that are flowing from my eyes. And for some reason, in this moment, it just feels right to call him Pablo. I couldn't explain why, but I just know.

Time doesn't pass like it normally would here. I continue saying those words, 'I'm sorry' to him, over and over, just needing him to say something. Push me away, even. Do something. But he doesn't seem to, for a while. I'm not sure how long that while is though, because time ran away from us. I don't think it is too long, though. Perhaps a minute, but it feels too long.

Finally, though, he does do something, and the thing he does greatly surprises him. It is not what I expected. I expect him to push me away. Or insult me. Or curse me out. Or something.

But no, he doesn't.

Instead, his strong, toned, protective feeling arms are suddenly around my body, holding me. I don't move, simply shocked. So shocked. Why... why does he have his arms around me? Isn't he mad at me for what I've done? The horrible thing I've done? Isn't he fuming? Why isn't he mad?

He sits there like that, and shortly after, he rests his head on top of mine, his eyes closed, connecting with the top of my scalp. I take a moment to breath. Gasp for breath. I stop saying sorry, and everything is silent. At least one of us is shaking- maybe both of us. It is hard to tell, as our bodies are now against each other.  There is a complete, empty, peaceful, awful silence. It is so quiet it echos. There are sounds, because the world never, ever, shuts up for just one second, but really, it is quiet. Nothing.

We are in a state of complete nothingness. It doesn't feel quite right.

After some time that I can't comprehend, because I'm still trying to focus on what exactly is really happening, Gavi leans away from me, and, using his hand, lifts my chin, forcing me to look up at him and meet his eyes. Those eyes look like melting dark chocolate now. There is water in them, but no tears will fall. His eyebrows are knitted together, his mouth in a downwards line, and he looks... like some emotion, but I don't know if I can figure it out. Concerned? Sad? Disappointed...?

"Pablo," I choke, tears streaming, even still. "I... I'm sorry and I... Gavi, I..." The words get lost in my throat. The lump in my throat is blocking any words from coming out. My local cords get all knotted, tangled, tied up. The words. Those words. I'm thinking them so loudly, and I need to say them, but I can't get them out. Pablo, I'm sorry and I love you. Pablo, I'm sorry and I love you. Pablo, I'm sorry and I love you. That's what I want to, need to, say to him, but I can't.

And then, just like that, Gavi finally starts speaking again. Maybe his vocal cords were tangled up in there, too, just like mine. And he says the words. Words that I have dreamed of so many sleepless nights. Words that I have yearned for, so long. Words that I need. Words that I don't deserve. Words that I now have. "Ember, I love you, okay? I love you." It's like magic. So much emotion in those eight words. Those eight magic words that have just slipped from his mouth.

Those beautiful, wonderful words.

It's like I really can't fully believe them. They actually have come. At last. At last, they have come.

"Pablo f***ing Gavi, I love you, t-" I freeze, because suddenly, his lips are on mine. I sit there frozen in shock, eyes wide and open. His eyes are shut, slightly tight, his closed eyes looking so serious and sincere. His beautiful shaped brown lashes like a curtain over his closed bottom eyelid.

His lips on mine are like heaven. So soft, kissing in the best way for a first with us. Simple and beautiful. That first kiss between the two of us, connecting us in a way that I love. That I would never want to let go.

Connected to him by his loving lips, which push against mine in a messy, imperfect kiss on the lips. It is just the right way for this to begin. Everything is so wrong, it's right. I made a mistake, but I'm forgiven.

I did something unlovable, and he still loves me.