The Choice (a Painful Past)

46

"Why are you being so defensive then? I mean, it doesn't matter, right? We were broken up, and the kid has a crush on you. I can see how that would make you feel good about yourself, after what happened. I am truly sorry about that, Cal...but at least she was only a year younger than us." He replied, matter of factly.

I glared at him, but didn't reply. I didn't feel like arguing again. I didn't feel like talking about what had happened.

My heart hurt enough. I didn't want to relive it right now.

"Can you just hurry up with the blunt?" I sighed.

He picked it up and licked the end, before wrapping it closed.

"Yup, all done." He said, then struck the lighter to it.

I smelled it instantly. The strong smell that could almost make you think that a skunk was around. That's how you  knew it was good stuff.

"I got that loud this time." Will said, while holding the putrid smoke in his lungs.

He blew it out, then hit it again.

"You gonna let me smoke?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

He smirked and blew the smoke up at the ceiling.

"I don't know. What are you gonna do for me?" He joked.

I rolled my eyes, not amused.

"Not a damn thing. Now let me hit it." I replied, keeping my voice hard.

"Damn, okay. I was just joking, Cal. Don't be so sensitive. I guess me talking about that kid really upset you, huh?" He asked, before passing me the blunt.

"Yeah, it did." I retorted. "Can we just talk about something else? Every time you bring up that shit, all I can see is you and HER."

He huffed out a breath. "Jesus Christ, I said that I was sorry. I didn't MEAN to do it, Callie! I was fucked up! I thought it was you, until you walked in the door! How long am I gonna have to pay for this?"

He was getting angry now. I could hear it in his voice and I really didn't feel like dealing with it.

"Whatever." I muttered. "Let's talk about something else."

He let out a sigh of disgust. "Yeah, whatever." He replied.

We sat there in silence for a while, just passing the blunt back and forth between us. Before long, the floaty feeling entered my mind, leaving a hazy peace. I stretched my arms over my head and sighed.

This was definitely what I needed. Just to escape reality for a little while. I turned the TV on and set it to some stupid sitcom that I didn't really need to pay attention to.

Eventually, I was sucked into the story line, and let the bullshit leave my mind. The happy, mindless comedy went well with the high. Will eventually got up and came to sit with me on the couch.

I didn't say anything. I actually enjoyed his warm body next to mine. When he took my hand, I let that happen too.

I missed him so damn much. I missed when we didn't have this bullshit between us. I really wanted to be able to forget what happened. To forgive him.

I know he said that it wasn't his fault, and maybe that was true, but it didn't stop the images from repeating in my mind. I sighed heavily, thinking about it.

He looked over at me, with concern in his eyes.

"You okay?" He asked.

I nodded and smiled.

"Yeah, just not feeling great. I have a headache. The remnant of a little hangover. That's all. I think I'm going to go lie down for a little while." I responded, taking my hand from his.

His face fell slightly.

"You want me to go?" He asked, sadly.

A dull ache spread through my chest. I didn't really want him to leave, but then again, I kind of did. I had no idea what I wanted.

I shook my head, not wanting to hurt his feelings.

"No, you don't have to leave. I'm just going to go take a nap." I replied, gently.

"Want me to lay with you?" He asked, hopefully.

I sighed inwardly. No. Yes. I didn't know.

It would feel nice to have him lay with me again. It had been lonely the past couple of nights.

"If you want. I just want to rest though." I said, softly reminding him that I wasn't ready for anything else.

"Okay." He replied, then stood and held his hand out to me.

I took it and let him lead me to our room. It was still our room. His stuff was still in it, marking it.

I had been sleeping on the couch the past couple of nights, just so that I wouldn't have to see it, or be in it alone, just being reminded of him. I sat down on the edge and kicked my shoes off, then lay back and turned on my side. He crawled in behind me and wrapped his arm around my waist.

He pulled me tight against him, and tears stung my eyes again.

Had he laid with Laura like this? God, I hated constantly thinking about this! I squeezed my eyes closed and started singing one of my favorite songs in my head.

I concentrated on the words and tune that was playing. Eventually, I fell into a deep sleep.

When I woke up, it was hot. Suffocatingly so. Will was still behind me, with his body heat radiating through my thin shirt.

I was sweating. I gently moved his arm from around my waist, then sat up slowly. I glanced back to see Will lying on his side, with his hand under his cheek.

He looked so young and innocent when he was asleep. I really did love him. I didn't want to lose him over a mistake.

He was my best friend, as well as my lover, and it felt like I was losing the biggest part of myself without him. I was losing this battle of making him wait, and I knew it.

I sighed, then stood, and walked out of the room. I padded down the hallway, in my socks, until I reached my kitchen. My throat was so dry.

I pulled the water pitcher out of the refrigerator and poured me a glass of cold water. It felt so good when the icy fluid hit the back of my throat. I guzzled it, then poured me one more glass to take into the living room with me.

When I sat down on the couch, I saw my phone still sitting on the coffee table. That reminded me that I was going to have to listen to Colby bitching at me soon.

"Great." I mumbled, then picked it up.

Sure enough, there were several texts from him.

"What the FUCK are you thinking, Callie?"

"After what he did to you?! Are you fucking serious?!"

"You don't have to do this, Cal. The pain will pass. You just have to be strong."