The Choice (a Painful Past)

97

It was okay. I had learned to deal with disappointment a lot in my life. This wasn't anything new for me.

I knew how to push the feeling down and ignore it, for the most part. Besides, Sam was busy. He probably didn't have the time to call some kid, just because a girl he used to kind of know, asked him to. And that was fine.

My disappointment would fade into the background, but I wouldn't subject Ben to it. He had experienced too much disappointment in his life, as well.

A few minutes later, I was lost in the show, but I heard Ben answer his phone.

"Um, hello?" He said.

"Who is it? Is it Xan?" I asked, my hope rising just a little.

Ben shook his head and shrugged.

"Yes, this is Ben." He said into the phone.

"Put it on speaker." I whispered, urgently.

He rolled his eyes but did as I asked.

"Hey, Ben! I heard that you wanted to talk to me, so I was just giving you a call." The voice on the other end replied.

It had to be Sam. I didn't know what he sounded like anymore, but it wouldn't be anyone else saying those things.

"I don't know who this is?" Ben replied, making it sound like a question.

"Oh." Sam replied, then laughed. "This is Sam. Sam Golbach. One half of XPLR. The better half, obviously."

"NO FREAKING WAY! No, it's not! You're joking! MOM?!"

I laughed at his expression. It was torn between excitement, skepticism, and confusion.

I shrugged, like it was nothing.

"You said you wanted me to get in touch with them, so I did."

"THIS IS NOT SAM! REALLY?!" He yelled into the phone.

"Ow, maybe take it down a notch, buddy. I've got my air Pods in. I promise you, I am Sam. I know your mom from way back. When she said you were a fan and wanted to talk to me, I jumped at the chance."

"I- I- Mom? Sam? Uh...I don't know what to say?" Ben stammered out.

I couldn't help but to laugh again, but it was sympathetically. I couldn't imagine being able to talk to someone that I considered famous and someone that I looked up to.

"You're fine." I said quietly. "He's just a normal person. Just ask some questions or talk to him like a friend. He's a nice guy."

He swallowed hard and nodded. "Okay, um, so, what's it like being able to explore abandoned places and do crazy stuff as a job? I think that's gotta be so cool." He said, as he nervously bounced his knee.

"It is pretty cool." Sam agreed. "Colby and I have been blessed to be able to do this, but it did take a lot of hard work. It wasn't all fun and games, I promise you. When we first moved to LA, we had to live with a friend, and we ate Ramen 6 times a day, because it was all we could afford."

"Really?" Ben asked, with amazement in his eyes. "I eat Ramen, like, once on school days, but more on the weekends. I'd eat 6 if Mom would let me."

Sam laughed. "I promise that she's doing you a favor. They're actually not all that good for you. So, what's your favorite video?"

That was the perfect question for him to ask Ben, because the kid went off on a speech about the different videos that were his favorite and why they were his favorites. Each one had a different element that he loved. Like one was the funniest, then one was the coolest place, but then this one looked like it was more fun, that one was awesome, but dangerous.

The list went on and on.

Sam kept up a conversation with him for almost 45 minutes, until he had to go.

"I hate to do this, buddy, but I gotta go. I'm supposed to go out with Kat and Colby tonight, and I'm not even dressed yet. I'll call you again sometime though. If you're ever in LA, you guys should come see us."

"Wait, REALLY?" Ben exclaimed, turning his wide, pleading eyes on me. "Can we do that, Mom? Can we?!"

How the fuck was I supposed to go to LA? I didn't have the money for all of that. Fuck.

"I don't know, baby. I can't make that promise. I will say IF we ever have the extra money, then yes, but I wouldn't count on it." I replied.

His eyes fell just a little, but then they lit back up.

"That's what you said about Sam talking to me, but he's on the phone right now. So, I'm gonna have a little hope." He replied, with a smile.

Sam laughed, his joyful exuberance radiating through the phone speaker.

"You've got a smart kid, Cal." He responded. "I think that you guys will be here one day. If you want it bad enough."

I kind of wanted to scream at him not to say shit like that, when Ben could hear him. Another part of me wanted to believe him.

"Yeah, I guess." I replied, with a short laugh.

"You gotta have faith, Ma." Ben said, then laughed when I rolled my eyes at him.

"Okay dude, I actually have to go, but it was so awesome talking to you. Thanks for watching our videos. Means a lot. I'll talk to you later." Sam spoke up.

Ben sighed, pitifully.

"Okaaay, I guess." He said. "But please call me again! Please!"

"I will. Don't worry and be good for your mom, okay?"

"Yes sir." Ben replied.

Sam fell silent for a second before he spoke again.

"That was strange to hear." He laughed.

"Habit." Ben said, with his cheeks flaming red.

"It's fine, Ben. Just a little strange. I'm not really used to hearing that." Sam replied.

They talked for a couple of more minutes, then Sam said goodbye again, and Ben disconnected the call. Next thing I knew, he was on me in a flash, with his skinny arms grabbing me in a choke hold around my neck. I hugged him back tightly, and felt my eyes prick with tears.

I had done well. I had just earned massive points in the Mom Handbook.

"Thank you so much, Mama." He said, with his face buried in my neck.

I could tell that he was trying not to cry. He thought, at 14, he was too big to cry.

"All I did was send a message, baby. Sam did the rest." I replied, softly.

He sniffed but didn't say anything else. I had a feeling that he was barely keeping it together.

The excitement from Sam's call lasted all week, although, the other kids weren't nearly as happy for him, as I was.