The Choice (a Painful Past)

163

I looked back up at him, still holding onto one of his legs, and noticed that my face was directly aligned with the zipper of his jeans.

"OH!" I exclaimed and pulled back from him. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean- um, I just need my phone. Will you get my phone?"

I wanted to fling myself over the gate right then. Bury myself beneath the concrete. Anything to forget that, if someone had walked outside right at that moment, it definitely would've looked like I was about to give Colby head.

"Sit down, Callie. Here." He said, as he helped me sit back down.

I didn't even look at him. There was no way. All I could see was his damn zipper.

"I'll get your phone." It only took him a few seconds, before he was sitting down next to me and setting my phone down beside me. "I don't think you should pick that up, unless you're okay with dropping it over the edge. I'm pretty sure that could happen very easily right now. You're drunk." He laughed.

I was still mortified, but..maybe he hadn't noticed. Or maybe he was just playing dumb. That worked too.

I didn't even want to acknowledge it.

"Thanks." I murmured.

"No problem." He replied, before he took a swallow of his own drink.

I looked around and found my new cup and turned it up. I didn't even feel the burn from the liquor anymore. With the way Colby made it, I couldn't taste it either.

It tasted just like a sour pink lemonade, with a watermelon twist. It was no wonder that I was so drunk. Hehe, I hadn't felt this good in a long time.

I seemed to be thinking that a lot.

Was it Colby's influence that made me so happy about everything? Maybe. Probably...but he would be leaving soon.

What would my life be like then? I wasn't unhappy when he wasn't here. I was just stuck in a monotonous routine that ruled my life.

I never had the time to just be myself.

Even when I took Ben and the other kids on 'adventures,' I still had to be a mom.

I couldn't just be one of the group and do stupid things. No, I had to make sure that the kids didn't do stupid things. Sometimes, it really sucked being the responsible one.

Sometimes, I really wish that I had taken Colby up on his offer and moved with him to LA.

"Do you like living in LA?" I blurted out. "I mean, is it safe? I bet it would be too overwhelming for me."

He twisted the bulky silver rings on his fingers and glanced at me. "Yeah, I like it, for the most part. There are days when I would love nothing more than to move out to the countryside. Somewhere quiet and peaceful. I think I would get bored with that after a while though. Maybe when I'm older and I'm ready to retire. Los Angeles is home now. The nighttime city sounds that used to keep me up, don't bother me anymore. The traffic still sucks, but I'm used to it now. Besides, if I'm not going that far, I just get an Uber to take me. The party scene is amazing. I'm pretty fucked up on most weekends and some weekdays, if I'm being honest. The people though...you have to watch out for them. Some are real. Really great people. Some seem that way, but they stab you in the back if you give them enough time. I don't have that many people that I can trust out there. Sam, obviously. His girlfriend, Kat. You'd like her. Our friend, Stas. She's pretty cool. Really got me interested in the festival scene. My friend, Brennen. I haven't seen him a lot lately, but he's one of my best friends. Other than that, I'm not sure that I trust too many other people. I like to keep my circle small anyway, though." He replied.

"You guys always have massive parties though. Or you're going to massive parties. I don't think I could be around that many people. I would have a total panic attack and completely break down." I said, as I looked up at the sky.

"You get used to it. You know how bad my anxiety used to be." He replied, with a short laugh. "I haven't thrown up in a while, thank God. Besides, even though all of those people are around, I usually just stick to my crowd. It's not as bad as you think. Gotta live life to the fullest, right?"

I smiled at him, and noticed the way his dimples popped out, when he moved his mouth just right.

"Yeah, if you're able to." I said, softly. "Anyway, I guess I'll tell you more. God, where do I even start this time?"

I went over all of the fucked up shit in my past relationship, inside my head, like there was a filing cabinet inside there. Yelling: covered that. Physical abuse: covered that. Cheating: I hadn't told that part of the story yet.

"I guess I'll go with the cheating." I sighed.

"I was here for that." He glowered.

I looked over at him, and noticed his jaw was clenched again.

Too late to stop now, I suppose.

"You were here for one time, that you know of. I think there was one more time that I didn't tell anyone about, before you actually left. There have been so many times combined within all of those years. I can't even remember how many, if I'm being honest. There was one time, when we were staying with some friends of ours. A married couple. I thought the wife was a good friend. I was wrong. I went to bed, because I was tired. I assumed that Will would be following me soon, so I took all of my clothes off."

I heard him suck in a sharp breath, but I just powered through it. This memory still hurt me really badly.

"I thought that I was being sexy. You know, when he came to bed, he would get under the covers and then realize that I was naked. Instead, I waited. He never showed up. Then, I heard the moans and gasps. There's not too many things that you can mistake those sounds for. So, I got up, threw an oversized shirt on and opened the bedroom door. We were in the room that is right next to the living room, so I could automatically see what was happening. Will was on top of my friend, on the couch, just ramming into her. Oh yeah, and she was pregnant. Not big pregnant, but still pregnant. When they saw me, he jumped up, letting his dick hang out, and started making excuses. The usual, like, 'it's not what you think,' and 'I didn't mean for it to happen. All that bullshit. My friend just hung her head and stayed quiet, while I screamed at him. That pissed me off, because she played a part in it too. So, I grabbed the back of her head and shoved it into the wooden arm of the couch. I wanted to do more, so I had to keep reminding myself that she was pregnant. I left that night and went to my mom's. We were staying up north, around her, at that time. It only took 3 fucking days, before I went back to him. 3 days. I'm such a fucking idiot." I berated myself.

It was true though.

What kind of woman with any sort of backbone would let someone treat her that way? Repeatedly!