The Choice (a Painful Past)

35

My heart twisted in my chest a little. After today, it was apparently still so easy for him to forget. I knew that he would probably cuss me out, if I forgot about him.

"So, goodnight my love, I had an amazing time today. I love you." He texted.

"Goodnight, I love you too." I replied, then turned my ringer off and set my phone down on my bedside table.

I didn't hear from Colby last night, or today, but I turned my ringer off, just in case. I didn't really feel like talking to anyone just yet. Maybe one day I would tell him and Sherri, but not anytime soon.

Life went on, as it always does, and I did end up telling them both about a month after it happened. They reacted exactly how I thought they would.

"Oh my GOD! Really?" Sherri had exclaimed. "How was it? Was it amazing? Did it hurt?" She probably asked a million more questions, and I answered every single one of them.

Maybe not honestly, but I still answered them. I had, more or less, gotten over the initial feeling of loss by then.

Will and I had sex every chance we got, now. It had gotten a lot more enjoyable, to my relief. It always lasted at least a half hour, depending on where we had to do it at.

Sometimes, we would park down an old dirt road, pulling off behind some trees and do it in my truck. Other times, we would go to his house, because his parents never checked on us and he could lock his door.

One time, he forgot to do that, and his dad walked in on us, while I was giving him head. I was mortified, but Will just laughed it off.

He had already mentioned me going to the health department to get free birth control, because he was tired of wearing condoms. I was just really nervous about doing that alone, and he didn't plan on going with me.

"Nah, I don't like going to doctor's offices. I'm sure this is basically the same thing. Plus, they like to give long, drawn out, warnings of how being safe protects you from all of this stuff. Blah, blah, blah, we already know all of that. But, you can text me while you're there, if you get nervous. Dana said there was nothing to it though." He had said.

I had just sighed and nodded. I still wasn't sure when I was going to go up there yet, though.

Colby had been upset, just like I predicted.

"That's bullshit, Callie, and you know it!" He had exclaimed, angrily, when I said that it had been my choice. "He basically forced you into it, just by constantly bugging you about it and getting mad, when you said no!"

"How did you know...?" I had asked, confusion coating my tone.

I had never told him that.

"Please." He had almost spat out. "He gets mad when you disagree with him about anything. I can only imagine how mad he got from you not wanting to have sex with him. You deserve so much better than him, Callie! Why can't you see what a piece of shit he is?"

"Because, he's not!" I had replied. "He only got upset, because I had promised, and then changed my mind. He doesn't get mad when I disagree with him, either! You don't know what you're talking about, Colby."

I pushed down that little part of me that wanted to agree with him. No, I loved Will and he loved me. Couples had disagreements and arguments.

"Anyway, it doesn't matter now. It's done. I only told you, because you're my friend and I share big moments in my life, with my closest friends. I thought you were one of them. Maybe I was wrong. I'll talk to you later." I had hung up, and immediately started to cry.

Later, he apologized and said that he always wanted to be a part of my life. He told me that he would prefer it if I told those kinds of details to someone else, though. So, I agreed, and neither of us mentioned it again.

It had been a year since Will and I had first started dating. Being with him hadn't been this fairytale romance that I had dreamed of. Unfortunately, I had to fall deeply in love with him, before I realized it.

I had to quit school, before I realized it.

Now, here I was, crying my eyes out, sitting on a rooftop at night, getting drunk as shit, with Colby sitting next to me. Thankfully, our friendship had lasted. I couldn't say the same about my friendship with anyone else, besides my cousin, Sherri.

She had a long term boyfriend now too, so we didn't see each other or talk as often as we should've.

"Col-byyy." I wailed, "Why did he have to do this to me? Was I not enough? Did I do something wrong?"

"Look at me, Callie." He said angrily.

I flinched away from his tone, but I met his gaze.

It softened immediately.

"I'm not angry at you, and I could kick his ass for making you flinch every time someone sounds angry."

I would've laughed, if my heart hadn't been crushed. Colby was still just a skinny, dopey kid that had never been in a fight.

"He didn't ma-make me that way." I hiccuped. "I'm just drunk."

"Why are you still defending him?! After everything he has done, and you're still defending him! I don't understand it, Callie." He said, with exasperation coating every syllable.

I didn't reply, because the only answer I had was that I still loved him. Deeply, like so deep, down to the very core of my being.

"He has cheated on you multiple times. This time, you just saw it with your own eyes." He said.

His words shot through my heart, bringing the image of what I had seen to the forefront of my mind.

Will was at my sister's house, hanging out with my nephew, Daniel. He and Randy had moved back in with her, because she had supposedly straightened herself out. I had to go over there to get something that my mom had left, last time she was there, so I decided to surprise Will. When I opened the front door, all I saw was Will lying on top of a younger girl named Laura, heavily making out with her.

"Oh, shit." I heard Daniel say quietly, although it barely registered.

I watched, as Will jumped up, with shock on his face.

"Callie!" He exclaimed, in surprise. "This isn't what it looks like. I can explain."