The Choice (a Painful Past)

157

"I think we should go outside and smoke a cigarette really quick, before they get done with the blunt. They won't smoke it without us. Shawn will come get me, if we aren't back inside." She said.

"Okay." I replied.

"Hey babe, we're gonna go smoke." She said loudly, to get Shawn's attention.

He looked up and nodded, then went back to speaking to Nate.

Colby's eyes locked onto mine, making me forget how to breathe for the umpteenth time that day.

"Callie, come on." Sherri murmured, as she pulled me from the room. "Wow, it got a million degrees hotter in there! What was that?!" She asked, when I pulled the door closed behind us.

"What was what?" I feigned, as I gulped in the cool night air.

We propped our arms on the balcony gate, as we lit our cigarettes.

"Oh please, don't even. I'm talking about that LOOK that just passed between you two! Did something happen that I don't know about?" She asked.

"No." I blurted out, shaking my head. "Nothing like that. It's not- there's not- UGH!"

I didn't know what to say. There was truly nothing between us, but when he looked at me, I conveniently forgot that he was my best friend.

Instead, he turned into this gorgeous man that I shut down around, as my body decided to heat up.

"There's definitely something there, Cal. I'm sure everyone in that room could feel it. We'll get to that though. Tell me what happened with Will!" She exclaimed. "I bet he fucking hated seeing you with Colby." She let out a laugh and shook her head. "Fucking dickhead."

I nodded. "Yeah, he didn't take it too well. Kelly was with him, when we ran into him at the liquor store. I heard her asking for a bottle, but he said that they wouldn't have the money after he got what he wanted, plus cigarettes. You know, the same selfishness that he's always had." I replied.

I then went into detail, telling her every little thing that I could recall, including the way that my body had its memory reaction and tried to shut down in the middle of the confrontation.

"I hate him. I wish you had never got with him." She muttered, angrily.

I just shrugged.

"I don't know. It wasn't all bad. Plus, being in a steady relationship for so long helped me get custody of Ben. That's not all that happened though. He also got pissed because Sam and Colby showed up at Ben's birthday party. Pretty much called me a whore, who let other guys try and take his place as Ben's father."

Her eyes went wide and I saw the anger burning behind them. "Are you fucking serious?! Oh my GOD, Callie...why didn't you kill him? Or let Colby kill him!? That fucking asshole! When has he ever been a father to Ben? Maybe it was the Christmas's that he had to borrow money from your mom to get him a used toy truck from the GoodWill!? Let's not even mention the fact that he never paid her back! Maybe it was all the birthdays that he spent drunk or stoned out of his mind on pills?! He has NEVER been a father to Ben! Please tell me that you told him that!" She was practically yelling at this point, but they had the music pretty loud in the room, so I hoped they didn't hear anything.

"I didn't. Colby stepped in at that time. They shared a few angry words, then Will peeled out of the parking lot." I replied. "I shut down. I hate that I still do that around him. It's fucking ridiculous." I sighed heavily and shook my head. "I wish that I could just find the strength that I used to have. Even when I finally started fighting back with him. Now, I just hate all of the confrontation, so I don't say anything. I hate myself for it."

Sherri looked at me sympathetically, then pulled me to her for a tight hug. "He fucked you up, Cal. You'll find yourself again. I could kill him myself for what he's done to you. It isn't your fault though. You have to know that. You've been through trauma. It's going to take you a while to heal from that, but, one day, you will. I promise you. You're one of the strongest people that I've ever known. And I'm not just saying that because your family. I mean it. You got the very best parts of Aunt Mary in you. The only downfall is that you let people walk all over you." She pulled back and looked me in my eyes. "I know you're working on that though. I'll help you, if you need me to. You know I'm not afraid to be a bitch to anyone."

I laughed and wiped the few tears that started to fall from my eyes. "Maybe I'll be that way one day. It's just so hard. I don't even realize that I'm doing it, when it happens. It makes me feel so weak, to just sit there and take whatever he throws at me." I replied, quietly.

"You're anything but weak. Okay? Will is gonna get what he deserves one day. I promise you that. Karma is a bigger bitch than I am." She replied, with a smile.

I laughed again and nodded, but I didn't want to talk about it anymore, so I changed the subject.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you what all happened at the jail! It was fucking crazy!" I said.

So, I told her all the crazy things that we experienced, how scared I got, how happy Ben had been to do the investigation with Sam, and how Colby had kept checking on me.

"Mmm, but there's nothing there? Right. Whatever." She laughed. "I wish I had been there! God, that sounds amazing! I never really expected the jail to be haunted. I guess all we did was go there and drink or smoke though. Maybe we should have a sleepover in the jail one night. Just to experience some shit." She replied.

"That's actually not a bad idea." I mused. "Halloween is coming up soon. About a month. I could try and talk to the owners, to see if they'd let us."

I was getting excited just thinking about it.

Just then, the door to the room opened and Shawn poked his head out.

"Yo, fire in the hole. Y'all coming?" He asked.

Sherri and I both nodded, then I followed her inside the room. The guys were all piled onto Sam's bed, except Colby, who sat across from Sam on his own bed. I sat down next to him, leaving a few inches between us, so that we didn't accidently touch.

Sherri threw me a look, before sitting down next to Shawn, at the foot of Sam's bed. I put my cup to my lips and took a deep drink. I was nervous, but I didn't really know why.

Anxiety was a bitch.

I stayed quiet, while the blunt was passed around, and the group talked about nothing and everything. After Colby hit the blunt, he passed it to me.

I shook my head.

"No thanks. I don't smoke when I'm drinking." I replied.

"Actually?" He asked.

I nodded.

"I already told you this." I replied, laughing a little. "It makes me sick. I learned that the hard way. So, I'm good."

He shrugged a little and nodded. "Okay." He replied, then passed it over to Shawn.