If Ever (COMPLETED - EDITING)

Chapter 4 - Ella

The first thing I did was storm out the doors, run down the stairs and throw up on the side. The bile had risen and filled my mouth and I was feeling like I was going to faint. I held the side of the banister for support. And threw up again. I fished for the tissue Troy had given me and wiped my mouth. Then I stood for a full minute leaning on the wall, just breathing in and out, like the guy had suggested. It really did help but seeing his face while doing had helped more. Maybe I was going a bit nuts.

I was feeling a sense of disbelief at the fact that I had spoken up. It wasn't relief, it was just the fact that I had opened my mouth and words had come out.  But it was over shadowed by that guy storming out. What the hell was his problem? Why had he helped me only to walk away while I was talking.

Maybe he didn't want to hear what I had to say, maybe he knew someone in a similar situation. It still pissed me off, because everyone stayed and listened to each other, wasn't that the point of a grief support group.

Troy walked over to me saying nothing. He didn't try to touch me thankfully. "Want some real coffee?" He asked his voice was so gentle, it hurt me. I could feel the pity and sympathy coming on. I was about to say no. But saw a black hooded figure sitting out on the parapet. I turned away to avoid making any kind of contact with him.

"Thanks for sharing." He said still not looking at me. I turned around, and marched up to him. "You.. you manner-less piece of shit." I spat. Troy jogged back and tried to get me away, "Stella, I don't think you should..." I flinched from his touch. Mr. Perfect's eyes narrowed.

The guy just waved his hand at Troy, "No. No, let her say what she stormed over here to say. C'mon, Princess, get it out of your system." The guy said in the same sardonic and belittling voice, slight smirk on his shit face. In fact, he turned his head and body to face me directly. His leg brushed mine and I braced myself, but nothing. I didn't flinch. I was stunned. But it now put me squarely in between his legs.

 He pulled off the hood of his hoodie, his hair was a beautiful mess. It just made him look better, and for a second I forgot that I hadn't flinched. It pissed me off, he was this good looking and he was of course an asshole. He raised his head to look me right in the face. Troy backed away. "Kai, please, she just.. she doesn't mean..." this Kai just looked at Troy and that one look shut Troy up. That there, that right there pissed me off even more and I wanted to take a swing at his face. I pictured the slap landing squarely on his cheek.

"Don't try it, Princess. I know I deserve it, but don't try it." He said, his voice was straight, he'd clearly read my mind. I clenched my fingers into a fist instead.I was shaking, but not from fear this time. Not from sorrow and panic and pain but from anger. I was so angry at this guy.

"Who does that? Who just walks away when someone is sharing? This isn't a movie, where you're bored and walk out if the movie is bullshit. These are people's lives, Fuck Stick. It's called a fucking support group for a reason." I threw at him. The whole time his oh so very green and distracting eyes had gotten wide and then narrowed down to my face.

"I never said that, Sunshine." I glared at him. "In fact, I don't remember saying anything at all. I wasn't bored and I certainly didn't think it was a movie. I'm sorry for your loss." He said, it sounded sincere and kind even. But he offered no explanation for leaving. I waited for a better explanation, I didn't think I would get one. 

"That was the shittiest explanation I have ever heard." He just continued to look at my face. "I'll do better next time. Feel Better." He said and that fucking sounded sincere as well and almost like a dismissal. Had he seen me throw up or heard me? I didn't know. I was thrown off, and confused. I shook my head. Unfucking believable. The whole time he still looked at my face. I stared back for a full minute. Wondering why I was looking at his face and his eyes. Maybe my brain as being slow from the SOS.