Sarina Maxine

Andy (Chapter 43)

I'm surprised I wasn't called upon by now as I sat in my room, not wanting to do anything. The most I did was take a shower, it felt like I could wash away what I did, too bad that's not possible.

Last night replayed in my head over and over again.

It's like what I did in Greenwaters was by a different me. I didn't feel like myself when I did it but...I was in a bad spot.

"Andy. Finally time to come out of your dark hole. You can't just sit around and do nothing, you aren't that special", Isaac came over to say.

"I wasn't assigned anything. That's why I'm not doing much."

He rolled his eyes.

"You've been quiet the entire time since we got back. What? You're traumatized you stabbed a person? That's child's play. I didn't get shaken up when I first did it and I was a little kid. I knew you were weak."

"My reaction is normal, unlike yours."

"What did you say", he said between his teeth.

He marched over to me.

"Andy, there you are. We all missed you", Quinn came in to say, stopping Isaac.

"He's been here the entire time. You could have just dragged him out of his room", Isaac said.

"That's something you do. You're always mean to him, unlike me. Anyway, the boss wants you Isaac."

"What? I was just there", he complained.

"Not my rules. Get lost."

He let out a pout before storming off.

"He's such a brat", Quinn said.

"I guess."

Quinn came over to me, standing right before where I sat, he then kneeled down.

"You okay", he asked.

He never asks things like that, he doesn't care about anyone but himself.

"Yeah."

"I'm proud of you, you know that? Even though he's not dead, it's still something. Soon you'll use a gun and start killing without a blink of an eye."

"I don't—"

"There are lots of things we don't want to do. This isn't some church where you save people's souls. This is a crime organization, you have to do all kinds of things to survive."

"It's...not my job to do that anyway", I said.

"It's not your job to go around stabbing people either, but you did what you had to, right?"

"Yeah..."

"Don't let this get to you. Soon you'll become natural like me, I can see the potential in you."

He stood up and then offered his hand to me. I gave him a look, he knew I didn't like that. I stood up on my own. He suddenly engulfed me in an unwelcome hug.

"I was worried you weren't loyal to Cosen. I still don't really care about the organization but I have my own type of loyalty. I'm glad you're a part of it."

He pulled away to look at me.

"See, I'm your supporter. I always got your back, okay?"

"Sure."

"I have to go, boring meeting. See you around."

"Okay."

Quinn let go of me and then turned to leave.

I didn't say anything as he left. His behavior is so unpredictable, his emotions aren't legit either though I really think he was happy for what I did. Only someone like him would feel that way.

I walked over to my desk to sit and then turned on my computer. I started searching for the latest news in Greenwaters, there was an article already published about what happened at Hanson Entertainment headquarters. Looks like the cops gave them little to no information, makes sense.

As I was reading, Grace popped up in my head. I started thinking about her. I wonder how she's doing. I wonder what she thinks about me now that this all happened. Also, I wonder if she knows what I did. If she somehow finds out, for sure she would never see me as the person she thinks I am. She'll see me as a monster just like the rest of Cosen. I wonder if I should keep on trying to expose them or if I should just give in and become one of them. I hurt someone after all, that's exactly what they expected of me.

If I continue to try to expose them I have to keep on playing their game. Even if Grace changes her feelings for me, that shouldn't change who I really am. Nothing I can do can make me one of them. 

I just have to keep on trying.