The Choice (a Painful Past)

39

"Oh no, oh no, oh no." I whimpered, as I buried my face into the couch. "This can't be happening."

I had more to apologize for, than I had originally thought.

A buzzing sound caught my attention, as it sent vibrations through my body, up to my head.

"Shut up." I moaned, then felt around inside my pockets, pulling out the wretched phone.

"What?" I grumbled, as I answered it, not bothering to check the number.

"Callie? It's Will." The familiar voice said.

A sharp pain shot through my heart, as my eyes flew open.

"Oh, Jesus Christ." I moaned again, turning away from the bright sunlight.

"Are you okay?" He asked, sounding concerned.

"Psshh." I said, into the phone, after I pulled the blanket over my head.

"Like you care." I replied.

"Baby, don't be that way. I've been so worried about you. You wouldn't answer my calls, or even my texts. I want to explain what happened. Please?" He said, sounding like he was full of regret.

I sat up, ignoring the throbbing inside my skull.

"You're full of shit, Will." I said, angrily. "If you cared about me the least little bit, I wouldn't have found you AT MY SISTER'S HOUSE WITH YOUR MOUTH ALL OVER SOME WHORE!!"

Anger was radiating through my body now, almost drowning out the hangover headache that I had.

He sighed heavily into the phone.

"I know. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking straight. I took something out of Ana's stash. I don't even know what it was, but I was completely fucked up. I started freaking out and Laura hit me up on Facebook. She said that she would come over and help me. I was so fucked up, Callie. I'm sorry. I barely even remember what happened. One second, she was holding a cold rag to my head, the next she was on the couch with me. I don't even know how I ended up ki-"

"Stop." I replied, closing my eyes against the hateful images that surfaced in my mind. "That's just an excuse, Will. You cheated on me, no matter what the circumstances were." My voice was catching, as the tears sprang to my eyes.

God, I was so tired of crying.

It seemed like that's all I had done for the past few days.

"I know, Cal. I'm so sorry. I wish that I could take it back. I'd do anything to take it back."

My heart throbbed painfully inside my chest. I mean, people did things that they didn't really mean, when they were fucked up. I knew that from watching my family.

"Why did you take anything, especially if you didn't even know what it was?" I whimpered.

I hated myself for sounding so pathetic.

"I don't know. I didn't have any weed, and you know how I get when I don't have something. I just...I wanted to get high. That's it. I knew that, whatever it was, it would get me fucked up. I knew that it wouldn't kill me because your sister takes that stuff all the time. I...that's the only reason that I have. It was stupid. But, I promise, if you give me another chance, I will make it up to you. Nothing like this will ever happen again. I love you so so much, Cal. I always have. You know that, don't you?" He asked, hesitantly.

I bit my lip and closed my eyes. I couldn't stop the salty tears that continued to rain down my cheeks and over my nose. I almost couldn't breathe.

"I can't." I whispered. "I can't go through this again. Will, you hurt me so badly. I feel like I'm dying from the pain."

I didn't really want him to know, but then again, I did. I wanted him to know what he had done to me, and how it made me feel. I didn't want him to know, because I didn't want to seem weak.

But, God, I was so weak. I felt myself giving in to him, so I took a deep breath and compromised with myself. I wouldn't go through this again, but he sounded so remorseful.

He would have to prove that he meant what he was saying, before I could let him in again.

"I'm so sorry, Callie. I don't know what to do to make things better, to make them right. I fucked up. I'll hate myself forever, for doing this to you." He said, quietly.

I was silent for a moment, steeling myself, so that I could say what I needed to say.

"Fine. If you really mean what you say then you won't mind proving it." I replied.

"Anything." He said, eagerly. "I'll do whatever you want me to do."

"I'm not ready to give you another chance, but if you really mean it, and you really love me, then you'll be okay with that. I need some time and I need to know that you really do want to be with me, and no one else."

"I only want you, Callie. Forever. For the rest of my life. I'll marry you right now, if that's what you want. I'll crush my phone. I'll delete my Facebook account. Anything you want."

I nodded, even though I knew he couldn't see me. "That sounds like a good idea, actually." I replied. "For a while at least. Social media needs to go, because I can't trust that you won't be speaking to other girls right now."

"Baby, I swear I won't. I won't talk to another girl, as long as I live, I swear." He answered, hastily.

"Okay." I sighed.

"So, we're back together? I don't want to throw away a whole year, just because I'm an idiot and I did something stupid." He whined.

"No, we're not back together. Not yet. Like I said, I need a little time, and I need to know that you mean what you're saying, because I can't deal with this again. It hurts too much." I answered. "But, maybe soon. Okay?"

"Yeah, okay." He sighed, remorsefully. "But, can we still makeout? Or have sex?"

"No." I laughed, shaking my head. "That's not taking time! You're such a horn dog."

"Only for you though." He replied, making his voice go all deep.

My body shivered from the insinuating tone.

"Anyway." I said, bypassing the subject. "If you're okay with this, then we'll work on it. But, for now, we're just friends."

"If that's all I get, and you give me a chance to show you how much I love you, and how sorry I really am, then I'm okay with it." He answered.

"Okay." I sighed. "I'm gonna go for now. I have a bad headache, that I need to get rid of. I'll talk to you later though."