ateez family au

174

How bizarre.

Over 9 million people live in Seoul, and somehow it was quiet, they vanished and only Chan and Yunho were left. Bizarre, truly.

It was also bizarre that Yunho stopped crying at that very moment; what he had said left a void in his body.

And the most bizarre thing was, that, to Yunho's complete and utter surprise, the world didn't end.

All the anxiety he had felt when thinking about the unthinkable, the most obscure thought man had ever had, yet the most trivial in the real world, had vanished and had been proven wrong.

The world didn't end if he admitted it.

To Chan, to himself.

"Yunho ..."

Yunho's brain felt like exploding right in his skull. How bizarre.

"Somehow I feel more sorry about myself than for catching feelings for my best friend..." Yunho uttered, rather speaking to himself than the young man in front of him. "Humiliating..."
The cool breeze of the night seemed to hit him like a harsh wave of the ocean; cold, unforgiving and harsh. His head cleared and for a moment he felt like leaving his body. Rationally thinking, there had never been a reason to feel as disoriented as he had.

Watching him felt obscure and for a moment Chan was scared about Yunho's wellbeing. "Is... everything alright?" Chan asked almost shyly, unsure about the situation and how he was supposed to act. It did not feel right to continue as he would have; closing him in his arm, hugging him tightly until he was sure Yunho was alright. Neither did it feel right to just stand by. His body had already moved into a motion position, standing still at the same time. Overwhelmed and stressed, that was what he could identify between all the racing thoughts in his mind. "I promise you, this is a situation I can explain. It is very complicated, but we can explain... I must explain, I could not live with myself if I did not."

Expressionless Yunho looked at him, his first love; tall and handsome, sweet and a gentleman. All these things and yet he was dissapointed in him, in Chan. Because as a friend he had failed; and it did not matter the explanation. "I cannot believe it, look what this became... I want someone else's man... This is so embarrassing too..." The urge to bang his head against the helmet was huge, he overcame the frustration, just as he overcame everything.

He did, he had overcome everything.
An absent father in his childhood, paparazzi terrorizing his early childhood, years of bullying, being the eldest sibling and taking care of them... he had overcome his father and the obstacles in his path to his dream of being a dancer, he had over come everything and anything for a child his age.

This would just become meaningless in a couple of years.

"Chan I really hope whatever explanation you're going to legitimately pull out of your ass is plausible for my internal breakdown right now."

~~~

"Something isn't right I can feel it..."

"You mean... there is a disruption in the force?"

"... Hongjoong for the last time, too many jokes are too many jokes. I mean it. My heart feels heavy. Something is off."

The younger of the two sighed and rose from his seat on the armchair and sat next to his husband. "I like teasing you... You have been struggling with low blood pressure these days, maybe you're unwell again? Should i bring you something?" Hongjoong set his arm around Seonghwa's shoulders, awaiting any desire.

Seonghwa put away the script he was studying and lowered himself in his spouses arms. "This is parental instinct. Something is seriously off... Have you checked on the kids earlier? Everything was fine?"

"Counted twice and tucked them in myself. They are all fine." Hongjoong assured and pressed a light kiss to his husbands forehead. "Let me make you some tea and then we can lay down too, how's that?" he offered and was already off the couch, on his way to the kitchen. "You're working pretty frequent again, I'm sure you just miss spending time with them. Since they are over the age where they need us all the time, family life has become a little less relevant... Maybe we should plan more collective activities again?"

With lips pressed in a sad smile, Seonghwa followed to the kitchen and leaned against the counter. "I'm afraid they will feel like we are forcing ourselves onto them, especially Yunho, San and Yeosang. It is normal for them to be distanced at that age, yet... I can't believe their childhood is coming to an end..."

Holding two cups of tea, Hongjoong leaned forward and lightly touched their noses before he made his way out the kitchen, back to the living room, Seonghwa following him at his heels. "I regret being away for so long periods of time when they were smaller... Sometimes I feel like I missed the opportunity to form a bond with them as deeply as you have... I cannot believe our children are not children but young adults now either."

"Time seems to pass faster now, don't you think?" Seonghwa asked, sat next to Hongjoong and gladly accepted the cup of tea. "The older the bigger the issues," he addes, chuckled but a whim of melancholy swung in the sound. "It is hard to accept that we have done the best we could for them at that time, as our life slows down, I start to reflect a lot about their up-bringing"

"And that there was so much more we could have done?" Hongjoong put his cup down on the coffee table, his eyes focused on his wedding band. He still wore the first one, the cheap one he bought all those years ago, above it shone the new one. The old one had dulled over time, it was scratched and not perfectly round anymore, yet it reminded him of important times. "I doubt we would be reflecting as much as we are if we really did not do the best we could"

"I wonder how my parents learned to let go of all the self-doubt"

"They raised two extraordinary good men, one especially whose heart I know best. It is big enough to fit the world and sincere, a man i came to love with every cell of my body, the goodness, the flaws, the doubts and especially the genuineness, that's proof enough," Hongjoong said and reached out to hold his husband's face between his hands. "We are raising good people, that I am sure of. We are human and mistakes will always be done, what we can do is to accept them and learn. We have tried giving them every tool and knowledge they would need in this world... And we will stand behind them for every step they take as long as our hearts pump, that I am sure of... "

"I will cherish every memory i have, until i can no more..."

----

Ehe-

hiiiii yall :)

I wrote this instead of studying for my a-levels lol
freud would call this sublimation lol.

its almost there

like literally

i have like

3 weeks? until my math exam

i have literally lost all my decipline and i am so close to having a full on mental shut down because of it, it is a miracle i am still functioning

lowkey

the stress is so high in my body i can feel it but i have lost the decipline to make use of the fucken tension

i feel like a bomb haha

have have you guys been doing? tell me about it!

stay healthy!!

- gul