The Choice (a Painful Past)

126

"Scared?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. "What in the world did you have to be scared of?"

He was silent for a moment, as he raised his hand to his helix piercing and started to twist it. "I was scared that you wouldn't see me, or that you would turn me away. We hadn't spoken in a while, at that time." He finally replied.

"Oh...Colby, I'm so sorry." I replied, as I felt the tears prick my eyes.

I had really pushed him away, and I knew that, but for him to say that he didn't know whether or not I would see him...it hurt. I knew that it was my fault though, and if I were being honest, I didn't know that I would have seen him. I did everything in my power to keep Will from being upset and seeing Colby would have definitely set him off.

Still though...I wondered what I would have done.

"I shouldn't have treated you the way that I did. I don't have a good excuse. I just...I'm sorry." I whispered.

I felt like shit, and I knew that I should, because I had been a shitty friend.

"No, it's okay. It's in the past. I was just answering your question." He replied. "Besides, Mom and Dad moved a few years back. They live closer to me now, so I see them more often. I miss home though. Sam's parents moved too. My brother still lives there though, and Sam's brother. They're in college right now."

"Oh yeah?" I exclaimed. "That's really great for them. I sometimes think about what I would have gone to school for, if I had gone. I really didn't have a clue what I wanted to do. Maybe creative writing, or business, or even journalism. Hell, I even thought about trying to be a chef, at one point. I guess I'll never find out." I hadn't meant to make it about me, but the thought just spilled out of my mouth.

"You know, it's never too late to go, if you want." He replied.

I laughed.

"I think I'm a little too old to be going to school."

He shook his head, and I admired the way his hair just fell back into place. "You're 25, Callie. Stop acting like this is the end of your life. People go back to school in their 40's!"

I looked down and started pulling that loose thread again. I felt like I would eventually unravel my entire comforter.

"Yeah. Maybe. We'll see." I replied, trying to change the subject. "What about you? Do you regret not going to college?"

"Nice redirection." He replied, wryly. "But, no, I don't. I've been blessed to do what I want and enjoy every minute of my life. I'm not held down by schedules, or a boss. I'm my own boss. Well, I guess Sam is kind of my boss sometimes, because he stays on my ass, if I try to be lazy." He laughed, and I saw the love he had for Sam in his eyes.

They really were as close as brothers.

It made me wish that Denise and I were closer. That wasn't possible though. We were close, but it wasn't like that.

We each had our own separate lives.

Sam and Colby were intertwined in each other's lives, so intricately. It was like a beautiful design that had separate lines, but those lines wove in and out of each other, to create something amazing. I was jealous of their relationship, but I was also extremely happy that he had something like that in his life.

Our nightly calls became a sort of routine thing, so when Colby didn't call me one night, I automatically got worried. I sat there, after Ben went to bed, staring at my phone, wondering if I should text or call him. I didn't want him to think that I was being weird, or something, but it wasn't like him to just not call me.

I chewed on my nails, nervously, while I pondered what to do.

"Fuck it." I replied, as I picked up my phone.

I didn't care if he thought I was weird. I just needed to know that he was okay.

I waited impatiently, while the phone rang. When his goofy smile filled the screen, I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Heeeey Callliiiiieeeee." He sang out.

"You're drunk." I replied, automatically.

"Yes. Yes, I am." He laughed. "Everyone, say hi to Callie!" He flipped the screen, so that I could see his surroundings.

I saw a lot of people that I didn't know, shouting my name and throwing their hands up, around a massive pool, with a rock formation around it. There were dim lights shining down so that they weren't in darkness, while they drank and had a pool party.

He flipped the screen back around and grinned, hugely, at me.

"Everyone says hi, Cal!" He exclaimed.

I laughed a little.

"Yeah, I heard. Well, I'll let you go have fun with your friends. I just got worried when you didn't call." I replied.

I didn't want to interrupt his fun.

"Nooo, stay. Party with me. We haven't partied together since high school. Hey, do you remember that Spin the Bottle thing? When we kissed the first time? That was awesome." He said, dreamily.

His eyes glazed over a little more, as he stared off into space.

"Yeah, I remember." I laughed. "I was pleasantly surprised by the freshman's kissing abilities."

His gaze met mine and he smiled. "Yeah? That was like a dream come true for me. Did you know that you were the first girl I ever kissed, where I actually felt it inside my bones? Yeah. That was when I was positive that I liked you. Damn it, Cal." He grumbled, looking disgruntled.

"What? What did I do?" I asked, perplexed at his sudden mood change.

"You aren't here." He replied, morosely. "You're supposed to be here. Why did you have to fall in love with a total asshole?"

I didn't answer, but I did hold his intense gaze for a moment. He was drunk and I didn't like arguing with drunks.

"I'm gonna let you go, okay? Have fun, Colby." I replied, then disconnected the call before he could respond.

I knew it was childish of me, but I really couldn't deal with any of the drunk or high on drugs bullshit tonight. I had no right to be disappointed. I mean, he was only 23 years old.

He had every right to hang out with his friends and have fun, with a few drinks. I had no right to say anything, or even feel anything, about the way he was living his life, and I wasn't sure why it felt like a blow to my gut.