The Choice (a Painful Past)

1 (The Beginning)

I looked up at him and smiled. Will, the boy who had constantly asked me out, even after I said no a million times, was waiting for my answer. 

I always said no. I didn't even really like him all that much. He was sweet and doted on me, like I was a queen, but I wasn't even attracted to him. I mean, he was cute but not my type. 

His strawberry blonde hair was longish, going over his ears, which stuck out from his head more than they should. His nose was kind of big and pointy. not overly so, but it was still noticeable. He used to be an entire foot shorter than me, but his growth spurt had finally caught up to him. He had a good two inches on me now. 

Even though I still didn't find him all that attractive, I found myself wanting to say yes to him now. 

I was 16, for Christ's sake. 16 and the only one of my friends who hadn't had a real boyfriend in high school or middle school. Sure, in middle school, there had been Jeffrey, the preacher's son, but he didn't count. I started dating him at 10 years old. That wasn't a real relationship...even if I did get my first kiss from him. He moved away but called me a lot, so we kept the status of dating through my 6th grade year. I heard he went into a mental hospital last year. 

My 8th grade year, I dated Will's brother, Jason, who is three years older than me. I was 13 and he was 16. I know that's weird, but I had a crush on him and he liked me back. So, of course I said yes when he asked me to be his girlfriend. He was best friends with my older brother, so he was always at the house. 

I did explore the sexual side of things, without actually having sex with him. We lasted almost two years, then I found myself not feeling the same way. I ignored him, until he broke up with me. 

I don't like confrontation, so it was easier for me to do it that way, than to actually break up with him. I know that's wrong, on so many levels, but it was what I did. 

Then, last year, me being a 15 year old sophomore, dated a guy that I had known since I was 6 years old. He was 4 years older than me. I only went on a few dates with him and kissed him a few times. He wanted to go further, but I was a virgin and not ready. There was no way that I could get away with dating a 19 year old at 15, so I eventually just ignored him until he stopped calling me. 

I definitely had an avoidance at breaking up with boys. I was way too shy to express to any guy that I liked him, so it was only the ones who took the initiative first that I had occasionally dated. As you can see, there weren't many. 

I was never the most confident girl, having endured a lot of verbal abuse from my sister, who is 23 years older than me. She is really skinny, and never fails to remind me that I'm not. I wasn't overly fat, but I definitely wasn't skinny. Not like her. 

My friends always told me that I was stupid because I had a great figure, but I could never see it. I believed what the mirror told me, right or wrong. This being the case, I always ended up being the best friend to the guys that I liked, while they would fall in love with my best friend. 

So anyway, now here I was, standing in front of Will, who had just asked me for the millionth time, if I would be his girlfriend. I found myself wondering, why not? There were no guys who had shown any interest in me, in quite a while. 

Even Johnny, who I had thought maybe liked me back, especially after we went on a group date to the movies and to play laser tag. He had shared an ice cream float with me. Two straws. I had thought it was so romantic. He had never asked me out or made any advancements, so I assumed that I was wrong in thinking that he might like me too. 

Will though, he had asked me out 3 times just this school year and we had only been going for 3 months. He looked like a lost puppy dog, standing in front of me, waiting for my answer yet again. 

"Yes," I heard myself say. His eyebrows shot into his hairline, as his eyes went wide. "What?!" he asked, like he was unsure that he had heard me correctly. I laughed at his surprise and nodded.

 "Yes, I'll go out with you." "Wait, are you pranking me? Cuz, if so, this is really mean," he said, suspicion filling his eyes. "No, I'll really go out with you," I replied, rolling my eyes at him. "How about this weekend? You can pick me up and we'll go somewhere." "Oh," he said, then looked down, as he started shuffling his feet. "I don't actually have my license yet." "Really?" I asked.

 That was an odd concept to me. I had been way too excited to get my license. There was no way that I was going to wait on getting them. 

"Okay then. I'll pick you up," I said, not waiting for his answer. He looked back up and grinned. "Yeah? Where are you gonna take me?" he asked, a suggestive tilt to his voice. "I guess you'll just have to wait and see," I replied, then winked at him. 

"Hey Will, you wanna come jump on the trampoline with me?" My 13 year old little nephew had just popped his head out the front door and saw Will and I talking in the yard. 

I guess I forgot to mention that he only lived about two miles down the road from me and would walk or ride his bike to my house every day. Supposedly, to hang out with the guys. His brother was still over a lot too, which was still kind of awkward. 

"Yeah, sure, I'll be right over," he yelled back to Daniel. Daniel's face split into an excited grin and he dove off the front porch, then ran to the trampoline that sat in our front yard. "Guess I better go hang out with the kid," he said, shly. "Yeah, I'm gonna go over to Kat's house for the weekend anyway. So, I'll see you around," I replied. 

Something flashed in his eyes, disappearing so fast that I wasn't even sure that I had seen it. Then he smiled and leaned over to press his lips to my cheek. His lips were wet and it felt gross, but it was sweet. I refrained from wiping my face, as soon as he backed away. "I'll see you later then. Probably tomorrow after school. I might get off the bus here, if that's okay with your mom," he said, looking towards my house.