If Ever (COMPLETED - EDITING)

Chapter 17 - Ella

It was so warm, too warm. I woke up, not ready to wake up. We had finally fallen asleep at about 5 or maybe 6 in the morning. The first thing I felt was a heavy muscled arm across me. I couldn't move. I tried to wriggle and I couldn't. It was like being confined to stone. 

Yum, I just wanted to lick his tattooed body. What the hell was wrong with me? I'd asked him about the whole design of his tattoo. It was really incredible stuff. Kai had drawn out and designed the whole thing. His entire upper body was one whole piece right up his neck and to his cuticles. We'd talked about it for ages.. He really was too hot for his own good. I was so happy Kai was back, I missed him so much. Maybe too much. I felt like three days of being with him all the time and three days of not seeing him was completely jarring.

I didn't like not seeing him. I felt like everything was ok the second I saw him. I kept telling myself I was getting too attached. Maybe I should keep my distance a bit. Because I knew he would leave from knowing and I would go back to being worse than I was before.

The whole of yesterday came flooding back. I sighed heavily. Fuck, I had another night terror. But he had calmed me down again. I was upset he saw me like that. But he said he didn't care. I was terrified he was going to leave. Why had he asked me if I wanted to go outside? What had I screamed? I panicked for a few minutes. What had I said? Oh god. What had Owen and him talked about? Should I ask? Was he going to tell me?

How had the evening gotten so screwed? I was upset about seeing Michael. What the hell were the chances of us bumping into each other. I hadn't seen him since the funeral. He'd been calling Mel? Again? Why hadn't she told me? My nerves were wracked at the sight of him. Bile had filled my mouth and I wanted to throw up. 

It was only Kai holding me that had helped the feeling subside. How did he do that? Why did I feel like everything would be ok, as long as he was there. I couldn't have been more relieved to feel this arm around me at the bar. I knew that arm. I think I had almost fainted from relief. 

I was also trying to process the shit about my dad. What the hell was going on? I was scared he would ask me and I didn't have an answer to this bit. Would he ask me about the the other stuff? What would I do if he did? Was this me lying and hiding stuff? I needed to stop thinking about this.

I was glad the day was over. I blearily opened my eyes at his tattooed neck. It was bright outside though I had drawn the blinds, the clock read 9 am. For a brief second, I panicked. I was late for class. Then remembering Kai and I decided we weren't going. He was a terrible influence on me and my school schedule. I told him I'd missed more school since we'd been together than I had ever in life. He only laughed.

It seemed like his arm had decided to hold me prisoner in case I tried to flee again. He always held me like this. Where did he think I was going? I smiled.

Yesterday was rough on him. I knew it was too much, but he had handled it, as well as he could I guess. He was still here, with me, part of me just couldn't believe we had survived this long. Especially with a day like yesterday. It would be too much for anyone. My heart leapt. Over a week as a couple, only a few temper tantrums and my desk chair was still alive. I'd call that a win.

It was impossible to snuggle any closer, my cheek was already pressed against his collar bone. I tired moving and l and kissed him along his jaw, the light stubble poked against my skin. "It's too early, Princess." He groaned, I kissed him again.

"What time is it?"

"9"

"Still too early." He moaned. But he kissed me back, still with his eyes closed, across my jaw.

"Kai?" He grunted. "Death grip, baby." He smiled, and loosened his arm a fraction. "I'm sorry, babe. It's your fault, you know that right?"

"I do." I kissed him again. "Don't start, Ella. You know we can't finish." He groaned still holding me tight, but looser than before. So, I could at the very least turn around.