Life ft Pain [completed]

Chapter 41 || The Other Side

Ruthira looked at him in confusion, "what"? "Remember last year before our Shimla trip I came home fully exhausted? I told you the college's intake was dropping"? "Yeah".

"Hmmm, it's that. During Aathira's birth, the college was sacking alot of staff and I happened to be one of them. Reason was simply because I've been working for too long and the newer staff will have newer methods.

So the newer ones got the first vacancies. The rest of us were ratioed down to three staffs to one vacancy. The board ruled out that we had to prepare a presentation on what kind methods we will apply and how we can efficiently conduct the lectures. Fucking ridiculous! A fucking presentation!

The other two colleagues I was competing with were with me since the beginning of my career. One was a single mom who had just sent her daughter overseas for studies and another one who's a father like me.

And finally when I did that stupid presentation with my everything, it had to be deleted. By who? My colleague who I was feeling bad to compete against. He deleted my presentation!

This was after her death. Everything was all over the place. The frustration, pain, anger, disappointment, sadness, everything was piling one on top of another.

I sucked at managing my emotions and the result was my foolishnesses. Anyways, eventually I did it all over again when I was with Ma and Pa at their house.

I couldn't concentrate in our house. Not because of you but because of how useless I was. Everything was my fault. I was never there for you. I was never there to see your pain. I was never there to help you.

Trigger Warning (Mention of Sucide)

All I did was... blame you. Like a dickhead, I blamed you for every single thing! The amount of guilt was so overwhelming, bachaa. I- I had to stop it. I resulted in cutting myself".

Ruthira snapped her head towards him in shock. "Why would you do that", she mumbled as tears made its way down. "You are asking me that", he wiped her tears. She looked away.

"Once at home, I- I was just doing my work. I heard a voice telling me that I didn't deserve to live. It was my own voice. And the next moment, I was sitting on the balcony railing. With both my legs out".

Ruthira gasped as she covered her mouth. Rudra sighed, while leaning back on the seat, "Nidra saved my life. She was crying in her sleep. That was when I realised what I was even doing. I quickly got off and closed the door shut.

I pushed all my dreadful thoughts away. Well, it did help for a few days. But exactly four days later, I was sitting in the same railing again. Then I decided, I had to get away from that place.

I only said one side of the truth of shifting out all along. I didn't want anyone to know about me. When- when you were in the hospital, it struck me that all along you were doing the same thing as well.