If Ever (COMPLETED - EDITING)

Chapter 46 - Kai/Ella

Kai

She was right, we needed to be committed for sure, and I was in my head. She knew me too well. But I had thought the same thing a few weeks back, nothing we had ever done had ever triggered her, it was only when the creep had touched her. She was right, I'd done all kinds of things to her and she never reacted with a fucking panic attack.

I sat in the yard just processing, drinking a coffee. She was in the shower; I couldn't believe what she was telling me. It just pissed me the fuck off. She had a fucking panic attack at the thought of being watched. Damn her fucked up parents. What had they done? How was this still happening? I tried so hard to keep it together. 'Take the fucking win and let the other shit go' Rob had said and I think that was sage advice. So, I had done that, I decided to just focus on the part that she was still here and we were still communicating and she had things that needed working out and it was fine. She could take our whole lives to fix herself, I would be ok with that.

I smiled at the fact she had fucking told me off, I knew I deserved it, she was right, I would have changed the way I treated her and she didn't want that. She didn't want me to change, despite everything. A tiny part of me was fucking thrilled I didn't have to change wanting to have monkey sex with her all the fucking time; I loved every second of what we did to each other. It made me happier that she didn't want that to change. Fuck! I was in my head again.

Despite everything I was happy at the fact that she could tell me stuff, and she was ok with telling me. No lies, no bullshit.

She came out with two plates; she was wearing a pair of my black sweats and my grey The Who sweatshirt. She was almost drowning in them, but she still looked so good, like Rob said, a super model in meltdown mode. I wanted to laugh. She put the plate down in front of me and gave a quick peck on the cheek.

"Babe, I thought you put out your clothes for the day on the bed." I was secretly happy, that dress looked so damn short. She could wear all the short clothes she wanted when I was back in school with her.

She shook her head, her curtain like hair shook with it. It was pretty long now, it flowed down till her waist. Damn. She looked so good. "I just didn't feel like it."

"Why?" I knew why, but I wanted her to say it.

She shrugged, taking a bite of her omelette. "Smells like you." Ha, fucking knew it. I gave myself a mental pat on the back. She was feeling off and wanted the comfort of my clothes, I felt like a happy cave man. I needed to buy more sweats, and t shirts and hoodies. I was not looking forward to her going, but I was tired as fuck. My head was sore and constantly throbbing. Maybe she didn't feel like facing the day after everything, but she couldn't put it off, so, I offered anyway.

"Baby, do you want me to come with you?" She looked up eyes wide.

"No Kai, of course not. You can't, you have to rest." Something was bothering her.

"What's wrong?" She shook her head again.

"Just don't want to bump into anyone at school." She meant Troy, if that fucker so much as looked at her, I would break his face. But Rob would be there, so would the boys. She would be ok. Cal would break bones if she so much as squeaked.

"You're fine, Babe. Rob and the boys will be there if you need anything. And you won't be there long enough to run into anyone – you're just picking up notes."

She nodded. There was still something bothering her.

"Nervous about meeting Owen?" I asked, taking a bite of my food. She nodded again. Bingo.

"I'm not sure what to say to him, Kai. I'm the reason he is no longer with Mel and I knew he loved her."

"Babe, you're not the reason, I am the reason he is no longer with Mel. But he's a big boy he will figure it out. Maybe he needs time, she did do the right thing eventually, maybe he will forgive her when he is ready."