The Choice (a Painful Past)

146

I had discovered a little bit of newer music in the last year, but not much. It was mostly what Ben listened to now. I never bothered with taking the time to find my own style of new music. It just didn't seem important.

Most days, if I wasn't listening to what I liked of Ben's music, then I reverted to my high school favorites, like My Chemical Romance, Panic, or Fall Out Boy.

Since I wasn't familiar with anything that Colby was playing, I let my mind drift, as I stared out the window. Ironically, it drifted back to the days that Will and I had spent just driving around, with no particular destination in mind. We had laughed, blared music, grabbed food from a drive-thru, and just had a great day.

Then, I remembered where we usually ended up on days like that. At his dealer's house, or meeting his dealer at some store, or back road. Then, that ultimately led to me lying motionless in bed, disassociating while he did his thing.

Tears pricked my eyes at the memory, so I bit my lip hard, and closed my eyes. I didn't want to think about that right now. I didn't want to ruin this with my fucked-up mind.

I cleared my throat and dabbed my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt, so that Colby didn't see.

"Hey, do you mind if I smoke?" I asked, as I pulled out the joint that Denise had given me the night before.

"Just in case you start overthinking when you're around your hottie." She had laughed.

I just rolled my eyes and stuck it in my purse, thinking that I wouldn't need it. Now, I was thankful that she had given it to me.

Colby's eyes widened when he realized that I meant a joint and not a cigarette.

"Um, no, I don't mind, but do you think we'll get busted? I mean, in LA, I know how to get by with it, but not here." He replied, with a short laugh.

"Yeah, should be fine. I only need a few hits. Just to calm my nerves." I responded.

"Oh, I make you that nervous, Cal? I think you're good for my ego." He laughed.

I rolled my eyes, but I felt the heat climb to my cheeks.

"You don't make me nervous. I'm just an anxious person now." I mumbled.

"What's that? Didn't hear you! Did I make you speechless? Wow, I think I might need to hang onto you for a while." He teased.

"Oh, shut up." I laughed. "Did you hear that? Can I smoke it or not?"

"Yeah, if you think it's okay." He replied.

I nodded, flicked my Bic, and stuck the flame to the end of the neatly rolled joint. I hit it a few times, breathing the hazy smoke deep into my lungs, before holding my breath.

"Puff, puff, pass dude!" Colby exclaimed, holding his hand out for the joint.

I tried not to laugh, considering that I was still holding the smoke in my lungs, but I was unsuccessful. A burst of laughter escaped, letting loose a billow of gray smoke with it. My throat burned and my eyes stung, as I started to cough.

"Oh shit, sorry!" He said, hastily. "Are you good?"

I nodded, as I tried to suck in a deep breath to cough with. A bottle of water appeared in front of me, so I grabbed it up and drank deeply. I was breathing hard, when I brought the bottle down.

"Thanks." I gasped, as I passed the bottle back to him.

As soon as he took it, I smacked him across his arm.

"Hey! What was that for?!" He exclaimed, looking at me with wide eyes.

"For making me laugh, while smoking!" I replied, indignantly. "You can't smoke while driving!"

He cocked his eyebrow at me, like he wasn't sure if I was joking or not. "You're serious?" He asked. "There's literally no one else on the road, Callie! It's not like I was going to become unable to drive from a few hits of low grade weed."

"So, now my weed's not good enough for you?" I asked.

I held my stern tone, but I was just fucking with him now. I didn't want him smoking or doing anything that could impair his ability to drive, though.

"I didn't say that! I just meant that we get really high grade in LA. It's legal there. You can get it from dispensaries. It's not even legal here yet, so I know it's the street stuff, and half of that is mid at best, while most of it is bap. If I didn't think it was good enough for me, I wouldn't have asked for it." He exclaimed, defensively.

"I'm just kidding." I laughed. "I couldn't resist. You know, since you're all rich now."

"Oh, that's fucked up, Callie. That's not cool at all." He replied.

That just made me laugh harder.

"I'm sorry." I laughed.

"No, you're not." He said, shaking his head, with a smile on his face.

"Yeah, you're right. I'm not." I giggled.

"I'll get you back for that." He replied.

I shrugged.

"I've been through worse." I replied, jokingly.

I saw his eyes dim a little, then realized what I had said. He knew that I had been through some shit with Will, but he didn't know everything. No one knew everything.

I think that I had even blocked some of it out, or repressed it, as my therapist would say.

He brought the car to a stop, so I looked out to see where we were. Radium Springs. I smiled, as I looked out at the beautiful scenery.

"You ready?" He asked, as he opened his door.

I nodded, grabbed my purse, and did the same. I shielded my eyes against the bright sun that threatened to dim my high, and watched Colby walk around to the trunk of his car.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Just getting a few things." He replied, from behind the raised trunk lid.

"If we didn't have any set plans, then what could you be getting?" I asked.

I couldn't help but to tease him. It was like I was slowly regressing into my high school self around him. Too bad my body didn't regress into its high school self.

I still couldn't get over the fact that I thought I was fat back then.

Being with Will had kept me in my "eating my feelings" stage, and I had gained quite a bit of weight.

I knew that, but I tried not to think about it. I subconsciously pulled at my shirt, to make sure that it covered my stomach, before I started to walk around to the trunk with him. He closed it, before I got to him.

He had a small cooler in one hand, and something that looked like a flat purse over his shoulder.

"Um, what's in the purse?" I asked.

My knees threatened to give out, as he threw me one of those big, beautiful smiles.

"It's not a purse, but you'll have to wait and see." He replied, then clicked his tongue.

"Okaaay." I mused, with a shrug.

I'd find out soon enough, I guess.

We stopped in front of the giant sign that marked the entrance to Radium Springs.

"Admire one of the state's seven natural wonders! Radium Springs Gardens pumps 70,000 gallons of clear, 68-degree water per minute from an underground cave. Stroll through a courtyard where the former Radium Springs Casino once stood." He read aloud.