If Ever (COMPLETED - EDITING)

Chapter 40 - Ella/Kai

Mare was looking better, she could actually move her head left and right she told me, or technically should able to after the surgery healed. It was almost getting there. Her Next surgery was her mouth and she was so excited for it. I smiled wide and hugged her.

I was thrilled for her. I brought her more fresh Nail polish and got to work, removing the old almost chipped off polish while we talked.

She asked what was going on with Kai and I? And I told her, about the evening at the club, his head aches and about the hospital, I got to the part about the hysterectomy and Mare covered her mouth. "No Ell-ie. No." she shook her head as much as she could, because she didn't want to believe it.

I nodded, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you Mare, I didn't want to upset you"

Anger shown as tears in her eyes, "they mad-e you?" I nodded, "Oh no Ell-ie.no no no Ell-ie no." she couldn't believe it.

"I'm ok Mare, isn't it better? I won't have any more problems like before. Mare had assumed the bleeding was from the rape.

I broke down, I told her I wasn't sure I could ever have kids because it was too much for me, I didn't know how to deal or cope, she asked why and I finally told her about the abortions and miscarriages and why I had taken a year off college, because of Cece, Mare was bawling. "Elll-eeee, noooo" she bent over in my lap sobbing her eyes out. And I just held her. I realised Mare had barely known what I had been through.

"Ell-ie you are so bra-ve, i'm sor-ry." she said crying, I wiped her face, "No, Mare, you were free, I wanted you to stay that way, That's what big sisters are for." It was meant to be a joke, I was barely 4 minutes older than her. But she was too shocked to care about my joke. "Mare, I would have died if I knew this happened to you. I'm glad you were never there, I'm glad you ran away each time, I couldn't bare it if I knew it was happening to you too."

"Tell me, Ell-ie, plea-se."

So, I did, all the stuff she didn't know. About the abortions and miscarriages. She cried throughout. Saying sorry every time, she couldn't articulate anything. I told her about my parents holding Cece over me each time and she couldn't deal. "I'm hap-py they are ded, Ell-ie. they de-ser-ve- it." She was furious for me, like Kai. I hugged her.

I told her I went to the cops, and about Owen and Mel. She couldn't believe Mel knew and said nothing to Owen, but then she said she was sorry for not doing anything either. But she barely knew anything, Owen didn't know a single thing. I said I was ok now. She asked if i was ok because I had Kai, and I said yes. I guess it was because I had him.

I had done everything I could.

I told her about the money we were left from our mother, I didn't tell her I'd gotten more than her. She would have felt shit. So I said we both got 5 each. Her mouth stayed open for a long time, I told her about warren as well. "fuk me." she said. She signed: 5 million? I nodded. She squealed, we're rich, I laughed, I told her we could go anywhere and do anything and we finally had possibilities, she said she would move next door to our place, I said ok. She said she was moving for Kai, I scowled at her. They were so vulgar together and had a dirty text chain going. I refused to participate. They called me a downer. It partly irritated me. But I didn't say anything. I knew this was Mare and this was how she had always been. And I trusted Kai.

Maybe I didn't want to admit I was jealous and a little more than upset at the stuff they texted each other.

Then I told her about the damn Video and she asked to see it, she watched both video's mouth open.

"fuk. Cra-zy shi-t..." she said, "I know."

"Kaai an-gry?"

"Oh yeah, he's pretty pissed off. But he can't be in school for 6 more weeks, which might give Troy enough time to move or something." we laughed, changing the topic, I told her I couldn't do anymore, she got it. Instead, once I was done with her bright yellow nails, we watched crap on her tiny hospital TV making jokes.