The Choice (a Painful Past)

73

"I want him." I repeated.

He waited another moment before speaking again.

"Okay. I'm okay with it. I love the kid and I've always wanted to be a dad. Let's do it!" He exclaimed.

"Wait, what?!" I asked, sure that I had heard him wrong. "Did you say yes?"

He laughed at my incredulous expression. "Yes. I said yes. I'd love to have him stay with us." He replied.

"Oh my God, thank you!" I exclaimed, before I jumped out of my chair and over to him.

I threw my arms around his neck and knocked him back on the couch, so that I was on top of him.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I repeated, in between the kisses that I was laying on his lips, his cheeks, and his jawline. "I love you so much." I said, as the tears stung my eyes.

I was going to be a type of mom and probably soon. Oh my God.

"I love you more." He replied, looking up at me softly.

His arms were around my waist, as I lay on top of him, with my hair making a curtain around us.

"I'd do anything to make you happy, Callie. Anything."

I smiled and leaned down to press my lips gently to his. "Thank you." I said again. "I don't know how we're gonna do this, but he needs us right now." I snuggled down into the crook of his arm, making it a tight squeeze on the couch, but neither of us minded.

"We'll be fine. I have a good paying job and so do you. He'll be in school most of the day, and I'm sure there's some kind of financial help for situations like this, right?" He asked.

"Yeah, I think so. I'd love to be able to do it on our own, but the help would be nice. Momma is supposed to call me back and let me know where to start." I replied.

He nodded, then kissed the top of my head.

"Sounds good. This is gonna be good for us and for him. I can't believe Amy had them around all of that shit." He said, as he narrowed his eyes.

"I know. It must've been so horrible for those kids. I can't even imagine. Did you know that they were held at gun point a couple of weeks ago? Like, some junkie knew where Amy was, pretended like he was gonna buy something, and then pulled out the gun. He had all of them  lying on the floor, with a gun pointed at them. How fucked up is that?" I asked, incredulously.

"Should never have happened." He agreed.

"Well, we're gonna give him a different kind of life. One where he doesn't have to worry about all of that." I replied.

"Definitely. Hey, let me up real quick." He said, patting my arm.

I shifted, so that he could get up.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"I got you something. I'm gonna go get it." He said, with a smile and a wink.

"Okaay." I replied, confused but excited.

I didn't really get many gifts and I was fine with that. Our money needed to be spent on things that we really needed...but, I was still a girl, and I loved gifts, especially surprise gifts! I sat up on the couch, and waited for him to come back out into the living room.

It only took him a few moments and then he was standing in front of me. I glanced at his hands, but he had one behind his back.

"Ugh, lemme see!" I exclaimed, as I pouted and tried to grab his hidden arm.

"Nope." He laughed, as he jerked away from me. "I have to tell you something first."

I rolled my eyes, good naturedly. "Fiiine." I replied, feigning disinterest.

Then my stomach fell out of my butt.

Will had dropped down onto one knee, and took my hand in his. My mouth fell open instantly. I didn't know what to do.

My breathing sped up, but I felt like there was just no oxygen in the room.

Was I ready for this?

Did I want to get married at 20? I mean, it was a valid age in my small town, but I just didn't know. I was terrified.

Will was speaking, but I couldn't hear anything. White noise filled my eardrums, and my body froze.

Was I having some kind of mental breakdown?

What the fuck was going on? God, I wasn't going to be able to say no, even if I wanted to!

Did I want to say no? I had no clue! I was totally unprepared for this.

I felt him squeeze my hand, and I automatically looked down at our joined hands, then back to his eyes.

"Well?" He asked, with a nervous laugh. "Don't leave me down here on the floor, baby."

I still didn't know what to say. I tried to move my mouth to form some kind of word, any word, but I seemed to have forgotten how to.

"Oh my God, Callie, please, just answer me!" He exclaimed.

What had he even asked?

Maybe he didn't ask me to marry him? I hadn't heard him ask me anything. Shit.

"Wait, I forgot." He said, laughing a little.

He pulled a red velvet ring box out from behind his feet where he had set it. I swallowed hard, and noted that it felt like sandpaper against the walls of my throat. Couldn't deny what he had asked me now.

Whether I heard him or not, here was the fucking proof. I was freaking out.

Oh my God, Oh my God, what do I do? Okay, Callie, just breathe.

He flipped the lid open, so that I could see the ring inside. I could tell that it was cheap, but it was still very pretty. I didn't care how much it cost.

I was actually about 99% sure that it was cubic zirconia but that didn't matter to me either. It had a thin gold colored band, with an opal colored stone in the center, flanked on both sides by what looked to be diamonds. It was very pretty.

Not exactly what I would have chosen, but he had tried.

"Callie?" I heard him say quietly.

I looked up to meet his gaze again. I had been staring at the ring, like it was some alien creature that I couldn't figure out.

"Whaddo ya say?" He asked, hopefully.

There was actual fear in his eyes, which made my stomach drop a little more. I didn't want to hurt him. Not ever...but I wasn't ready to get married.

Even if we did manage to get Ben, I didn't want to be married right now. Maybe in the future, when we were more settled and older. I couldn't say no, though.

I just didn't have it in me. The inability to say no, was like some kind of disease that I had to battle every day. I hated it, but it was just part of who I was.