The Choice (a Painful Past)

177 Colby's POV

I had known that this was going to happen, as soon as I made the choice to text that little prick back on her phone. I knew it, but I didn't care, at the time. Now, I was starting to regret my decision.

"You had no right to make that choice for me, Colby, right or wrong. It wasn't yours to make. You did exactly what Will had done a million times before." She said, quietly.

I sucked in a breath at those words.

"I'm nothing like him!" I exclaimed.

She just shook her head sadly.

"You took control, when I didn't ask you to. You may not be like him, but in that moment, you acted like him." Her words hung in the air around us, heavy and suffocating.

She was right. I knew that, but he had just pissed me off, by disrespecting her so badly.

"You're right." I admitted. "I do get to leave and not deal with the repercussions of my actions. I am sorry that I made it worse for you, when you aren't ready to deal with it. I should've just ignored what I saw and put your damn phone down. I just hate to see you treated like that. I guess I need to learn that I don't have to jump to your rescue. I'm sorry, Callie. I'm really, truly, so sorry. Can you forgive me?"

She sighed and looked back out at the gloomy horizon. "Of course, I do. I could never stay mad at you. Hell, I can never stay mad at anyone. This changed things though, Colby. I opened up to you, and this feels like you just threw it back in my face. I was drunk and probably shouldn't have told you most of what I did. It was all exaggerated anyway. Not as bad as I probably made it sound." She replied, as she looked down and started twisting a ring on her pointer finger.

Anger flared inside of me, hot and bright, searing my insides.

"That's bullshit!" I exclaimed.

She looked at me with wide eyes.

"What is?" She asked.

"That," I replied. "What you just said. Everything you told me was fucked up. It was traumatic and it hurt you. You can't keep hiding that. It wasn't exaggerated. It was the truth, and it was bad. Maybe I shouldn't have said what I said to him, but you can't keep making excuses for him. You don't wanna fight with him, fine, but I won't listen to you making excuses, trying to make him seem better than he was. That's him saying that stuff. Not you. He's still in your fucking head, controlling you, and he isn't even anywhere around you! THIS is why I did what I did. I was pissed the fuck off, after everything you told me that he did to you. I found your phone on the floor. It lit up with a notif, so when I picked it up, it unlocked and went straight to texts. When I saw that it was from Will and how fucking hateful and disgusting it was, it pissed me off even more. I was seeing red, Callie. I couldn't stop myself from scrolling and reading everything that he had sent you last night. He's sick, Cal. He's a narcissistic asshole that's never going to change. So, I take it back. I'm not sorry for what I did. Maybe I should have told you immediately. Hell, maybe I should've just gotten his contact and sent it from my phone, but I mean every word that I said to him. You don't have to explain yourself to any of these people! It took me a long time to learn, but it doesn't matter what others think of you, Callie. It only matters what you think of yourself."

She stood there, like she was in shock, with her lips slightly parted and her eyes still wide. Then, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. I could feel her anxiety inside my chest.

I knew that feeling well. It didn't happen to me quite as often as it used to, but I still remembered it. It was a horrible feeling.

Like you lost control and there was no way of getting it back. Like the end of the world was coming, but you couldn't do anything to stop it.

"It doesn't matter how horrible he is to me. You had no right, Colby. If I choose to deal with it, then that's my choice. I understand that you were taking up for me and I love you for that. You've always been such a good friend to me. I'm sorry that I haven't been a good one to you. Life just got in the way...no, I won't make excuses. I let life get in the way." She said, quietly, as she opened her eyes. "I know that I make excuses for him. I always have. To Ben, to myself, to my family. I've always tried to see the good in him. He does have good in him, Colby. The relationship wasn't all bad. I think that I just let the bad cloud the good, so that I don't see it sometimes. That's not an excuse. That's just what I do. As bad as things were, I did love him once. I still have love for him, because he was a giant part of my life for a really long time. I'm working on standing up for myself. I'm not there yet, but I never will be if I keep letting others do it for me. Do you understand?"

As I looked into her soft hazel eyes, my anger at Will depleted. I still wanted to kick his ass, and I was sure that if I thought about what he had done, then it would make me murderously angry again. But right then, in the dingy morning light, looking into her shining eyes that were begging me to understand, I got it.

She had to do this herself. I had to let her.

"Okay." I sighed, as I took her hand in mine. "But Callie, I can't sit back and see him treat you like this. If I'm around, then I'll try to be quiet, as long as you take up for yourself. If you don't, then I will jump in. You've gotta take that step, if you want others to let you do it. I understand what you're saying. I really do, but I mean what I say too. I want to help you do this, because he doesn't deserve this much control over you. You took the first step when you dumped his stupid ass. Now, you've gotta take a stand. Okay?"

She bit her lip and looked down at our joined hands. "I'll try." She whispered.

"That's all I'm asking." I replied.

I pulled her to me and wrapped my arms around her waist, in a tight hug. She clung to me, like saran wrap, and buried her face in my chest. I wasn't sure if I still loved her in a romantic way, but it felt like I did.

I didn't know if it was residual feelings from the past, or if it was just a feeling that would never go away, where she was concerned. I did know that she was one of my best friends, and I would do anything to protect her. She deserved better.

"I really do need to get home." She whispered, into my chest.

"I know." I said, softly.

She pulled back a little and looked up, into my eyes.

"Thanks for always being here for me. Thanks for coming back, even when I pushed you away. You mean so much to me." She said, giving me a soft smile.

I smiled back and pulled her close again.

"Love you too, Cal." I replied, gently.

She giggled, squeezed me tightly for a second, then pulled away.

"So, are you gonna hold me captive, or are you gonna take me home?" She asked, as a teasing light danced in her sad eyes.