If Ever (COMPLETED - EDITING)

Chapter 30 - Ella

Ella

"Ella, please talk to me, baby. I cannot stand it when you're silent. Feels like I'm being punished." I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not punishing you; I'm just thinking of an answer to your question. Is the massage helping?'

"Ummhmm." I continued.

"Ok, let's look at it this way, you're allowed to tell me yes or no, you're allowed to tell me what's ok with you and what's not. If I don't want to do something and I'm not comfortable with it, I will tell you. It's just communicating, Kai. Just ask me. How we are right now is just fine, Babe. Nothing needs to change. I don't need anything to change. I'm happy exactly how we are."

"Really?"

"Yes, really." I kissed his cheek. He smiled.

"You are not like my parents, Kai. You need to stop thinking that. The difference between you and my parents is choice. I never got a choice before. And I know you sometimes also don't give me a choice, but Kai, you don't come from the same place as my parents did. Your actions stem from worry and care, because you love me and not because you want to use me for anything. Aside from sex." I joked; He slapped my leg. I pulled his hair gently laughing.

"An you know, it calms me to know your bossy ass is there. Always." He pinched my leg. I laughed. "What?! You are bossy!"

"So, you don't get upset when I'm being an obsessive prick?"

"No, babe. Not when I understand why." His brows scrunched, I massaged them and pulled his skin back. "Don't frown. Also, I very rarely get upset at anything you do." I said.

"Don't I fucking know it. You're like a fucking monk." He shook his head. I laughed.

"I actually like obsessive Kai." He turned to look at my face, I blushed. "You do, huh?" I turned his face away, "Don't look or I won't get the words out."

"Yes, you are very obsessive and possessive and stubborn when it comes to me, and yes, you boss me around all the time. You tell me yes and no and what to do all the time. But I understand why, so it doesn't bother me as much as you think it does, because it's just who you are when it comes to me."

"I like to think you care enough to make sure nothing happens to me; I have never known what it felt like to feel safe till I met you. You stand up for me, who don't care who it is to, like Mel and Owen, I would've never done that. I knew she knew and did nothing; I could have told Owen myself but I said nothing.

And I know I need to learn to stand up for myself because none of it was my fault, but I'm trying. And until then, I'm happy to hide behind your wall of anger at the world for what happened. Because Kai, thinking about it makes me numb, I don't feel anything but pain. I trust you and listen to you because I know you know right from wrong and you know when I should do what needs to be done and don't have to courage to do it myself."

"Does that make sense?"

Then there was silence. I could hear his hair move in my hands.... but I was used to his silences. I did have more patience than him. I continued massaging his head. He pinched his eyes tight, gripping the bed. Shit.

"Babe you ok? Is it bad?"

He nodded.

"OK lemme go get you your pill, you need sleep. What is it called?" He gave me the name and I made to get out of bed. But he held my hand.

"Ella, my love. Are you saying in no uncertain terms, that you're mine? And you're putting up with my shit because you know this is how I am?"

"Yes. Simple as." I gave him a quick kiss.