Avengers Texts

Clint To Tony

<Hawk Bruh>

yo soo funny story
me & bruce & sam & nat & thor r chillin in the lab right
bruce is doin some science
me n sam r tryna convince thor to eat a poptart we poured chemicals on
nat's observing

<Hawk Bruh>

so we're doin that & then we c steve carrying moira over his shoulder, and shes wrapped in a duvet and shes got a bottle of blueberry vodka in one hand, box of chinese in the other
wHAT IS GOING ON???

<Stark Man>

her name is MARIA not MOIRA
she was lonely cos melindas out
so steve decided we should be her friends
speaking of which, arent u all her friends? y u not invite her to hang

<Hawk Bruh>

i keep forgetting her name ughhh
and bc she needs to be sleeping man
those meds u gave her r high grade sedatives

<Stark Man>

i thot so too but shes wideeeee awake

<Hawk Bruh>

okay so maybe shes got a powerful immune system

<Stark Man>

uh huh

<Hawk Bruh>

what was that

<Hawk Bruh>

that 'uh huh'
u thot of sumthin

<Hawk Bruh>

give it up man

<Stark Man>

hospital kids
im building stuff for the cancer stuff
not relevant

<Hawk Bruh>

oh yes i recall
does that mean my suit is delayed

<Stark Man>

shortly, yes

<Hawk Bruh>

okaaaay
i guess if its for the children

<Stark Man>

wow maria hill is fucked up
she srsly thinks melindas gonna die

<Hawk Bruh>

shes a worst case scenario girl when drunk
usually shes just macabre and sarcastic

<Stark Man>

truuuu
tell nat she might b sleeping with her?? idk

<Hawk Bruh>

aight

<Hawk Bruh>

nat says marie needs to get over it

<Stark Man>

she just made a noise like 'uwaaahuuughhhhhh'
shes an entertaining drunk

<Hawk Bruh>

y blueberry vodka thats so random

<Stark Man>

idk its probably good with the candy shes double fisting

<Stark Man>

fistful of candy, chinese, and a mouthful of vodka

<Stark Man>

shes doing it like salt lime tequila shots wtf

<Stark Man>

now shes talking about cannibalism???

<Stark Man>

according to her 'humans probabably tastes good like i dunno. like squirrel or like like goose. like a human goose. right steve?"

<Stark Man>

im thoroughly enjoying this

<Hawk Bruh>

L M A O

<Stark Man>

she just called me ron swanson
what the hell is a ron swanson

<Hawk Bruh>

its that guy on parks and rec

<Stark Man>

i dont watch that show
aziz ansari scares me

<Hawk Bruh>

oh come ON hes funny

<Hawk Bruh>

cant believe she called u ron swanson tho lmao

<Stark Man>

okay now shes sying she doesnt think u have nipples

<Hawk Bruh>

ME?!

<Stark Man>

yep

<Hawk Bruh>

ON WHAT BASIS?

<Stark Man>

shes never seen any evidence of them

<Hawk Bruh>

HMY GOD

<Stark Man>

also she says nipples are weird

<Stark Man>

"y do dudebrolios like- like y do u- do u have nipples, stevey, y r they- what do they do, what purpose do they... do they serve? y r they there, on u, what do u need them fo? u r manpiece u do not need a boob hat"

<Hawk Bruh>

DID SHE JUST SAY THAT

<Stark Man>

YEAH. IM DYING OF LAUGHTER

<Hawk Bruh>

SAME LMFAO

<Stark Man>

oh and now shes asleep

<Hawk Bruh>

that was abrupt

<Stark Man>

well it was a lot of vodka
and coming from a proffesional drinker like me, that says something

<Stark Man>

take in her small size & the amount of medication shes on, she should be dead

<Hawk Bruh>

umm

<Stark Man>

could be dead

<Stark Man>

okay she might be dead, give me a minute

<Hawk Bruh>

good work stark

<Stark Man>

you bet