The Choice (a Painful Past)

127

I had seen him drink before.

Plenty of times, so why was this time fucking with my head?

"You know what, Callie? You need to get some sleep. Just sleep off whatever this mood is." I told myself.

So, I washed my face and finished my skin care routine, changed into my pajama shorts, and climbed into bed, with my phone. I started to get on Insta, then realized that was probably not a great idea.

Just as I was about to put my phone on charge, it started to ring. It was Colby again.

"Hey." I answered, apprehensively.

I had pushed him away again, and for no reason whatsoever.

"Cal. Why did you hang up on me? What did I do? Did I do something wrong?" He asked, in a pleading tone.

"No, Colby, you didn't do anything wrong. Not really. I'm just in a weird mood." I replied, gently.

His facial expression let me know that he didn't believe me.

"Seriously?" He responded. "There had to be some reason that you just hung up on me."

I sighed and shook my head. "Honestly, it was my own head. I told you that I'm fucked up, Colby. You should probably just drop me, before you see the really bad parts of me."

Anger flashed in his eyes for a second, and I felt myself wanting to flinch back. "That's not ever going to happen." He replied. "Do you want to talk about whatever is bothering you?"

Again, I shook my head. "No. I think I just want to go to bed. I'm sorry for acting how I did. You go have fun with your friends. I think I'm going to try and get some rest."

"Are you sure?" He asked, hesitantly.

I smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I'm sorry that I'm acting weird. I'm just feeling off."

He was quiet for a moment, with his ice blue eyes burning into mine. I felt like he was trying to see my soul.

"Okay. If you're sure, but I'm here if you need to talk. You can call me at any time." He replied.

"Thank you, but I'll be okay. I'm just tired. Maybe I'm PMSing." I laughed, as I shrugged.

"Oh God." He laughed. "Okay, feel better...and remember that I'm always here. Don't push me away, Cal."

Tears stung my eyes at his words.

I sniffed and nodded.

"I'll try not to. Don't let me push you away, Colby."

There was no smile on his face, as he nodded.

Only determination.

"Never. Now, get some rest. You'll feel better in the morning. I'm sorry that I made you worry. I just lost track of  time. Goodnight, Callie."

"Goodnight, Colby." I replied, softly.

When the call ended, I felt this sort of emptiness in my stomach. Here I was, still in the same boring little town, going to bed early, because I had a kid and my mom to take care of. Here I was, struggling to make sure that my kid had a decent birthday.

This wasn't what I thought my life was going to be like, but it was the hand that I'd been dealt. I always tried to make the best of things, but sometimes, it really got to me.

When I was young, I wanted to travel and see new things. I wanted to publish a book or cook an amazing dish for someone famous. I wanted to have this fairy tale love, that I now knew didn't exist.

By this time, I had imagined myself having a picture-perfect family, where everyone loved each other.

I sighed heavily and put my phone on charge. I couldn't sleep in my contacts anymore, because they irritated my eyes horribly. While I took them out and put them in their case, I thought about my life.

No matter what I wanted, this was my life and I had to deal with my responsibilities. Still...it must be nice to live like Colby lived. No responsibilities, open schedules, and the finances to go and do what you wanted.

It sounded like a dream.

The next couple of weeks, leading up to Ben's birthday party, I was frantic. The calls with Colby became sporadic. He was traveling, filming for his and Sam's YouTube channel, and I was usually so tired, by the end of my day, that I would pass out right after Ben went to sleep.

I missed talking to him, but there was just so much going on. I kept telling myself that we would talk soon, but the calls became less and less frequent. I pushed the sadness to the back of my mind and kept going.

It didn't matter if I spoke to him or not. I had things that I had to take care of.

So, I threw myself into planning Ben's party and making sure that everything was perfect. I managed to sell some of my things, like clothes that I never wore, but they still looked brand new, and my small stereo that I had in my room. I had to sell a few things to get the money up, but I was able to finally afford the phone that Ben wanted.

I wasn't going to be able to get the game system, but I knew that he would understand. He was such a good kid. I had rented a building at the local park to have his party at.

The day of, I gathered all of the materials and supplies that I would need, with Denise and Sherri's help, and we went to the building first thing that morning. The party was supposed to be that night, around 7pm. We finally finished all of the decorations and set up around 6.

I had expected to finish a little earlier, so now I was rushing. I left Denise and Sherri at the building, so that they could greet anyone that might show up early, while I went to pick up his special cake, and the food that had to stay cold. Thankfully, the place had a fridge that we could use.

It didn't take me too long, but by the time I got back, there were several people already waiting.

"Shit." I muttered, as I switched off my car and got out to get the food.

"Giiirl, I thought that I was gonna have to come find you." Denise replied, as she walked up to help me get the food.

"No, there was just a line when I went to pick up the cake. Is everything okay here?" I asked.

My brain felt like it was on overload, switching back and forth between different tabs, like I did with my laptop.

"Yeah, everything is fine. I didn't know what to do with the guests that showed up though. Ben isn't even here yet. When is everyone else going to show up?" She asked.

"7." I replied.

"It's almost that time." She said.

"I'm sure he and the rest will be here soon." I answered, frantically.

I bumped my car door with my hip to close it, since my hands were full, and started walking towards the building. I balanced the huge ice cream cake in my hands, while I tried to wiggle the door open.

"Here, I got you." A deep voice replied.

"Thank you." I answered, as the man opened the door for me.

He looked kind of familiar, but I couldn't quite place him. It wasn't important, so I let the thought flit out of my mind. I had last minute things to do, before Ben actually got here.

I was in the middle of setting out the last fake evp machine on the table, when everyone started cheering.