The Choice (a Painful Past)

91

"So, about you and Will. I have something that I have to tell you." She said quietly, keeping her head down.

Oh God, this was about to be bad. I could tell.

"What?" I asked, urging her on.

"Okay, I know that you and Will are done. Or, I really hope that you're done with him." She said, avoiding my gaze.

"I am." I replied, honestly scared of what she was about to say.

"Is he still talking to you though? Like he did on Halloween? Like, telling you that he wants you back and he'll never fuck up again, etc?" She asked, keeping her eyes on my nails.

"Yeah, he's said it a few times. I kinda started ignoring him a lot though. Get to the point." I sighed.

"Okay." She said, looking up at me. "I heard that he was already hanging out with this girl. You might know her. She works at County Line Store. Her name is Kelly. She said that they've been hanging out a lot recently." She bit her lip and kept her eyes on me.

My heart felt heavy in my chest.

What was I supposed to do with that information? Oh God, it hurt. I wanted to throw up.

I wanted to cry, to scream, something. Anything to release whatever this feeling was.

"Okay." I sighed, after a few minutes. "I guess that's a good thing. I prayed for him to find someone so that he could leave me alone."

"Are you okay, though? Cuz, I know that's gotta hurt. You were with him for a long time, and I know how much you loved him, regardless of the fact that he is a lying, manipulating mother fucker." She replied, angrily. "I want to cut his balls off, fry em up, and serve them to him on a plate. So, he can love his damn self."

If I hadn't still been processing what she had said about Will and Kelly, then I would've laughed. I loved that she was so fiercely protective of me.

"I know her." I whispered. "I went to school with her. She was in a grade below me. I caught her messaging Will a few years back, trying to get with him. I guess she finally got what she wanted."

"I'm sorry, Cal. I really am. You deserve so much better than that asshole though." She said, as she put the file down and held my hand. "He's a piece of shit."

I sighed heavily and gave her a small smile. "I know...I shouldn't even care. I don't know why I still do."

"Because you loved him. Way too much, in my opinion. It's normal for this to bother you, but I promise that it gets easier." She replied.

I laughed sadly and shook my head.

"How would you know? You took advantage of the whole "get over someone by getting under someone else" very literally."

She giggled and shrugged. "Hey, it worked. I recommend it actually. You haven't even been with anyone else, have you? Just Will. Yeah, he really didn't and doesn't deserve you."

"Just Will." I replied, as I wiggled my fingers to signal to her to finish my nails.

She took the hint and started up again, as I kept talking.

"I can't just sleep with someone though. As much as I want to, even if it's just to hurt him, I can't. I have to have an emotional attachment, and I don't even know anyone to start getting to know them enough for that. I don't know. It's too soon, anyway. I just want to focus on myself right now."

"Makes sense. You do you, but I'm always here if you need to talk. You know that right?" She asked, pausing, as she looked up at me.

"Yeah, I know. I love you, you know that right?" I asked, with a smile.

She giggled and nodded.

"As you should."

I laughed and the subject changed to other nonsense. I didn't talk about Will the rest of the night, but images of him with Kelly kept popping up in my mind. I would always push them away, but they kept coming back.

Damn it, this hurt.

When my night with Denise was over, and it was time for me to head home, I dreaded it. Without her to distract me, my mind was left alone to ponder everything that was going through it. This was usually when I would take Will back.

I couldn't stand the thought of him being with someone else. It hurt deep down, like it had taken root in my heart and was steadily releasing a poison in my veins.

When I finally got home, I was crying. I wiped the tears from my wet face and tried to cover up the red blotches on my cheeks.

"Well, maybe I'll just stay in the dark." I said to my reflection, as I snapped my powder closed.

I knew that my mom would question me, if she saw that I looked like I had been crying. Ben would too, if he was still up and he probably was. My mom let that child do whatever he wanted.

He really had her wrapped around his little finger. If they questioned me, then I would just start crying again, and I didn't feel like explaining anything. Especially if my brother was still up.

He hated Will and would scoff at the idea of me crying over him. I knew Will was a piece of shit and that he had treated me horribly at times, but no one understood the way I felt about him. It didn't matter that he had done all of that stuff to me.

It didn't kill my love for him. Not entirely anyway. All it did was push me to the point, where I knew that I couldn't stay with him anymore, even if my heart was begging me to.

I took a deep breath, grabbed my purse, and got out of the car. I opened the door quietly and stepped inside the dark house. I could hear Ben's laughter coming from my mom's room, so I knew they were still up.

I smiled at the sound of it. Hearing him happy, always lifted my spirits.

I walked down the hallway and stopped just inside her bedroom door.

"Hey, what are you still doing up, kid?" I asked, raising my eyebrow at him.

"Grandma said I could!" He protested, throwing his grandma under the bus with a quickness.

She laughed.

"Well, you definitely aren't gonna go down with me, huh?"

"No ma'am." Ben laughed, with her.

"Lucky for you, it's not a school night. It's still after 1 in the morning though, so not much longer. Deal?" I replied.

"Till 2?" He asked, begging me with his eyes. "Please? Me and Grandma are playing Crash Bandicoot!"

I couldn't help but to smile and give in. "Okay, till 2, but no later."