The Choice (a Painful Past)

31

"Why not?" He asked. "Wouldn't he understand it if you said no? If you explained that you weren't ready?"

I didn't answer him right away, because I didn't really know what to say. As much as I loved Will, I had to admit that he wasn't all that patient. He probably wouldn't understand.

"I don't know. He said that he wants to marry me, so why wait? I think he'll probably take it to mean that I don't love him, or something like that. I don't want that to happen." I replied.

"That's not okay, Callie. I'm sorry, but it's not. You can't do something that you don't want to do, just to make sure that he doesn't get upset. Especially something as huge as this! You have to take that stand. If this is something that you aren't sure about, then you need to talk to him." He said, quietly.

Damn it, he was right. That was not a conversation that I was looking forward to having either. That's when I remembered that Will had texted me.

"Shit." I muttered, and opened his text.

"What's wrong?" Colby asked.

"Nothing." I replied. "Give me a second."

I was honestly surprised that Will hadn't sent more texts when I hadn't answered him. Like I said, he wasn't the most patient person in the world.

"Sounds like fun, haha. I just wanted to let you know that I probably wouldn't be texting you anymore tonight. I guess we're about to go to watch a movie and go to bed." He had texted.

I frowned at my phone. It was late, but it wasn't that late. I knew for a fact that Will usually stayed up later than this, and Dustin did too.

Plus, it was Friday night. There was definitely a party going on over there. Of course, it was late enough that it should've been dying down.

Yeah, there were probably just a few people left.

"Okay." I texted back. "I'll just talk to you tomorrow then."

He texted me back immediately.

"I'll call you in the morning. You know that I love to hear your voice, before I start my day. That always makes it a good day. Before I go, have you thought about our anniversary plans anymore?"

"Callie? Everything okay?" Colby asked.

I could barely hear him, so I switched the phone to speaker.

"Everything is fine. Hold on another sec though, please." I replied.

What was I supposed to say to Will? I had thought about it. I was currently thinking about it, but I still didn't know what I wanted to do, yet.

"Yeah, I have, but I still don't know, Will." I texted. "This is a very big deal for me. You know that I've never been with anyone. I'm still not sure that I'm ready." I hit send and let out a heavy breath.

"You're texting Will, aren't you?" Colby asked.

"Yeah." I replied. "He's asking about next weekend and if I've made up my mind."

"But, didn't he JUST ask you today?" He exclaimed.

"He asked me yesterday." I replied.

At least, I think it was yesterday. My brain was so jumbled, that I wasn't sure what day he had mentioned it now.

"I don't think you should do it, Cal. You clearly aren't ready. He should understand that, and if he doesn't, well, he doesn't deserve you." He said, sounding annoyed.

"But, maybe I am ready?" I replied, making it sound like a question. "I just don't know. Maybe I'm just scared. I heard that it's supposed to hurt and I'm not really looking forward to that. Plus, I don't know, I always thought that I would wait until marriage. It just seems more romantic and...well, I just think that's how we're supposed to do it."

"It doesn't sound like you're ready." He responded. "I just don't think you should do it. What if Will isn't the right guy for you, and you regret giving him this part of yourself?"

I sat quietly for a moment, until another text from Will came in.

"Come on, Callie! We've been together, doing everything else, for 3 months! I haven't went anywhere and I'm not going to. I love you and only you, so I want to share something really special with you. I just want to show you how much I love you. Don't you love me? Don't you want to show me how much you love me?"

I inwardly groaned, then punched my pillow. Of course, I wanted him to know how much I loved him! I could feel my heart and my brain warring with one another.

I just didn't know what to do.

"I won't regret it." I told Colby. "But, I still don't know if it's what I want to do. I still need some time, I guess. That's what I'll tell him. He's going to at least have to give me until Wednesday or Thursday to think about it."

Colby let out a heavy breath, and I could almost see him shaking his head. "It's your choice, Callie...I just hope you make the right one for you and not for him." He replied, quietly.

"Yeah, I know." I replied. "That's why I don't want to rush the decision. I am curious, and I do want to share that with him, but...I don't know. But anyway, it's beyond late, so I'm going to try and get some sleep. Thanks for talking to me, Colby. You're really my best friend. I love you, you know that?" I laughed a little.

"Yeah, I know." He replied, morosely. "I love you too, Callie. I always will. Goodnight." He hung up before I could reply, so I was just left staring at the phone.

"Well, okay then." I said, then plugged in my phone to charge,and set it on the bedside table.

I really did need to sleep, but my brain was buzzing with the decision that I had to make. I lay there, just going over the pros and cons for a couple of hours, until I finally fell asleep.

The next week flew by and before I knew it, it was Thursday. The day that I was supposed to give Will my answer. Shit.

I still didn't know what the best choice was, but I did know what I was going to choose.

"So?" Will asked, when I got home from school that day.

He had cleaned my room for me, and washed my clothes. Nice. That meant that I didn't have to do that over the weekend.

Maybe I had made the wrong choice. He did so much for me.

"Have you made up your mind?" He had literally asked me every day this week, but I would just laugh and shake my head.

He got a little annoyed when I had asked for time, but it passed quickly and he said he understood.