If Ever (COMPLETED - EDITING)

Chapter 44 - Ella/Kai

Ella

I sat numb on the empty bed, because I realised there was nothing familiar about this room save the bed, closets and dresser. Now our room was down there and this was not.

It was like everything was upside down. I had heard what they said. I knew it was eavesdropping but I could hear the two of them down there.

I had told him the same thing yesterday; I was no good for him. And he had said he didn't care what anyone thought and now he was saying the same thing about not being good for me. He didn't think he deserved me. Rob had said the same thing, maybe it was true. But I was so tired. I couldn't think. Nothing made sense. I needed sleep so badly.

I was done for today and maybe tomorrow and the day after. I was done. I just curled up on the corner of the bed, I had pulled out an old shirt from the laundry hamper because I had moved all our clothes downstairs and I wasn't going to go down. And I couldn't. Because I was physically incapable of moving right now. The clock on the dresser read 7:00 pm. Rosa was here, she would take care of him. Because I certainly couldn't.

I pulled up the blanket and fell asleep.

"Ella?" the voice was so soft.

"Babe?" I reached out a hand automatically. Kai grabbed it. Kissing it. I smiled.

"Ella?"

"Hmmm?"

"Wake up."

"No Kai, I'm so tired."

"Do you want me to stay?"

I nodded. Of course, I wanted him stay, I would always want him to stay.

"You have to move over, babe, I'm too tired to walk around the bed." he said. Why was he tired?

My eyes popped open; I saw the greenest eyes filled with so much worry.

"Kai? Oh my god, are you ok? What are you doing here?" I scrambled out of bed; he was kneeling on the rug beside the bed. He just looked at me. He was between my legs. I looked around for Rosa or Rob. The room was dark except for the bath room light and there was no one else there.

"Kai, how did you get up here?"

"I climbed up, I had to see you, Ella."

"Where are Rob and Rosa?" I was so stunned, my brain wasn't clicking, how was he up here, he climbed?

"They've left. Its after 11." I looked outside it was dark and the clock read 11:30, I looked back at him shocked, he looked so pale and sweaty. I had slept most of the evening.

"Baby, you can't climb stairs, what were you thinking? Oh Kai." I groaned. He was too stubborn for his own good.

"I'm so sorry." he said, and his eyes were brimming with tears. No. No. No. I went down on my knees on the soft rug. "No baby, please. Please Kai, don't cry. If you cry, I'm going to cry." I put my arms around him, hugging him to me. He shuddered in my arms, crushing me to him. His face was at my neck and I could feel the tears.

"Kai, please baby, let's get you downstairs first ok, please don't cry, Kai. Please, everything is going to be ok." I kept rubbing his back, he sounded so tired, Jesus, he had climbed all these stairs himself.

"No, it isn't."

"Why not?"

"Because I keep fucking up and I know you're going to leave."

"Kai, I didn't leave, I'm right here, I just said I needed time. I didn't leave you, baby. Look at me, Kai. You are stressing out and you know you are not allowed to. Please let's go back down." he shook his head.