If Ever (COMPLETED - EDITING)

Chapter 34 - Kai

Kai

I was beyond angry. I couldn't describe how pissed off I was.

I was so shocked by what she said, I had just sat there in complete silence, unable to fucking articulate what I wanted to say to her.

They had forcefully made her have surgery? They had taken out her fucking uterus? How the fuck did one respond to finding that out about your girlfriend. Why hadn't she told me that night? Maybe it was too much for her. Was there more? I wasn't sure either of us could deal with more. How was this her life for 24 years? God, what more had she endured? Shit. Damn it.

She looked so devastated and she just stared at the floor but the damn words wouldn't come. I barely heard what the doc said. And then she said she needed to go and I just wanted her to wait till I could process. Just wait till I could get the words into my brain... My mind was a blank white board of pure fury. She'd misunderstood my silence.

But she'd promised to be back. I had to believe she would be back. I was terrified she would bolt. But she had promised. And she said the words that broke my heart. She would love me even if I left her. And she was gone.

It belatedly clicked in my head; why she kept insisting I would leave her. Why she was so insecure about us being together. She thought I would leave from being deprived a family with her. Maybe she thought I wanted kids and she couldn't give me that if I wanted. I hadn't even given that a fucking thought. I had never thought about having kids. Not once. We had never talked about it. Maybe she wanted that with me.

Rob and my mother kept asking what was wrong but I couldn't explain this to them, so I said nothing, I just shook my head.

I wanted to know how she felt about it, I wanted to make sure she was ok. And that she didn't need to feel ashamed because none of this was her fault. Fuck! If I wasn't stuck in this bed, I would have chased her down. I knew she would break down the minute she left. I knew she would go home and cry till she couldn't anymore. I trusted she would be back. In what state, I couldn't tell. I would fix everything then. She needed time. I got that.

I had texted Smith last night, to drop in and sort out my insurance paperwork with some changes and a few other things, I needed her signature. He had dropped in to see how I was, and to let me know it would be sorted out. He had practically bolted out after getting my signatures from the tension in the room.

My mother tried to speak with me. I was already fuming, I couldn't look at her face. She was being cold to Rob. I guessed because he had made her leave. I was glad.

"Kai, darling, I would like to be home to look after you, when you get there, when do you get out of here?" I didn't want anyone at home. Especially not her. Ella was there, she would sort it out.

"Ella and Rosa will manage." I said in clipped tones.

"Kai, I would like to be home when you get there."

"It is not your home. It is mine and Ella's and no. I don't need anyone there." I snapped.

"Kai, please, I am your mother."

"Then fucking act like it, why the fuck are you being so fucking appalling?"

"Appalling? What do you mean?" Was she fucking playing innocent?

"Are you fucking serious? Did you ask Ella to leave last night? Did you tell tell her there was no need for her to stay? Did you not text Ella last night?" I was fuming.

She said nothing but Rob was nodding.

"So, she showed you?" She asked, finally.

"No, she was asleep and her phone went off and I checked it and saw your bloody texts to her."