The Choice (a Painful Past)

23

I dialed his number and listened to the tinny ringing. When I was about to hang up, he finally answered and relief flooded my system.

"Yeah?" He said.

"Hey." I said, keeping my voice low.

I didn't know how to deal with confrontation or arguments, especially in a relationship.

"Hey." He replied.

I could hear the indifference in his voice, and my heart fell to my feet.

"I'm sorry about earlier. I texted you." I said.

"I know. I got it." He replied.

I could hear others talking in the background. At first, it was just a couple of male voices, but then I heard a girl.

"What are you doing?" I asked, feeling anxious.

"Just hanging out with my friends. Just like you're doing."He replied.

God, he really wasn't going to make this easy on me.

"Wanna shotgun?" I heard the girl's flirty voice say.

Then some kind of shuffling sound, like he had put something up against the speaker of the phone.

"Not right now. I'm on the phone. Just give me the blunt and shut up." I heard his muffled voice say.

"Um." I stammered.

I wanted to ask about the girl, but I felt like I shouldn't. Like I didn't have a right to, for some reason. I didn't want him to think that I didn't trust him.

"Who are you hanging out with?" I finally decided on asking.

"Just some friends, Callie. Was there a reason that you called?" His flippant attitude was breaking my heart and pissing me off at the same time.

"Why are you being a dick?" I asked, letting the anger take control. "I'm calling to apologize and you just keep being an ass. Is this how it's gonna be every time we have a disagreement? Because I don't think I can deal with this."

He was quiet for so long that I began to think that I had taken it too far. And I was right.

"Okay." He said, letting his voice turn to stone. "Maybe you're right."

I swallowed hard, feeling the roughness of my dry throat, like sandpaper scraping against raw skin. "So, that's it then?" I asked, as I felt tears sting my eyes. "We're done?"

"Yeah, I think we are. You're supposed to think about the other person in a relationship and you obviously don't know how to do that. So, we don't need to be in one." He replied.

I couldn't believe how uncaring he sounded. Like it had never mattered at all. Like I had never mattered.

I didn't say anything, because I didn't know what to say.

I didn't want this, but how could I stop it? It was my fault. When I heard the little click in my ear, signifying that he had disconnected the call, my breath caught in my throat.

That was it. It was over. I had, once again, fucked up another relationship, just like I had done with Sherri and Kat.

When was I going to learn? I bit my lip hard, trying to stop the onslaught of tears that was threatening to cascade from my eyes. It was no use.

They spilled over, leaving a hot trail on my cheeks. I couldn't breathe. I gasped in air, trying to fill my deprived lungs, but I just couldn't catch my breath.

"Callie?" Sherri had walked out onto the porch without me even noticing.

I glanced up at her, knowing that I looked a complete mess. She put her arms around me and rubbed my back quietly, allowing me to just cry until I could compose myself. After a few moments, my sobs quieted.

"Are you okay?" She asked me. "What happened?"

"Will and I," I gasped out, feeling a sharp pain shoot directly into my chest, as I said his name. "We broke up."

"I'm sorry." She replied, softly. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I pulled back from her and shook my head. "No. Not-not right now." I gasped out, and squeezed my eyes closed for a second. "I just need to not think about it. This is our weekend, right? So, let's go do something."

"We can't go anywhere, Cal. I told you, my Mom won't let me this weekend." Sherri replied. "But, you don't have to stay if you don't want to."

"I didn't mean that." I said, as I pasted a fake smile on my face.

God, my chest was throbbing so painfully.

"Let's get lost in a movie or something. I need something to take my mind off of things. Not a love story though. Something stupid and funny maybe."

"What about Friday? That old movie with Chris Tucker and Ice Cube. We haven't seen that in a while. I think we still have the DVD. I even have a little bit to smoke, if you wanna do that. Chad left me with a blunt and I never got around to smoking it." She replied.

"Oh God, yes." I groaned and let my head fall back.

She laughed at my exaggeration.

"Seriously, I need it. How long before your parents come back?" I asked.

She looked at her phone, then back up at me.

"They probably won't be home before midnight, at least. We still have a few hours. We can go out behind the shed." She suggested.

"Sounds perfect. Let's go!" I pushed the thoughts of Will out of my mind and waited for her to grab the blunt.

"Got it!" She yelled from her room.

I grinned when she walked back up to me.

"So, you and Chad, huh?"

She passed me the blunt so that I could light it, and take the first hit.

"Well, yeah." She replied, with a small giggle. "But, we don't have to talk about that. Here's the lighter."

I took the blue Bic from her hand and followed her to the space behind the shed, in her backyard. When we stopped, I lit the end of the blunt and pulled the smoke deep into my lungs. After I held it in for a moment, I let it out and started to speak.

That made my voice sound all weird.

"It's okay." I replied, as I watched the smoke pour out of my mouth with each word. "I'm happy for you. I think he's gonna be good for you." I released the rest of the smoke from my lungs, which caused me to cough a little. "Oh shit." I replied, between coughs. "This is some good stuff."

My lungs were burning just a bit and my head was already starting to get that floaty feeling.

"Yeah." She said, in between tokes. "Chad said it was his hydro strand. Did you know he grows it himself?"

"For real? Oh, that's cool as shit. We can just get it from him, instead of searching down people and going over the tracks to get it. You know we're gonna get busted doing that one day." I replied.