Avengers Texts

Tony's POV

Peter Parker was a dirty rat. He loved the kid and everything, but he was a conniving and sneaky little bastard. Tony unlocked the lab for him and then the little shit dragged him upstairs (he shot him with a few webs, actually, because he was being difficult). Peter stuck him to the kitchen counter.

"Sorry," he smiled.

"Traitor!" Tony cried.

"It's for your own good," he warned.

Natasha came down the stairs with a very unhappy Steve slung over her shoulder.

"Bruce passed out, so i've been charged with Spangles here," she huffed, setting him down next to Tony.

"I hate you," Steve muttered.

"Sure you do,"

"Why was I dragged here?" Tony asked. "I feel betrayed,"

"You two need to talk," Nat smirked. Peter mouthed sorry at him from behind her, but Tony still glared a hole into his skull.

"You had to ruin my clothes with your sticky junk for THIS?"

"Have you ever tried saying no to her? Have you? It's impossible! She's highly terrifying!"

"Thank's doll, you can go play," she smiled, shooing Peter away.

That evil child, leaving him alone with Natasha and Steve. Tony was so not giving him a car for his birthday anymore.

"So. Are you ready to stop being children and talk?" She asked slowly. Tony looked down and Steve became very interested in the ceiling pattern. "Alright then, we'll do this my way. S'more fun anyways,"

"Does your way involve sharp objects or pain?" Tony inquired.

"Only emotional pain," she assured, stepping away from them and pulling her phone out of her pocket (how the hell did she have pockets, isn't that suit skin tight? Does Cap have invisi-pockets too? Tony was so going to develop secret pockets).

"Where are you going?" Cap called after her. She waved a hand and hopped out the window.

"JARVIS! Did she just-"

"You are not permitted to leave the kitchen until Miss Romanoff is satisfied," JARVIS responded immediately. He sounded smug, that bastard.

"Well I can't leave anyway, the kid stuck me to the counter," he sighed, glancing over at Cap. "What does she want us to talk about?"

Steve shrugged.

"The outcome she and the others are hoping for is that you and Mister Rogers will become romantically involved,"

Tony snickered.

"So they locked me in my own kitchen to get me and Cap to hook up?"

"Yes, sir,"

"What exactly do they want?" Steve asked.

"According to Miss Hill's blog, kissing will suffice."

Steve turned grey. Tony felt a little insulted. He wasn't that bad- certainly not as bad as Bucky Barnes and oh my God Tony you did not just think that you are a horrible person and you are going to burn in Hell for eternity for thinking that what the fuck is wrong with you-

"That's it?" Tony asked suddenly, interrupting his own self deprecating thoughts.

"Yes, sir. They are not aiming for fornication in the kitchen, people eat here."

"You think you're so clever, don't you?"

"Yes, I do."

Tony rolled his eyes and looked at Steve.