The Choice (a Painful Past)

69

She held her arms out, and I didn't hesitate to throw myself into them. As soon as I was enclosed in my mother's warm embrace, the tears came again. I didn't mind this time.

Mom rubbed my back in small circles, as she kept repeating, "Shh Sh Sh, it's okay, baby. Momma's here."

I let loose everything, wailing in her arms. She let me go as long as I needed to, until I eventually fell quiet.

"Feel better?" She asked, meeting my gaze, as she pulled back.

I shook my head and sighed.

"Not really, but thank you, Momma. What are you doing here? You didn't tell me that you were coming home!"

She giggled, like a little girl. "I wanted to surprise you. We haven't talked in weeks, baby. How was I suppose to tell you anyway?"

I immediately felt guilty. I had been so wrapped up in my own life, and drama, that I never found the time to call my mom back. I was a shitty daughter.

"I'm sorry, Momma." I said, softly. "I just...well, I don't have a good excuse. I was just preoccupied, I guess."

She took me by the hand and led me to the kitchen table. "You wanna talk about it?" She asked, as she curled my hair behind my ear, like she did when I was a child.

"Yes ma'am." I whimpered.

I didn't worry about looking weak, or pitiful. I didn't worry about the fact that I sounded like a two year old, who had lost their favorite toy. I ugly cried, constantly gasping for air, and wiping my dripping nose.

Mom just sat there and listened. She held my hand sometimes. Other times, she would pull me in for a comforting hug.

I had missed my momma more than I realized. I was, and forever would be, a momma's girl. When I was finished telling her my story, it felt like the weight of a thousand bricks had been lifted off of me.

Nothing was fixed and I still felt lost and heartbroken, but I didn't feel quite as alone anymore.

"You know, when you have a child, they tell you how to feed them, change them, how to treat a cold...but they never tell you that the hardest thing you will ever have to do, is see your child with a broken heart. Because, you can't do anything about it. You can't stab the person who caused them pain." She said, smiling at me a little.

I grinned back and shook my head. I knew that she was saying it as a joke, but I also knew that she would stab someone over her kids.

In a heartbeat.

"I'm so sorry that you've had to experience this. Heartbreak is never easy, but you will heal, baby. I know that you love Will. I love him, too. He's like a son to me. I helped raise that boy, so it hurts me to know that he is the reason for your pain. I wanna mop the floor with his face, if I'm being honest. It looks like it could use a quick shine."

I gave a short laugh, as the image of her holding Will by his legs and mopping the floor with his face, entered my mind. "I would pay to see that." I replied, wryly.

"Hey, maybe a lot of people would. I could use the extra cash." She joked, with a shrug.

I think she was joking, anyway.

"Okay, change of subject." I said, waving my hand. "How long are you going to be home?"

"Well, I need to check in with your sister and your brothers. I was hoping that we could have a family dinner, or something, while I'm here. Maybe a week? Would that be okay with you?" She asked.

I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

"Okay with me? Why does that matter?" I asked.

"Because, this is your home, sweetie." She replied, softly.

I shook my head.

"No. This is your home. This will always be your home. Don't ever ask if you can stay here, Momma. This house belongs to you."

She smiled, crinkling her eyes up as she did. She reached her hand up and swiped away one lone tear that clung to her eyelid. She pulled me to her with one arm, so that the side of my head lay against her face.

I felt it when she pressed her lips there, and I closed my eyes.

"I love you so much, baby." She whispered, as she hugged me tightly.

"I love you, Momma." I whispered back. "Always and Forever."

"Okay." She said, pulling away from me. "Enough of this crying and sappy talk. Let's go do something. What would you like to do? We have a little time before dinner."

"But, you're cooking." I replied, motioning towards the stove, where the bacon lay in a pan of it's own grease.

She shrugged.

"Oh well, we have more. I'll throw that out to the cats. Do you want to go get lunch? We can go to your favorite place."

I smiled and nodded. My favorite place wasn't really my favorite place to eat. It was my favorite place because Momma loved the food there.

We would go every Sunday, after church, to get our plate of Southern food.

"I'd love to. Just let me get changed."

It didn't matter that I hadn't had a wink of sleep. It didn't matter that I was so heartbroken, I could barely think straight. All that mattered, right then, was spending time with my momma, and forgetting all of the bad stuff, if only for a little while.

The entire week that she was there, we did something together every day. I soaked up as much with her as I could.

We went to lunch at a different place every day. We would get giant purses and stuff as much junk food and drinks as we could into them, then go see a movie. She always insisted that movie theater food was highway robbery and she would never pay for it.

So far, we had never been caught. The only time that I was away from her, was the day that Colby left. Even then, I was only out in my yard.

He drove over in his red Toyota Corolla, with Sam in the passenger seat, and the backseat loaded down, with what looked like everything he owned. I was already outside waiting for him, because he had texted me to let me know that he was stopping by before he left.

I was already trying to hold back the tears. He and Sam stepped out of the car and walked towards me. I met them halfway.

I threw my arms around Colby's neck and clung to him, tightly. His hands came around my back, with one in my hair.

"Hey Cal." He whispered, with his warm breath caressing my ear.