The Choice (a Painful Past)

113

"No." I whispered. "I want to have fun. I just don't want you to keep doing this. I worry about you."

He sighed and brought his hand up to my chin, making me look at him. "I'm okay. I promise. I haven't taken anything or done anything, besides smoking weed, since I ran out of my prescription a couple of weeks ago. I've got this under control. Okay?" I nodded slowly, still unsure of what to believe. "Okay. Now, stop being so dramatic, drop it, and let's go party." He replied, effectively ending the conversation.

So, we did. Only, later on that night, I found him outside with a couple of friends of ours...well, of his, I guess, snorting lines of the crushed blue pills inside of their car.

"REALLY?" I yelled, causing people outside to look over to us.

"Will you shut up?!" He hissed, as he carefully moved the tray of powder out of his lap and into his friend's lap.

"NO, I WON'T!" I yelled back. "YOU FUCKING PROMISED, BUT NOW I FIND YOU OVER HERE, SNORTING SHIT UP YOUR NOSE!"

I remembered not even caring that he grabbed my arms so tightly, that I had a bruise the next day.

"Shut the FUCK UP, Callie! I'm not playing with you. If you get us caught, or locked up, you're gonna regret it. I promise you that. And, if your family comes after me, I'll have them taken care of too. DON'T push me."

My anger was so high that I almost didn't even hear what he was saying. "Get off of me! Let me GO!" I screamed, as I snatched away from his grasp and ran towards my car.

I heard him yell my name, but I kept going. If I had been thinking straight, I wouldn't have driven home in my state. I hadn't been drinking because I had to drive, but I had smoked some weed.

I had assumed that I would have plenty of time to come down, before I got behind the wheel of my car.

That night, by the grace of God, I made it home safely, after a really close call. I was upset and crying, along with being high, and almost ran a stop sign, right when a semitruck was going through. Needless to say, it sobered me up, and had me praying instantly.

I had left Will at the club, so he didn't show up for another 2 hours. By that time, my anger for him had grown even more. I didn't know what to do with myself when I was angry, so I would usually aggressively clean.

When he came through the door, I was scrubbing the dishes like they had personally wronged me. I didn't say a word to him. I didn't even look at him, but when I felt his arms go around my waist, I froze.

I didn't want him to talk to me, much less touch me. Not after what he had done. I acted before I could stop myself.

I jerked around in his arms, bringing the thick glass, that I had been washing, with me. He ducked just in time, as I threw the glass as hard as I could at his head. If it had connected, he would've been seriously hurt.

Instead, it hit the back wall of our kitchen, and smashed against the wood.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" He had yelled. "YOU COULD'VE KILLED ME!"

We had a really bad fight that night. I was honestly surprised that he didn't hit me, because I went crazy.

I screamed and yelled, searched our room for drugs, smashed a glass pipe of his that I found, and dumped pills and powders into the toilet. That alone, was so much money literally down the drain. That didn't even include the actual cash that I found hidden in his drawer.

Instead of taking it, or something like that, my crazy brain decided that ripping it in half would be the better option. I wasn't even sure how much it was, but I did know that it was over $200, because I had seen the larger bills on the outside of it. My only thought was that he wouldn't be able to buy drugs with it now.

He raged and screamed right along with me, until he walked outside.

I collapsed on my bed and cried, until there were no tears left. Dusty had arrived with his new girlfriend by then, and they were all snorting lines on my coffee table, when I walked out of my bedroom. Will just looked up and gave me a nasty smirk, before he sucked up the white powder that was expertly cut on a small square mirror that was in front of him.

I felt defeated. Utterly defeated.

What was the point in fighting about it, in giving so much of my energy and myself, into this, if it made no difference? That was the first night that I had truly given myself over to that life. The first time that I felt stuck, with no way out.

I couldn't make myself leave him. I loved him too much. So, I would have to deal with and ignore the things that he did, if I wanted to be with him.

That was the beginning of what I thought would be the end of my life.

"Hey Cal, you still with us?" I came back to reality, to my surroundings, with Denise waving her hand in front of my face.

"What? Sorry. I zoned out." I replied, sitting back in my seat.

"Your drink is here." She replied, looking at me with concern.

"I'm fine." I told her, faking a smile.

The memory had really put a damper on my already fluctuating mood.

"Just thinking of the last time that I was here."

"Mmhmm, well here." She replied, as she pushed the pretty orange and red drink towards me.

I understood the "Sunset" part of the name now.

"Drink up." Denise insisted.

I slid the straw into my mouth and pulled, hesitantly. The flavor explosion that hit my tongue surprised me. I tasted the orange juice the most, but the sweetness of the grenadine was a hard contender.

It mixed well with the juice, making the tartness of it dim a little. I barely tasted the tequila at all. The only way that I knew it was in there, was because of the dull burn that hit my chest.

"Oh." I said, before taking another sip. "This is really good."

"Right?!" Denise exclaimed, bouncing in her seat a little. "Sweet enough for you to drink, and boozy enough to get you feeling right. The perfect combo!" I laughed and sipped a little more. "Okay, so wanna tell me more about that old best friend? Seems like I might have some competition." She replied.

I smiled and looked down at my drink.