The Choice (a Painful Past)

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I opened the app and went to the message.

"Hey Cal. I was just making sure that you made it home safely. It was really good to see you tonight. You look exactly the same, by the way. Anyway, I can't wait to see you tomorrow night. Sleep well."

I smiled, while reading it. I sent him a message, telling him that I made it home, that it was good to see him, and that I was going to sleep.

Just as I was about to set my phone down for the night, it buzzed again. I checked it and groaned. Another text from Will.

"Not tonight." I muttered, then set the phone face down on my table.

I wasn't going to argue with him, and I could tell from the summary that he was definitely trying me.

All I saw was something about "Oh, you really expect me to think that you let a kid's party go on past midnight? That's such bullshit." And that's when I stopped reading.

I was too tired to care about what he thought. This night had been amazing. Fun, exciting, scary, nerve-wracking, with a little bit of everything else thrown into it.

I wasn't going to let him mess it up. Instead, I closed my eyes and tried to remember every detail that I could from this night. Then, I moved on to thinking about what tomorrow night was going to be like.

Was I going to invite people?

Who did I even have to invite? Denise had Xander all weekend, which meant that she would have Ben too. Of that, I was certain.

It was just the way these boys worked. She was really the only one that I could ask. I mean, there was Sherri, but she rarely came to anything.

I was surprised that she had made it to the party tonight, even if they didn't stay too long. She and Shawn usually just stayed at home or went to hang out with his friends. I could try, I guess. I would call her tomorrow.

I drifted off to sleep, with a picture of a big, beautiful grin and blue eyes in my mind. I slept deeply, not even moving in my sleep. The Tylenol PM had definitely done its job.

I slept late the next morning, till almost 10am. That was late for me. I opened my eyes, groggily, and flipped over onto my back.

My foggy, sleep induced brain took a minute to kick start. When it did, I remembered the night before.

Ben's party. The fun that we had. The smile on his face. All of it.

Including the invitation from Sam and Colby for tonight. Oh God. Panic started to fill my brain, so I took a deep breath and closed my eyes again.

No. I would not freak out about this. It was fine.

Sam and Colby were just two guys that I had grown up with. Well, for a few years anyway. That didn't matter.

They were my old friends, who just so happen to have made it into a couple of really successful, well known guys. No big deal. They were the same people that I used to smoke blunts with and look at the moon with.

More Colby, than Sam, but I had hung out with Sam quite a few times too. He and Colby were basically attached at the hip back then. They were always making stupid little videos to post on Vine.

I had to admit that they were pretty funny though. I giggled, thinking about the first one that they had done. They had gotten me to film that one.

We went to a fast food place, where they decided it was a good idea to jump on top of tables and just scream. I remembered laughing at the expressions on the faces of the people who were sitting around, eating. They were shook and didn't quite know what to do.

I didn't really think anything of it back then. It was just social media. Everyone did it.

Not everyone put in as much work and thought into it, like Sam and Colby did. It was weird when kids from the other town school started recognizing them though. They were still bullied and teased in our school.

There had even been a meme going around about them having so many followers on Vine, but still sat alone at lunch. It still pissed me off, when I thought about that. I hoped that everyone in this stupid little town knew who they were now.

I hoped that the bullies saw how much they were loved around the world. God, that was so crazy. They were literally loved by millions of people around the world.

Not just the states, but the fucking world. They really had made it. They didn't belong in this sleepy little town anymore. They were big city guys now.

Walking the sidewalks of Rodeo Drive, buying Gucci and Balenciaga. Most of the people in this town couldn't even spell that. I laughed to myself, as I threw the covers back and stood up.

It was time to start my day. I slipped my shorts on and padded, barefoot, into the kitchen. I sat down at the table, while the coffee, for mom, finished brewing, and pulled out my phone.

I sighed heavily, when I saw that there were a few more texts from Will. There was something seriously wrong with me, because I still missed him. Even after all of these horrible texts, and him not giving a shit about showing up for Ben.

I still loved him, after over a year. Knowing that he and Kelly were together hurt me. It was so stupid, but it was true.

My therapist had said that it was because I had formed an unhealthy attachment to Will. Even after everything he had done, he never left me. Everyone else in my life had left me.

Apparently, that had really messed up something with my mental status. Because, while I did still love him, I also hated him. I hated him, and blamed him, for so many things.

The texts that he sent were all accusing me of being with someone else, instead of at Ben's party. He called me a whore and said that I was more focused on fucking someone, instead of making HIS son's birthday a good one. Anger flooded my system, but I didn't text him back.

Instead, I got on Instagram. It seemed to be my go-to app, when I had nothing else to do. I had another message on there, so I checked it.

It was Colby again.

"Do you want to hang out today? Before the little party? Have you invited anyone? Just wondering how many people we should plan for. I'm up early, because I couldn't really sleep last night. Let me know."

I thought about his offer. I mean, I didn't really have anything to do today. The usual stuff, like straighten the house, wash the dishes, make sure that Mom had clean clothes, help her get dressed, and do her hair.

Her hands were pretty arthritic now, so she needed help with those things. I mean, she was almost 70 years old now. I guess this was pretty common.

I sometimes resented the fact that she and Dad had me when they were so much older. I mean, most people didn't have kids in their 40s. I resented it, because I knew that I wouldn't get as much time with my parents, as other people did.