The Choice (a Painful Past)

88

"We better go before they riot." I said, taking one last draw from my cigarette.

I dropped it on the ground, then crushed it under my sneaker.

"Yeah, they're getting restless." Denise laughed.

"Can we go ahead?" Xan called out.

He and Ben were bouncing on the heels of their feet, impatiently waiting for us to catch up.

"Go!" Denise yelled back. "Just don't get any further than one house ahead and stay where I can see you."

"Mom? Can I?" Ben asked.

I nodded.

"Go for it! Same rules though!"

"Yes ma'am!" He replied, happily.

Every time I saw that smile on his face, it made me smile. All of the kids took off, running towards the first house.

"Skyler, watch your brother!" I yelled, as  Mason's little legs tried as hard as they could to catch up to the bigger kids.

"Awww." Skyler moaned.

He stopped running and waited for his brother to catch up.

"Just for a little while, okay?" I told him. "I want him to feel like he's included, but I'll take over later, so that you can have some fun."

"Yes ma'am." He replied, morosely.

Denise snickered, before she lit herself a cigarette.

"Kids, man." She said, shaking her head.

"Facts." I replied, laughing.

Will and Mikie were behind Denise and I, talking to one another.

"I don't know, man." I heard Will say. "She just said she doesn't love me anymore."

"Yeah, that's what Denise said, too." Mikie replied.

Denise and I looked at each other, then sped up our walking. Neither of us wanted to hear that conversation tonight.

I tried to have fun the rest of the night, but Will's attitude put a damper on things. I ignored him the best that I could, but it would make me tense up every time he spoke. I was scared that, if I said anything, he would get pissed and cause a scene.

I didn't need the kids' night messed up, because of him. Even though we sped up, it seemed like the guys did too, because I ended up hearing them again.

I ignored every time that Will brought up our relationship to Mikie. I ignored every sad reply, and every loud sigh. It was really starting to grate on my nerves though.

I took pictures of the kids, laughed at them running from Leather Face with a chainsaw, and helped them inspect pieces of candy, so that they could eat a few before we returned home. If I didn't have Will's words in the back of my mind, the night would've been perfect.

When we had hit every house on the block, we were all exhausted. I was so glad that I had opted for scrubs and sneakers, because a skirt and heels would have killed me. The people who had golf carts to ride to each house, were lucky.

We trudged the short distance back to the car, with the kids laughing and talking in front of us. They had a great night, and for that, I was thankful.

"You guys doing anything else tonight?" I asked Denise, when we reached our cars.

She shook her head.

"Nope. I'm too damn tired now and they have school tomorrow."

"Shit, that's right." I groaned.

Having school, the day after Halloween, should be illegal.

"We can hang out this weekend though, if you don't have all the kids." She replied, as she took off her glowing headband.

"Yeah, okay. That sounds fun. We can have a girl's night." I responded, smiling at her.

"Awesome. I'll text you." She said. "See you later!"

We all waved goodbye, except Will, and climbed into the car. I already knew it was coming, before I even started the car. I was just waiting for it.

As soon as I pulled out of the CVS parking lot, Will let out a loud, heavy sigh.

"Looks like you have plans this weekend. Bet you're gonna meet some guy that treats you better than I did." He huffed out, sullenly.

"Not going to be hanging out with guys." I sighed. "Just Denise. She'll probably do my nails or something. That's it."

"Yeah, I'm sure." He replied, sarcastically.

I took a deep breath and didn't reply. The ride back to his house was pretty quiet, since the kids were pretty tired.

When I pulled up into his driveway and parked, he just sat there quietly, until I couldn't take it anymore.

"Will, I have to go. The kids have school tomorrow." I said, quietly.

"Yeah, I know you want me to leave. You don't have to rub it in." He replied.

"Oh my God, will you please stop? Not tonight, okay?" I begged him.

I glanced in the rearview and saw that all of the kids were asleep. Thank God.

"Yeah, whatever. It'll probably be never. I'll see you whenever." He replied, shortly.

He got out of my car, without waiting for a response and closed the door. I sat there, with my low beams on, until he went inside his house.

"Jesus Christ." I prayed to the night sky. "God, please help me deal with this. Please don't let it affect Ben."

I backed out and started towards my home, thinking about how messed up Will had made this night. I didn't understand him.

He claimed to love Ben and said that he had accepted him as his own, so why were his feelings so much more important than Ben's? It didn't make sense to me. I would go without anything, just to make that kid happy.

I hid all of the bad things that I could from him, so that he could keep his childlike innocence just a little longer. I guess Will had always been about himself first, though. No matter what, it was always about what he needed first. Everyone else came second.

I shouldn't have been surprised that he treated Ben the same way.

"Come on guys, time to wake up." I said, after I pulled into my driveway and parked.

I reached back and shook Ben's leg.

"Come on, Sleepyhead!" I said. "It's time to go in and eat some candy!" These words pretty much woke them up, but they were so groggy that they only ate a few pieces, after we made sure they were safe, took their baths, and then went to bed.

I climbed into the shower, to wash all of the gunk off of myself, then changed into my favorite pair of pajama shorts that I had. They were black, with little white roses on them in various places, and super soft and comfortable.