The Choice (a Painful Past)

79

"Oh, I thought you might want to message Amanda back. She can't wait to see you." I said, before I turned on my heel and walked out of the room.

I grabbed my purse from my Mom's room, which is where I kept it, so that Will couldn't steal anything out of it, and walked outside to my car that my mother helped me get. I got in and cranked it up, waiting for the engine to warm up and for Will to come outside and start telling me his bullshit lies. A few minutes later, he did.

"Hey, I didn't send this to her!" He exclaimed, after piling his shit in the back.

"I don't care." I mumbled, as I put the car in reverse.

"What do you mean 'you don't care?'" He asked. "Why are you mad at me? I got hacked! How am I supposed to stop that from happening? I'm telling you, I didn't send this bullshit to her!"

I laughed, and yanked the gear shift into Drive. "Okay, whatever." I replied.

I was hurt, but I was more angry than in pain. I really had gotten to the point where I didn't care anymore. Maybe I was finally ready to let him go.

Maybe...but not quite.

"I'm serious, Callie. You have to believe me. I told you that I wasn't doing  that shit anymore, and I meant it." He said, sternly.

"You say that every time, Will. What makes this time any different?" I asked, as I sped towards his parents house.

They still lived in the same spot, just two miles away from my house.

"Because, I really didn't do this, Cal!" He exclaimed. "I swear to God, I got hacked. I didn't do this. You believe me, don't you?"

I didn't, obviously, but I was already used to hearing his lies. "I don't know." I replied. "But, it's whatever. I'm not gonna worry about it."

He was quiet, but I could feel him staring at me, as I pulled up into his parents' driveway. The old, rundown, black and white trailer looked drab under the hanging moss that trailed from the trees above it.

"That's it, then?" He asked, quietly.

I put the car into park, and looked over to meet his probing gaze.

"That's it. I can't stop you from fucking around with other girls, from lying, stealing, or doing drugs. You're a grown man, who's gonna do whatever the fuck he wants to do. I can't be your mother. I'm already one to someone who really needs me. Your mother lives here, and while I love her to pieces, she didn't do a very good job in raising you. You're too much like your father." I responded.

"I don't know what that means!" He exclaimed, grabbing his hair with both hands, before letting his hands slap down on the seat. "Are we okay? Are we broken up, again? I don't know what's happening with us!"

I almost laughed at the distressed look on his face. "I don't know that either." I replied.

I wanted to say, "We're done. I don't want to talk to you or see you after I leave here," but I just couldn't.

Fear started to clog my throat, as soon as I started thinking about living without him.

Who was I, without him? That's how everyone knew us. It was always Will and Callie, Callie and Will. I was Will's girlfriend, and he was Callie's boyfriend.

So, the fear of being with someone new clouded my better judgement.

"For now, we're fine, I guess." I replied, looking away from him. "We'll talk about all of this later."

"You sure?" He asked, after a long minute of staring at me, while he chewed his bottom lip.

I nodded.

"Yeah, do you need help getting your stuff out of the car?"

"Yeah, if you want. You can just sit it on the porch and I'll take it from there." He replied.

I nodded again, and got out of the car, before he could say anything else. We unpacked the car quietly, except for him giving me instructions on where to set something. Like I didn't know how to put things on the porch.

God, I hated when he treated me like I was a stupid bitch. I had straight A's in school! I was in the advanced classes, for fuck's sake!

This mother fucker couldn't even make it past two weeks of the 9th grade!

"Just set that over-"

I couldn't take it anymore. I cut him off.

"Oh my God, Will, I know where the fucking porch is and I can see where there are empty spots to put things!" I exclaimed.

"Okay, damn, I was just trying to help." He said, angrily, with his eyes flashing.

"Well, don't." I sighed. "I don't need help. I know what I'm doing."

"Whatever." He replied.

We finished up the last few bags without speaking.

"I guess I'm gonna go then. I have to take Ben to Scouts soon." I said, as I climbed back into my car.

"Okay. I'll see you this weekend, though, right?" He asked, leaning into my window.

"Sure." I replied.

He leaned forwards and pressed his lips to mine. I wanted to push him off of me, but I didn't. I held my ground and waited, motionlessly, for him to move away.

"You sure you're okay?" He asked, noticing my reaction to his kiss.

"Yes, I'm fine." I replied, smiling at him.

"Okay then. I'll see you later. I love you." He said, backing away from my car.

"Love you too." I replied, then put the car into reverse.

I kept my gaze averted, and never looked back, as I pulled out of his driveway and headed towards my home. It was finally my home. He was gone.

I could decorate my room however I wanted. I didn't have to walk on eggshells, scared that I would start an argument, or be berated for something that I did. Then, when I pulled pack into my yard, I did something that I hadn't done in a very long time.

I smiled. A real smile. Not because of Ben, Mom, or anyone else. I smiled for me.

I felt almost free. There was just one more thing to do, but I wasn't going to worry about it today. I was already full on enough drama and emotional distress for the day.

When I walked inside my home, I found Ben, lying on the couch, reading a book. He was so engrossed in the Percy Jackson book, that he didn't even see me come in. I tiptoed over to him, then leaned down and started mercilessly tickling him.

"AHHH!" He screamed, as he wiggled underneath my fingertips. "MOOOOM STOOOOOP!" He shrieked, in his deeper, yet still childlike, voice.

He had started calling me Mom about a year after I took him in.