If Ever (COMPLETED - EDITING)

Chapter 70 - Kai

Kai

We were back from school and I sat in group with Ella. It was weird because I sat next to her this time for the first time since that afternoon. And not across her hoping to get a glimpse of her face. She still sat with her legs pulled up on the chair leaning her head on her knees. But she was looking at me. I smiled back. Holding her hand. My therapy wasn't mandated like hers so, I didn't need to be there at all if I chose not to. I spoke to Jane, she was glad I was ok and on the mend. Maybe I was only here every week to see her.

Ella said nothing as usual. Troy was there and sat where he wasn't in my line of sight. He sported a nice split and swollen lip and a shiner. Ella looked sideways at me saying nothing. I ignored her look.

She was in the shower and I was tempted to join her but I had to sort out the studio. Michelle and David were coming over in a bit. I wasn't sure how long their visit would take. I figured cleaning would be a waste of time, seeing as I would likely be in here most of the evening, till she was back.

I was nervous for some reason about her going out on her own. It would be the first time she was out without me. And it was stressing me out. I knew what would likely happen, I'd been there when she and Mel were out having drinks. I didn't want to say anything to her, knowing Ella she would cancel plans if she thought I was stressed. But I had to shake my hands out a bit. Maybe get a drink myself. I was wearing my studio jeans and t-shirt, they were covered in paint and I preferred to work bare feet. Not sure why.

I walked back in the house an hour later throwing off my jacket. Ella was in the kitchen drinking a cuppa on the island. She was dressed in black ripped jeans and an oversized black sweater, that fell off one shoulder with black biker boots. Her white hair stood out because of all the black. Her hair was let loose and pulled forward to the side, she tucked the runaway strands behind her ear. Fuck. She looked so good. She smiled when I walked in making space for me between her legs, wrapping them around me. I caught her face and kissed her long and fucking hard. Oh, I really wasn't sure about her going out when she looked like this.

I pulled back, "Hi baby." She smiled, "Hi." She shook her head. I took a sip of her coffee. I tugged her hair, playing with it. Fuck. I needed to pull it together. Why was I so stressed about this? I was being obsessive; I knew it, but it fucked with my head.

Last night, she'd asked me if it was ok to cut her hair, I'd said no, she wasn't allowed. She'd whined saying maintaining it was becoming a pain. I'd told her she wasn't allowed and that was that.

"Kai, baby, what's wrong?" I fucking knew she'd know the second she saw me. I was thinking about how to say this to her without sounding like a giant wimp.I wrapped her hair around my finger, playing with it.

"Do you want me to cancel?" She knew me too well. I wasn't sure. What did I honestly think was going to happen? She could get too drunk, someone might try touching her, a bunch of people might walk up to talk to her, she could have a panic attack, someone might try hitting on her, what if she had an episode or hyperventilated... fuck, the list was endless and it wasn't like Michelle knew any of this about her or how to calm her down.

"No, my love, I'm sorry, I'm just stressed." I just decided to be honest. Maybe knowing that would make her a bit more careful. She pulled my face up, "What about?" I just shrugged.

"Kai, baby, talk to me. What is stressing you? If you don't want me to go, I can cancel, babe it's not a big deal." She kissed my face. "No, I don't want you to cancel, I want you to go out, but it's stressing me because you'll be alone and if something happens, I won't be there."

"Baby, what's going to happen?" Was she serious? Now, I was losing my temper.

"Ella, a fucking multitude of things. Are you being fucking serious right now, babe?" I was this close to shouting.