The Choice (a Painful Past)

37

I admired his features while he talked. Maybe it was because I was drunk, but I had never really noticed just how much he had grown in the last year. He still looked so damn young, but I could see the man he was growing into.

He was going to have girls fawning all  over him. I realized that I was missing half of what he was saying, so I concentrated on that.

"I guess if we keep gaining followers, then the plan is to move to Los Angeles, California. We will have to use all of our savings, and our money for college, so it's going to suck if we don't make it. Now that I think about it, college probably won't be in the cards, whether I make it or not." He said, wistfully.

"You'll make it."I replied, leaning my head back to look up at him. "I know you will. One day, you're gonna be famous, Colby Brock, and I'll get to say that I knew you when."

He smiled wryly and looked down at me. I was struck again by how beautiful his eyes were. Now that he wasn't angry, they had lightened up to that clear blue that I loved so much. I was transfixed for a moment, just staring silently into them.

Then he leaned his head down, slowly, so that I could stop him, if I wanted to. I didn't want to. I closed my eyes when his soft lips met mine.

I knew that I should stop him. This was Colby, my best friend. I had a habit of destroying everything good in my life.

I didn't want to destroy our relationship too, but I couldn't seem to bring myself to stop it. It just felt so good to feel wanted, needed even. My drunken brain told me that this was okay, that it was right.

In the moment, it felt right. I brought my arms up, around his neck and turned my body, so that it was easier to melt into the kiss. My fingers found their way to the curls at the back of his neck and wound themselves into them.

His hands found my waist, just above my hips, and rested there. I just wanted to feel loved. For someone to make this ache in my heart go away.

I deepened the kiss, letting my tongue find his. For a few moments, it was so nice. The ache in my heart stopped, and all that mattered was that Colby wanted me...but then, he broke the kiss.

"Callie, we can't." He said, staring into my eyes.

"Yes, we can." I said, ashamed that it sounded like I was begging.

He bit his lip and shook his head.

"No, we can't. I want nothing more than for this to happen. I've wanted you since the first time I saw you. The day you stepped out of your truck, when you were visiting Katherine. When she was actually your friend. But, it can't happen like this. You're drunk and hurting. I can't take advantage of that."

"But, I know what I'm doing." I whimpered. "You're not taking advantage of me. Please, Colby. I ju-just want the pain to go away."

I was crying again, with the feeling of his rejection squeezing my heart, like a vice. That awful, tight ball of despair was settling in my stomach again, like a rock. I felt nauseous.

"Maybe you do know what you're doing, Cal, but you might feel different about it, when you're sober. I don't want to mess our friendship up, and I feel like this might. If you come to me when you've had enough time to get over that DICK, and you're sober, then I'll be here. I'll be waiting." He replied, softly.

He pulled me closer to him, until my head was against his chest, and I was practically sitting in his lap. It wasn't sexual though. No, it was just comforting.

He held me until I stopped crying, once again.

"I'm sorry." I whispered against his neck.

"Don't be sorry." He replied. "You say that entirely too much. There's nothing for you to be sorry for."

But there was. I had tried to use him to calm my own pain and that wasn't right.

"Let me take you home." He whispered, gently.

I nodded, then shifted off of him. When I saw how far up we were and how far down the ground was, my stomach turned.

"Maybe getting drunk on a roof wasn't a great idea." I muttered, as I pressed my hand against my stomach.

He chuckled and stood deftly to his feet. he held his hand out to me and smiled. I reached up and took it, letting him mostly pull me up. I staggered against him, and almost fell, but he caught me.

He was always here to catch me.

"Let's be quiet. You know Mr. Bryan will call the cops if he hears someone on his roof."

I giggled under my breath.

Mr. Bryan had the best view of all the houses in my neighborhood. You could see the city, if you wanted, or you could look in the other direction and see the moon reflecting off the lake. That's the direction we had been facing.

Thankfully, he went to bed early. The ladder that I had settled against the side of his house was still there. We kept it hidden in the bushes beside his house.

"I'm not so sure using the ladder in your state is a good idea." Colby murmured, as he looked down at the ground, while still holding one arm around my waist. "Come on, let's use the balcony. It'll be easier to help you down that way." I nodded and let him guide me over to the back of the house.

"Sit down right here. I'll climb down first, then help you." He instructed me.

I did as he said, and let my legs dangle over the side of the house. The balcony definitely looked a lot closer than the ground. I just wished it would stop moving.

We weren't going to be able to get on it, if it was still spinning that way. Somehow, Colby did. He was so agile, it was insane to watch, especially when everything was spinning.

"You're a damn monkey." I whispered loudly, as his feet hit the balcony floor.

He chuckled and looked up at me. I was struck again by his eyes, and how intense and beautiful they were. Some girl was going to be incredibly lucky to be able to look into those eyes everyday.

My heart started to hurt a little at the thought of losing him to someone else. He would want to spend every second with whoever snagged his heart, leaving very little time for me.

"Your turn." He whispered.

"What do I do?" I asked.

I had never been drunk on the damn roof before, so I had never used the balcony to get down.