Grace (Chapter 12)

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"Bras, check...panties, check...all of my make-up, check...shoes, check..."

I looked over everything on my list, making sure I had them in my suitcases.

"Looks like I have everything, and with time to spare", I said as I looked back at my clock.

I got accepted by a modeling agency in New York. My flight leaves in a few hours. I got my dream job, I'm excited.

I keep telling myself I'm excited but I don't quite feel like it. I thought about what Sarina said, that this is kind of like me running away.

"Grace?"

It was my mom, she knocked on the door before entering. When she saw me, she looked sad.

"All packed up", I said in a cheerful tone.

The same expression didn't resonate with her.

"Are you sure you want to do this Grace? You just graduated high school. Don't you want to spend more time here?"

"No mom. This is a rare opportunity; I don't want to miss it. Besides, I worked hard getting to where I need to be."

"I know. I just feel like, it's my fault you are even interested in this in the first place. I just...growing up, we didn't have much, especially food. Once I moved out and met your father, we worked hard to make sure you guys had plenty to eat. I didn't think of going overboard. It's hurts to know that it's my fault you were picked on for all these years."

I looked at the floor.

She never talked to me about it.

Growing up I always loved my parents. They did work hard to make me, my younger sister and my two older brothers happy. We didn't have lots of money, I didn't care about that. My mom loved to cook. She made our favorite things all the time. I ate, knowing it was my mothers love to us. When I realized I was the fat girl in middle school was when I started to feel self-conscious. I was made fun of, boys never looked my way, I hated it. I blamed my mom, she was the reason why I was fat. I distanced myself from her and started losing weight...not the healthy way. I dove into the dark world of bulimia. Before that, I researched my options on how to lose weight fast without my parents noticing. With bulimia I could eat all I want and then after dinner I would puke my guts out. I would do that all the time until I saw fast results, I was so happy. I was finally pretty, boys were paying attention to me. Once I started high school, I was the popular girl. My parents of course questioned my weight loss, I told them I joined sports and worked out often after school. They didn't think twice and were happy for me. I really thought bulimia was the answer until I learned the bad consequences from it. Hair loss, ulcers, teeth problems and more. Those things got harder and harder to hide. I tried to stop but the power of bulimia kept me on its leash.

I needed help but I didn't know how to get it. I didn't want to tell my parents because it would only worry them. This was all my fault, not theirs. That was around the time I met Sarina. I told her everything, I couldn't keep my secret inside anymore. She quickly became my best friend and the one who helped me towards recovery. While I could go to a clinic, we researched online on how I could get better. I stayed over her house many times, learning to eat right and exercise the right way. It wasn't easy but, with her help, she made it possible for me to get healthy again. Around the same time I met Javi who also learned about my condition. Thanks to him I got some financial help. His parents never really paid attention to his spending habits because he never used their money very often. He got me a good doctor and dentist. I got all fixed up, looking better than ever and then some.

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