The Choice (a Painful Past)

89

When I finally finished everything, I was beyond worn out. My entire body felt like silly putty.

I melted into my bed and pulled out my phone to post the Halloween pictures to Facebook. It only took me a moment, but when I started to get a lot of notifications, back-to-back, I grew concerned.

Did I put the wrong thing on there? Oh, God! What did I do?

I darted back over to the post that I had made and saw the likes on every single picture and a comment on most. They were mostly from Will. Apologizing, yet again, for everything that he had done.

He went on a rampage, talking about me going out this weekend, and about me meeting someone else. I had to comment this time.

I was tired of it.

"For the last time, I'm NOT going out searching for a stupid MAN! I don't want one! You've ruined me for anyone else, Will. I know that. So, don't worry, I won't be meeting anyone this weekend, or ever. Now, PLEASE, stop bringing my personal life to fucking social media!"

I knew he would pop back with some smart ass answer, so I logged off and went to Instagram. I immediately went and blocked his four different profiles, that I knew about, before I posted the pictures to my page. I couldn't handle it on both sites. There was no way.

As much as he pissed me off, I still felt like I was doing something wrong. Like, maybe I should wait until he's healed a little, before I let him know that I'm going out. I probably should have kept that to myself, instead of talking about it in front of him.

Damn it. This was my fault. I had to be more careful.

I really wasn't going to be doing anything, but he was convinced that I was, just because I broke up with him. The really fucked up, sad part about it was that, even after all of this, after everything that I had been through, I still fucking loved him. I still didn't want to see him with anyone else.

I didn't love him like I did before, but there was no unloving someone. Not completely. Not if you ever really loved them.

It just got easier to deal with...or so I had been told. So far, the easier part hadn't come. I wanted to just fast forward through all of this mess.

As much as I didn't want to see him with anyone else, I kind of wished that he would find someone. Just so he would leave me alone. If he was out of sight, out of mind, it would probably be easier to accept.

Right now, he was just always texting me, calling me, and stalking my Facebook page. God, it had to get easier, because I wasn't sure how much longer I would be able to handle this.

It had only been about 3 weeks since we had broken up though. Maybe I was expecting too much, too soon.

I was thinking about all of this, while scrolling on Instagram. I was already bored with this app, but it was probably because I only followed the people that I knew from school and a few celebrities that I liked. I didn't even really know how to use the damn app.

It was all new to me, since Will hadn't liked me using it. I went to the explore page to see what that was all about.

At first, there was nothing. Just some women selling health products, nails, or something to that accord.

Then, I found videos that people had made of some of the celebrities that I followed, like Jensen Ackles. Supernatural would forever and always be my favorite show. I was definitely a Dean girl.

The edits that I found were actually really good, surprising me.

How the fuck did people do that? I could make a slideshow, but that was about it. I kept scrolling, just wasting time.

Just as I was about to put my phone up and try to sleep, an edit of Colby Brock came into view.

"What the fuck?" I whispered to myself, as I sat up in bed.

They had fans?!

Okay, I knew that they had fans, because I saw how many people followed him, but they were well known enough for people to make edits of them?! This was actually blowing my mind. I clicked on the edit, and it took me to another page that was full of edits of him and Sam.

"Are you kidding me?" I said aloud, smiling at my phone.

Pride swelled up in my chest so big, I thought I would pop. Tears stung my eyes, as I watched video clips of the boy I once knew and his best friend hugging or acting incredibly stupid together.

"Oh. My. God!" I squealed, forgetting that everyone was already asleep. "Oh, shh, shhh." I said, stupidly shushing myself.

I couldn't help it. I was so excited and outright laughing at what I was looking at. A young Sam and Colby were in wigs, with their skinny bodies tucked into dresses.

Sam had fucking triple D's or some shit, while Colby had no boobs at all. The voices they used and the attitudes they exuded had me dying.

Before I knew it, I had been taking in video clips and edits for well over an hour, just lying in my bed. My eyelids grew heavy, even as I laughed at them sliding off of a dish soap covered inflatable mattress that they had in a pool. I wondered if that was their home.

Eventually, I was forced to put my phone down and sleep. For the first time in a long time, I woke up feeling rested and happy when my alarm went off. I wasn't even dreading dealing with Will, like I usually was.

I decided that I would completely ignore him today. Maybe the rest of the week. Who knew?

Even as a smile crossed my face, I immediately felt bad. That was mean and I didn't want to worry him. God, I was constantly fucking up with this situation.

I didn't know how to be broken up with him. Especially since Ben was in the middle of it.

The next few days flew by, and my excitement about going to Denise's turned into anxiety. I hadn't really hung out with her in forever and never alone. Unless we were at the boys' scout meetings.

The last time we had hung out outside of the things with the kids, she was still with Mikie, and I was still with Will.

What if she wanted to go out to a bar or something? I wasn't really up for that yet. Hell, I didn't even want to drink, because I had to drive back home.