If Ever (COMPLETED - EDITING)

Chapter 19 - Ella/Kai

Ella

Kai was fuming, I think I knew why, he didn't want me to know all the stuff his mother let slip. I heard the noise; he had clearly flung something at something. She seemed so sweet and beautiful; I could see where he got his looks. She was warm and seemed kind. She wasn't anything like I had expected. She seemed thrilled to see me, which only annoyed him more. She had touched me and I had tried so hard to keep it together and hug her back. I was glad he didn't see my flinch.

I sat silently in the car, while he drove to the hospital.

Why was he like his, where did his anger come from? I had a million questions; HE was the CEO? Not her. He had started the company? At what age? How had he done it? How did I not know any of this? I felt like I had been kept in the dark. Was there a reason he didn't want me to know? But did people know this about him? Troy also thought she was the CEO, not Kai, or at least that's what he had told me about Kai. Maybe he didn't want people to know.

But something struck me, what if he had shared in group and I was too self-involved to listen? What if this was common knowledge but I'd had my head under a rock for so long I hadn't taken notice. Should I care? I hadn't so far and he didn't seem at all bothered by me not knowing. Truthfully, I wasn't sure I cared. What difference would that make to me? He was just Kai to me. And I didn't want that to change.

Also, what obligation did he have to share every aspect of his life with me? He had never forced me or asked me to share, how could I?

So, I said nothing, I didn't ask him about anything. He had gone through enough yesterday, and all for me, and asked no questions and he was still here, with me. And that was enough for me.

I thought about the sad conclusion I had come to last night, my feelings for him were way deeper than anything I had ever felt. I had said I would do anything for him. Was that love? Isn't that what you did for people you loved? Anything? Like I would for Mare, how in a few weeks of knowing of his existence had it come to this? When the hell had I started falling in love with him. Shit. Shit. Shit.

But, if I told him I might be falling in love with him, he would vanish into thin air. I knew it. He liked me, but he didn't love me.

"Don't frown." He finally said. I rearranged my face. Then he looked at me sideways. "Ella. Baby, I'm so sorry."

"What for?" He held my hand with his free one.

"For not saying anything, I wanted to be the one that told you and I wanted to do it on my own time, I didn't want you to hear this shit from my mother and feel like I had hidden things from you on purpose. I was going to tell you, I swear it." It came out in a rush.

"Are you mad at me?" He sounded resigned.

Every doubt I had just vaporized. I looked at his worried face. He thought I was mad, I thought he was mad, maybe we were both due for a check-in at a mental facility.

I leaned over the middle console and kissed his cheek.

"No, of course not. I'm not mad, Kai. I get it. And you still don't owe me any answers, you can take forever, I told you that before. I'll be here when you're ready to tell me. ok? And if that's never, I'll still be ok with it." I kissed him again.

His entire demeanor relaxed. "You really weren't going to ask me anything, about anything?" He was curious.

"No. Of course not." He shook his head. And leaned over and gave me a quick peck.

"I don't need forever, I'm sorry, babe. I'll tell you anything you wanna know right now." He said.

"Kai, does it bother you that I don't know this stuff about you?" I asked. He smiled shaking his head. "No baby, it doesn't."