The Choice (a Painful Past)

72

"I know, Momma." I replied.

"I just wanted to talk it out with you and see if you could think of something." She responded.

"I know, Momma." I repeated, with a heavy sigh. "But, I meant what I said. I'll take him. He's 8, almost 9, right? He's going to remember all of this. I'm working and I can probably get help, financially. And Will won't mind. He loves Ben."

She was quiet for a moment, taking it in. Long enough for me to start questioning what I had declared.

Was I making the right decision?

Was I going to be able to raise a kid? I had just turned 20 and I didn't even know how to run my own life. I wasn't even sure that Will and I would be a forever thing, much less, if I wanted to be a mom.

Oh God.

"Are you sure, honey? This is a giant responsibility that you're asking for. I'm sure Ben would love staying with you, if you can get Will to stop showing his butt, anyway. The kid adores you and I know you love him." She said. "But don't feel like you have to do this. Do you want some time to think about it?"

I shook my head, even though she couldn't see me. If I had time to think, I might talk myself out of it, and Ben deserved to be with someone who loved him, and put him first. I would make sure that he was.

"No ma'am. I'll take him. What do I have to do?" I asked, decidedly.

"Well, I don't even know if they will give him to you. You have to go through all of these things that are required to be his guardian. With you and Will not being married, I don't know if they will even consider you. Is he still working?" She asked.

"Yes ma'am, he's doing really well at this job. He's been there for a few months and just got a raise, so he's making decent money too. My job isn't the best but I make enough money to pay the bills, with some left over." I replied.

I wasn't working as a waitress anymore. I had quit that job, when I was told that Will was hanging out with some girl, while I was at work. He didn't have a job at that time, so I decided that I wasn't going to work and pay everything, just for him to turn around and cheat on me, using the money that I had worked for.

He denied everything, of course, and I had no proof, so I let it go. But, I still quit my job, which forced him to get one. After he got hired on at a roofing factory, I found another job at a convenience store.

It wasn't bad pay, and I got plenty of hours, but sometimes, I got too many hours. I would have to have a talk with my boss, if I was allowed to take Ben.

"That'll definitely help then." Momma replied. "I'll call and see what your brother says. He wants to take both kids, but Darlene told him no, because they couldn't afford it. I'm not sure that their marriage is going to last much longer. He's not happy at all."

I didn't want to hear about my brother's relationship right then. I just wanted to figure out what I needed to do to get custody of Ben.

"That's terrible, Momma, but can you just tell me what I need to do for Ben?" I asked, impatiently.

"Oh yeah, okay. I'll call your brother and get whatever information we need, then you can get started. I'm gonna ask you again, Callie, because you need to be certain about this. It's a huge deal." She said.

I was terrified. I wasn't certain at all.

Was I going to screw this kid up more than his mom already had?

Was Will going to be a good father figure? There were so many things that I needed to think about, but it didn't matter right then. We would figure it out, when we got to that point.

For now, I just wanted him with me. The poor kid was probably scared to death, being taken from his mom and put with people that he didn't even know.

"Hey, is he still in the system? Or has Charles and Darlene went to get him?" I asked.

I really hoped that my brother had enough sense to get the kid.

"He got them both, on a temporary basis. He has to do the whole guardian thing too, even though he is the grandpa." She explained.

"Okay." I sighed, with relief. "Well, call him, and get back with me, please."

"Okay, I love you baby." She said. "I'm so proud of you." Her voice cracked on the last few words, and it brought tears to my eyes.

I had gotten my softheartedness from her. We were both as soft as marshmallows, and the slightest thing could hurt our feelings or make us cry. It was annoying, really.

"I love you, Momma." I replied. "Bye."

I disconnected the call, then walked to the living room, where Will was lying on the couch, watching TV. I sat down in the recliner, trying to figure out the right words to use, to tell him that he was going to be a father figure to Ben.

"Will." I said, quietly.

He looked away from the TV and over to me.

"Callie." He replied, with a sweet smile.

"I have to talk to you about something." I replied.

His eyes went wide, as he sat up.

"Oh, that's never something a guy wants to hear." He said, with worry in his eyes. "What did I do?"

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "Nothing. This time. I just need to tell you something. It's going to change our lives dramatically, but I really want to do it. So, just hear me out, okay?"

I held his gaze, and could practically see the wheels turning in his head, as he thought about what I had said. "Okaaay." He replied, hesitantly.

So, I explained everything that had happened with Ben and Des. I went on to tell him the living situation and how his grandmother didn't want to take him.

"Oh, that's fucked up." He breathed out.

I nodded and continued my story.

"Yes, it is. So, there's no one to take Ben. If no one takes him, then he'll end up in the system. I can't let that happen, Will. I just can't. That kid has my heart. So...I'm going to try and get custody of him. I hope you're okay with that, because I'm not changing my mind."

His eyes were wide, in shock this time, and his lips were slightly parted. It was only minutes that I waited for him to say something, but it felt like hours.

"Well then...it sounds like there's no changing your mind." He replied, licking his dry lips.

I shook my head.

"No, nothing is changing my mind." I confirmed.