The Choice (a Painful Past)

11

     Colby passed it to him, while simultaneously pounding his chest, which was still wracked with coughs. "Was that your first time smoking?" I asked, although I was pretty sure that it was. He shook his head and wipe his watery eyes, but I could see the lie. He was embarrassed to say that it was. "It's okay if it is, ya know?" I whispered, then nudged him with my shoulder. He smiled and nodded. 

I let it drop, because I knew that he didn't want to announce it. I had never understood why it was such a bad thing to let people know that you DIDN'T do drugs. In my family, actually doing the drugs was an embarrassment. 

I felt the haze start to work it fingers around the edges of my brain, so I relaxed into it. When I was stoned, I could let go of the bullshit that surrounded my life. I could just forget about the family drama, the fact that I was as poor as dirt, and even the fact that I had lost most of my friends for a short while. 

I watched Chad reach out and pick up a lock of Sherri's platinum hair, then let it sift through his fingertips, before it fell softly back to her shoulders. She was blushing like crazy. 

Then my eyes drifted to Kat and Mitch. He had his arms wrapped around her waist, and she was leaning back into him, with a small smile on pretty face. 

I was happy for my friends. I really was...but I felt that familiar emptiness in my stomach. There wasn't anyone that liked me that much, except a guy that I wasn't even that attracted too. I guess beggars couldn't be choosers, and I was definitely a beggar at this point. 

No, damn it, the weed was supposed to take this bullshit away for a little while. I wasn't supposed to be thinking about this stuff right now. 

I shook the thought from my mind and focused on the music and laughing with my friends, even Colby. I knew he was supposed to be there with his friend, but I never saw him anywhere but standing next to all of us. He didn't contribute to the conversation much, but I could tell he felt a little out of place. I knew the feeling well. 

Before long, the cops showed up, like I knew they would. It was a weekend ritual by now. We all made sure that the alcohol was always hidden or thrown away before they came. They even showed up around the same time every weekend. All they ever did was tell us to clean up our mess and go home. 

While most people headed to Dana's house, I stayed behind to help clean up whatever mess was left. Sherri, Chad, Johnny, and Colby stayed too. Sherri was a little drunk, so she didn't really help much with the cleanup part, but at least we got a good laugh out of her trying. 

Once we finished up, we walked through the woods over to Dana's house. "Where's your friend?" I asked Colby. "Oh, he's already at home. He left way earlier, so he could have time with his girl," he answered. "His girl?" I asked, raising one eyebrow and smirking at him. He rolled his eyes at me and grinned. "You know I'm only 2 years younger than you, right?" he asked. "That's not that long." "Long enough," I replied, wryly. I tried to remember what life had been like for me two years ago. It seemed a lot simpler, that was for sure.

 I could see the fire that was already blazing through the thin stretch of trees, as we got closer to Dana's house. There were cut up tree trunks placed around it, for sitting space, with the coolers placed close by for easy access. It was pretty much the same scene as it had been in the Lot. People dancing, drinking, smoking, and just bullshitting around. 

There seemed to be some major making out in the dark areas by the house. I could hear things that I really didn't want to hear. I would never be able to understand why anyone would do something like that in public, and not worry about getting caught. 

Colby placed his hand on my arm and squeezed, as he walked by to a crowd of younger kids, mostly guys. They were surrounding Dana's mom and I could see why. She was dressed in her bikini, with a sheer white wrap around slung over her hips. I had to admit the woman had a kick ass body, since she had to be in her 40's by now. The little boys' eyes were glued to her breast, which were practically spilling out of the little triangles of her top. 

Sherri and Kat continued to drink, while I smoked every joint, blunt, or bong that was passed my way. A lot of the others had brought their bathing suits and jumped into the pool. I watched them from my seat on one of the logs. It seemed like a lot of fun, but I was way too hesitant and self-conscious. I hadn't even brought a bathing suit.

 Although, that didn't seem to stop most of them, including Kat and Mitch. My mouth fell open a little when they joined the others in stripping their clothes off and jumping in the water wearing their underwear. 

"Wanna go for a swim?" Johnny asked, nudging my arm. "No," I replied, shaking my head. "I didn't bring a suit." He shrugged. "So. Neither did a lot of the others. Underwear is just like a bathing suit." I laughed nervously. "No, it's not. There's a difference. A bathing suit is made for the water. Underwear is not. Besides, I don't know how to swim." 

This time his mouth fell open. "You're kidding! I never knew that!" he exclaimed. "Is that why you would never swim at the lake? I just thought you didn't want to get in the water because of how gross everyone said it was." "Well, that too," I laughed. "But yeah, I never learned how to swim. I don't know. It's like some kind of phobia for me." He shook his head, with wide eyes. 

"Wow. I can't believe that. Hey, I could teach you!" "Oh no, I don't-" I started, but was quickly interrupted. "Hey Callie! I didn't know that you would be here!" I saw Will coming towards me from the pool. He was in his boxer briefs, which barely clung to his thin waist, as the water weighed them down. "Oh, hey Will," I replied. 

I kind of resented his presence right then. I had been having a nice conversation with Johnny. "You know that I come here a lot. We've talked about it," I said, as he sat down on the other side of me.