The Choice (a Painful Past)

67

I was remembering this day, two years later, as I sat on top of the old man's roof again, staring out at the city. Just like before, tears were streaming down my face, and my heart was breaking.

I had recently found out that Will had been doing drugs for the past two years, and it had gotten increasingly worse. I didn't understand how I had never seen it. The small amounts of money that seemed to go missing and were never found.

The times that he had spent the night with Dusty, or some other friend, and wouldn't talk to me.

He would always say "I'm gonna hang out with them, and I'll call you tomorrow."

The times that he was home, and would stay in the bathroom for way longer than was necessary. My dumb ass had thought that he wanted to watch porn and get himself off, rather than have sex with me. I never, ever thought he was actually doing drugs.

Yes, we had taken a few opioids from time to time, but it was only every now and then...or so I had thought. Come to find out, he was still buying the pain pills, without me. I had heard rumors that he was doing things like that, so I confronted him.

He called me crazy, and accused me of believing others, instead of him. It ended like most of our arguments did, with a lot of yelling, a few holes in walls, and his bloody knuckles. I didn't hold my tongue as much as before though.

I would try to, but then he would just keep egging it on, slamming doors, punching walls, and saying shit under his breath. So, I would explode, he would walk away, and I would follow, cussing him the entire time.

The first time that I had done that, I remembered the shocked expression on his face, before he recovered and yelled at me again.

"I'M TRYING NOT TO HIT YOU, CALLIE! GO THE FUCK ON NOW! I'M WALKING AWAY, SO LET ME!"

I would yell whatever I had left to say, then stomp my way back inside the house. He would eventually get over whatever it was, and walk back inside and act like nothing had happened. I couldn't even count the times that I had heard him beg for my forgiveness, and I would always give it to him.

Life had definitely not been boring in the last few years, but I could've dealt with a little boring right then, to be honest. I was tired of fighting, of walking on egg shells, so that I didn't piss him off, feeling like I had to hide from him, just to spare myself that horrible shut down that still happened to me. We had broken up a couple of times in the last few years, as well, but it never stuck.

I would hear rumors about things that he had done with other girls, drugs that he was doing, and how he had stolen something from someone, but I had no idea if they were true or not. He would even have me answering the house phone and his cell phone, because he owed people money. It was going to be so hard being without him, though.

I loved him too much, and I believed that he didn't love me enough. As much as I knew that I should learn to live without him, I wasn't sure that I could. I had been with him for three years.

Three years of my life and I was still considered a teenager, in age. I had grown up with him.

What was I supposed to do now? I heard the ladder clang against the side of the house, and it made me jump. I watched, and waited, for the old man to scream at me to get off of his roof.

Instead of seeing the weathered, wrinkled old face that I was expecting, beautiful blue eyes met mine.

"Colby." I breathed out, quietly.

"Hey Cal." He replied, with a soft smile.

I watched, as he maneuvered himself up and off the ladder. I swear he could be part monkey, with how graceful and accurate his moves were. He finally made his way over to where I was sitting, and sat down next to me.

He put his arm around me, and I leaned into him. We were both silent, just sitting there, with our heads turned upwards. The sky was beautiful, still.

The inky blackness was dotted with gray and black clouds, that could only be seen near the full moon's light. The clouds shifting in front of the moon had an almost glowing effect to them.

Rain was coming soon. I could smell it in the air.

I eventually quieted my sniffles, and wiped my eyes, before turning towards Colby.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

He shrugged.

"You wouldn't text me back, or answer your phone. I heard about what happened, so I assumed you would be here. I'm sorry about Will, Callie. I don't like the guy, but I'm sorry that you're hurting."

Tears welled up in my eyes again, with a couple drops falling, before I could get a handle on it. "It is what it is, I guess." I sighed. "I should've listened to you the first time he hurt me, but I was too stupid to realize what was happening right in front of my face."

"Hey, no." He said, turning to face me. "You're not stupid. You were in love. Love makes us do stupid things, Callie. You loved Will. Probably still do, even after all of this."

I didn't reply. I didn't want to admit it aloud, but he was right. I was still desperately in love with Will, and that probably hurt me more than anything else.

How could I still be in love with someone after they had done all of this? I swore that I would never be with a junkie. Not after seeing everything that had happened in my family, and how it affected the people that I love.

"I hate to bring this up at a time like this, Cal, but I need to." Colby said, after a few moments of silence.

For some reason, dread filled my stomach, feeling like hot lava solidifying there.

"What is it?" I asked, fearfully.

He took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his Justin Bieber haircut.

"Well, you know that I always planned on moving to LA, right?" He replied.

I nodded, and felt the lava ball get even heavier.

"We're leaving in two days. Sam and I. We're taking all of our savings and our college funds from our family, to make it until we can get jobs."

I smiled sadly. "That's great, Colby. You're following your dreams." I responded.

I wanted to cry again.

I had lost Will and now I was losing Colby.