Queen Of The Dons

Chapter 33

CARTER P.O.V.

By the time I realized it. The sun was coming up. I had sat in my car in my driveway all night staring out my window. I took a deep breath and got out the car. I went into the house and fell on my couch.

Can you take me to my moms? I'lan asked irritated coming down the stairs.

I'lan I have custody of you. You have to stay with me.

Why? I don't wanna live with you anymore!

Well I don't really give a fuck you don't have a choice.

I WISH YOU WOULD OF JUST STAYED IN JAIL! Life was so much better and easier when you was in jail and Asia was taken care of us! I hate you.

What the fuck you just say little girl?

You heard me! You ruined our family. We was perfectly fine until you came back around. Nobody bothered us and Asia was the perfect mom and Harmony was the perfect sister. Even my little brother was perfect but who knows when I'll see him again because of you.

I'lan you don't know what you talking about take yo ass to yo room.

No!

Please don't make me hurt you little girl.

To late you already did! She stormed up the stairs and than slammed her door. I took a deep breath. She was right. I did ruin everything. I really don't know what the fuck that came over me. I fucked up bad and I don't know how.
I was really fucking a whole nother bitch I don't even cheat! That's not me! And all these thoughts about being married to early, the grass being on the other side all of this is bullshit. What's really going on with me?

I gotta back track my steps.....that night me and Hendrix took care business. I stopped by the house to grab a file I left earlier that day. When I opened the door Asia and my kids had guns to their heads. My son was laying on the floor crying. I pulled my gun and shot the two niggas. I got shot my damn self and shit became a blur after that. I can remember waking up in a fuckin basement bleeding out. Two niggas stood in a room and a bitch...Nina. She didn't say much but she had a look of disgust sitting at a table with stuff to help clean me up.
Sin came in we argued and I figured he was behind everything! Nina cleaned me up and told me she could help me escape. Did I lust after her because of that? Nah that can't be it. I should of just took my ass home like my first mind told me to do instead of "laying low" not thinking no contact with my family was safer than getting with them letting them know I'm good and got a plan. It felt good to fuck somebody else....I wasn't fuckin Asia cause we really couldn't and wasn't supposed to. My second nature showed up and showed out. Made me think shit I would of never if I didn't have sex with her. It was the sex talking all this time. I know I love Asia and I love being her husband. I gotta hold this fuck up, I did her worst than her ex did her and I promised I wouldn't.
Seems like I was coming back to reality how everything was hitting me. I wasn't mad at her for trying to save me....I think it's cause I was scared. Scared to lose her. This shit showed that she really is down for me. If something was to happen that night than I could never forgive myself honestly. I was suppose to be there to protect her and make sure she was okay. That shit could of went very wrong but instead I didn't even explain to her I just blew up left and went to fuck the next bitch. Me? How could I? Pussy NEVER ruled me so why did I fuck up now? I sabotaged my own life because I'm really scared of love, love from my own wife?
I question a lot of things and this is one of the biggest!

I don't even have no feelings for that girl? Grass ain't always greener on the other side. And I haven't even made a move to fix anything. My child hates me. My wife hates me. And I know Harmony hates me. I felt like complete shit for how I reacted the other night. I did only think about I'lan. I'lan is my whole world I need that little girl to survive but I didn't realize that Harmony my daughter my child that I took in was right along with her. Seeing her face that night they where missing made me realize that she was there and I would never be able to forgive myself if something would of happened to her. I'm her father and didn't even act like it. I tore hers away from her and vowed to step up and be there for her and I didn't when she needed me most. I owe her the biggest apology in the world. I really did not mean that shit. I broke her heart and I need to fix it!

It's like my body was filled with rage but I couldn't let it consume me. I know if I acted on thought that I'd be killing a man for no reason. I'd really lose Asia. Acting on thought is what got me in this fucked up place now.

She seemed so happy with him! She looks at him how she looked at me. I gotta figure out how ima get my wife back. My whole family back.
I got up and went upstairs to I'lans room. She was laying across her bed with a pillow over her face. I sat at the edge of her bed.

Can you get out? She asked angry and muffled from the pillow being over her face.

I'lan sit up! I said sternly. She sucked her teeth and threw the pillow to the side sitting up. Her attitude was bad and if this was preteen lord ima have my hands full as a teenager.

I owe you an apology baby! Daddy is sorry! I want to sincerely apologize for all my actions that's been leading me up to this very difficult situation I done put us in our whole family. I know you may feel like I ruined the family and in reality your right. That was NEVER my intentions to do. It's like this, sometimes you have something so great and amazing going on for yourself you can't help to fuck it up. And you start to think all these different things cause you can't except when something so good is in your life you just gotta mess it up because nothing good has ever happened to you in your life before. And that's what's going on for me and I'm not paying attention to how it's affecting you, Harmony, or Asia and I apologize baby. I never wanted to hurt you, any of y'all in that matter. I love you I'lan and I faught hard to keep you in my life. I had so many thoughts that night you and Harmony ran away. I prayed to god that he kept y'all safe and alive. Anything in this world could of happened to y'all and I would of lost my mind. I don't ever want it to get to a point where you couldn't of talked to me before thinking or doing something like that....

But daddy there was no chance and time to talk to you. You never was home and when you was you and Asia was arguing.

And I'm sorry for that, that you had to see and hear that. I don't get into altercations in front of because it's not something I ever wanted you to see. I did some bad things to Asia and she's mad.

Well you need to fix it so we can go home!

It's not gone be so simple, I don't think she loves me anymore.

Two people don't just fall out of love dad! You and Asia was made for each other. I know y'all was. The first night I met her I knew she was the one for you. The way you looked at her, I've never seen you do with no other girl ever. You had literal heart eyes for her. Your heart was beating out side your chest like a cartoon. And Asia wouldn't be so mad at you if you didn't mess up, that's how you know she loves you. Asias the first real like girlfriend you had you made her your wife and apart of the family dad don't let it go to waist. My teacher Ms. Felts said you fight for what you believe in. And I believe your still in love with her. Fight for our family! Rome wasn't built in a day as Asia would say.

Since when did you get so smart!

I've always been smart daddy!

Clearly. You forgive me baby girl?

Uhhhh no! Once the family is back together with no fights than I'll forgive you. She smiled.

I'll take that! I laughed getting up.

Aye dad?

Yes baby?

I love you and I believe in you!

I smiled hard and leaned down to kiss her forehead. "I love you to baby girl!" One down two to go. I walked out her room closing her door behind me. One weight was lifted from my shoulders.