The Choice (a Painful Past)

108

It was still me, and I still found all of the flaws that I had, but she had done a pretty good job of making me look pretty.

My face was contoured, to make it look skinnier, along with a narrow nose. My eyes were coated in this slightly sparkly, grayish eyeshadow. I knew she had used at least 3 different colors, but they were all melded together perfectly, to create this sort of smoky eye look.

My cheeks were a pale peach shimmer, and my lips stood out with a pale red gloss, that made them shine under the light.

"Wow." I whispered, staring at myself.

This wasn't me. Not at all, but I was still there. Underneath the powders and sprays.

There, in the line of my eyes. If you looked close enough, you could see that the ends were pointed slightly down, instead of the upward look that the eyeliner gave them. In the way that my top lip was slightly smaller than my bottom lip. The gloss was overlined on my mouth, which felt weird, but gave them the appearance of being perfectly pouty.

"Makeup works miracles." I replied, looking up to catch her gaze.

She grinned and rolled her eyes.

"The canvas was already beautiful." She said, flipping up one of the loose curls that she had put in my hair. "The makeup just enhanced it. Now, let's get you some jewelry." She turned and walked over to the hanging jewelry organizer that I had on my wall. "Let's see." She murmured to herself. "We'll take this one, and this one, maybe...no, not that one. These rings, that necklace, those earrings, that cuff, and...that should do it."

She walked back over to me, holding two handfuls of jewelry. She slid two black and silver bracelets onto my left wrist, one with ball chains, and the other with silver and black links. On my other wrist, she attached a chain bracelet that had a little moon charm hanging from it.

She passed the 6 or so rings, that she had picked out, to me. I slid them onto my fingers, then took the earrings from her. They were small but dangly, with a black and silver base, that had a sun and crescent moon imprinted onto them.

Around my neck went a silver chain lock necklace that matched my bracelet, and a safety pin chain that I never wore. Most of these things, I never wore. Hell, I hadn't even bought them until way after Will and I broke up.

I liked them, but I didn't have the confidence to wear them, especially in our sleepy little town. I would probably be laughed out of my own home, wearing this stuff, but it looked good with the outfit.

"You look perfect. Is there something better than perfect? Cuz you look better than perfect!" She gushed over me.

I blushed and shook my head.

"I don't know about that, but I definitely look different. You sure it's not too much?" I asked, as I looked down and moved my wrists, so that the bracelets gave off a tinkling sound.

"Nope. Just the right amount. You look HAWT!" She replied.

"Whatever." I laughed. "Are we finished?"

"Nope, now I have to get ready." She said, winking at me.

"Oh yeah." I replied. "So, do you need my help, or...?"

"Ha, no. I brought my clothes and makeup with me, so I'm good. It won't take me long." She answered.

I nodded and sat down on my bed, while she grabbed a large bag that she had brought with her and headed to the bathroom.

I opened the camera on my phone, to look at her miraculous work. I had to admit that I looked nice. Not model material, because makeup could only do so much, but pretty.

I hadn't felt pretty in an extremely long time. God, I couldn't even remember the last time I felt a little good about myself.

I decided to take a few selfies, while Denise was in the bathroom. I saw everyone taking selfies all the time, but I didn't. Especially not in front of other people.

It embarrassed me and made me feel like others were looking and judging me.

I smiled in a couple of the shots, rested my hand on the side of my head, with my fingers in my hair, then did the infamous "duck face," just to see if I could pull it off.

It wasn't bad. Usually, I deleted every single pic that I ever took, except for maybe one.

Should I post a couple?

I was so nervous about that, but figured why not? I could always delete them, if I changed my mind.

I opened Instagram and pressed the little plus sign that would allow me to make a post. It took me another 15 minutes to choose which two pictures I wanted to post, because now, they were all ugly and I hated them. I sighed and clicked the one with my lips pouted, and the one with my fingers tangled in my hair.

I looked stupid as fuck, like I was trying to be sexy, but just couldn't do it. It didn't matter though. I was going to post them.

Right? Maybe I shouldn't.

I mean, who was I to think that I could pull off some kind of sexy pose? I was far from that. I just couldn't do what other girls could.

I didn't have that type of appeal. The kind that looked effortlessly flawless, with their perfect skin and beautiful eyes and hair. The kind that could just look away, out into the horizon, while someone else took their picture, and it turned out amazing.

I couldn't do that. I wasn't that girl. Nah, posting them was probably not a good idea.

I would just get laughed at and probably berated by Will, if he saw them.

"Whatcha doing?" Denise asked, as she walked into my room, startling me.

"Oh, nothing." I replied, trying to hide my phone from her view.

"Uh uh, I see you over there trying to hide something. What are you doing, Miss Thang?" She insisted.

I blushed furiously.

"Nothing." I said again. "Just looking at my phone. That's all."

"Mmhmm, sure." She replied.

She held out her hand for my phone and I shook my head.

"No, cuz you'll just tease me." I replied. "Or start spouting that bullshit about me being beautiful."

"You are beautiful. It's not bullshit. Now, let me see!" She curled her fingers, indicating that I should hurry up and give her my phone.

I sighed and pulled it out from under the pillow, where I had stashed it.