If Ever (COMPLETED - EDITING)

Chapter 21 - Kai

Content Warning, Mature, Abuse, Sexual abuse.

Kai

I wanted to shout and trash the fucking house. I had kept my anger in check the whole fucking day. Jane should be proud as punch. It had to be let out and I couldn't now because Ella was in a state and was on the cusp of a mental breakdown. I couldn't blame her. It was all too much for her. It would be for anyone.

I, now understood the 7 months of me looking at a dead girl. Was she happy her bastard parents were dead? She grieved for her younger siblings, that I got, but there was no way I would let her feel sorry for those assholes. I knew a thing or two about dick parents, I had one. So did Rob.

But for the things they did to her; humiliate her, drug her and use her to entertain their friends, the thought made bile rise in my throat. It was the most disgusting thing I could think of. And made worse, having known her. She was too good and caring and perfect. I also knew it was because she looked like she did. She was just too stunning, even if she didn't know it. And assholes had fucking taken advantage of that. She probably didn't even understand why this had happened to her. Oh fuck. I was getting increasingly pissed off.

I had maybe guessed at some kind of abuse before, but I knew for sure now. This was unimaginable. It was nothing close to what I'd thought. Or assumed had happened to her. Fuck! Fuck! Damn.

She was sitting, curled up in my lap, watching TV with a blank look on her face, while I played with her hair. I was thinking how fucked up the day had gotten in a fucking instant starting with my mother. She needed to talk it out and she couldn't in group. I would never, ever want her to share this shit in group. But I also knew she wouldn't share this. She couldn't talk about it. But, if we could just have this conversation now, we would never have to bring it up ever again, we could dig a hole the size of a fucking canyon and bury it for all time.

But she should share it with me, but Mare's words rang in my head. She was scared I would leave her if I knew the truth. Leave her because she felt dirty and filthy at what had been done to her. She felt ashamed. I had too. But I had learned to get over it, over time. But this wasn't very long ago, it was still fresh in her mind. But I had to hear it from her, needed to know what she knew about what happened to her, what she remembered. I wanted her to hate her parents for everything they had done to her.

Maybe if I told her about me, it would give her the courage to know she could tell me anything and I would still be here, right here. Next to her. Loving her till the day I fucking died. The question was would she still be here when she heard about me?

I was going to need several drinks if I was going to open that fucking coffin. The one I thought I'd put to rest forever, but I'd do it for her. Fuck! How had it come to this? 

Actually, I was going to need way more than several drinks, thankfully the bar was always stocked. I think Rosa needed a raise. I put in a quick text to smith, and he replied immediately, "On it."

I texted my mother.

"I have a few things that need my attention, not sure about showing up at work tomorrow, will keep you posted, I'm sure you can hold down the fort for another day. Switching off my phone. Don't call. Don't come over." The phone chimed; Ella paid it no attention.

"Ok, darling, everything alright? The board is meeting tomorrow, you will be needed, Kai."

"I'm not sure yet. Will call you later, bye."

"Does this have to do with Stella?"  Why did that fucking matter? I didn't want to tell her.

"No, I'm busy with stuff."