The Choice (a Painful Past)

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I never acknowledged it vocally. Instead, I just gave him the biggest hug that I could, with tears in my eyes.

The only bad part was that he also started calling Will "Dad."

I didn't mind it so much, at the time, but over the years, I regretted it. There was no way to stop it though. He would be old enough, one day, for me to tell him what Will was really like, and then I would let him make up his own mind.

Until that day, I wasn't going to keep him from seeing Will. God, I was thinking like we were already broken up. Maybe that was a good thing though.

I just needed the strength to say the actual words to him.

Halloween was coming up, so I put all of that out of my mind, and used the money that I had hidden to get Ben a costume. I loved Halloween, but I couldn't afford a costume for myself, so I decided to make one. I still talked to Will everyday, on the phone, and we texted.

I went through the motions for about a week, before I told him.

Then, the day came. The day that I finally had enough. The day that I could finally tell him that I didn't love him, or want to be with him.

It happened about two weeks before Halloween. It was late, and I had already put Ben to bed, because he had school the next morning. I sat outside on the front porch steps, smoking a cigarette, while I stared up at the inky black sky.

There were no stars this night. Their twinkling lights were hidden by the heavy clouds, left over from that day's storm. The ground was wet, sparkling a little in the yellow glow of the security light that was in my yard.

The night was peaceful, except for the sounds of the nighttime wildlife and insects. There was a slight chill in the air, so I pulled my sleeves down over my hands, as I held up my phone to see Will. He wanted to Facetime, so I guess I would be doing this face to face, in a way.

"Hey Beautiful." He said, smiling at me.

I smiled back, but it was just reflex. He never noticed when something was wrong with me anyway, so it didn't matter.

"Hey." I replied.

"I miss you." He said. "I wish you were laying with me right now."

I looked away, up at the sky again. I had to do this. There was no going back.

I was going to die, either by taking my own life from depression, or just my soul dying from being so unhappy. I couldn't live like this anymore.

The last couple of weeks had been the best that I had in a very long time. I had fun in the simplest things, even if it was just watching YouTubers play scary games, with Ben.

"Will, we need to talk." I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

"Uh oh." He replied, laughing nervously. "That doesn't sound good. Should I be worried?"

I didn't answer him at first. I had to collect myself again. This was going to be so hard to do, because I was still terrified of being without him.

I didn't love him, not like that, anymore, but I was so used to him being part of my life. I was scared of the future and what it would bring.

Was I going to die an old woman, with no one to love me? My resolve started to waver, so I shook the thoughts from my mind. I could worry about that later. One problem at a time.

When I met his gaze again, his eyes were filled with worry and uncertainty.

"Callie, don't do this." He said, already knowing what was coming.

"Will, I can't do this anymore." I breathed out, quickly. "I just can't. I don't love you like I used to and I'm not happy. I haven't been for a very long time."

"You don't love me?" He asked.

I could tell that he was about to get angry, but I just didn't care.

"No. Not like that. Not anymore. I tried to, Will. I did. I tried to let everything that you have put me through go, but I couldn't. I can't. I let it build and build, but every time you cheated on me, every time you lied to me, or stole from my family, from BEN, my love for you died a little more. So, no, I don't love you."

"How do you just fall out of love with someone?" He exclaimed. "I don't believe you."

I shook my head. "No, I didn't fall out of love with you. You killed my love for you. I'm sorry, but this is just how it is. I'm 25 years old, Will, and I've been with you since I was 16. Do you realize how many times you have cheated on me? I don't, because I lost count. Do you know how much you've lied to me, or stolen from me or my family? Will, you lied to me and hid your tax return, so that you could buy drugs instead of helping me with Ben's school clothes and stuff. That's fucked up. You're like a father to him, but he's not a son to you. Because, no real father would do that to their son. He is the most important thing to me in this world, and I can't continue to let you hurt him, or be a role model to him. I've already let it go on for too long."

"So, what then? You're just saying that I'm this horrible person! I haven't done anything like that in a while, Callie! You said that you forgave me!" He exclaimed.

"I thought that I had, Will. I tried to. God knows I tried." I replied, softly. "But, there wasn't just a couple of mistakes. It's been our entire relationship. When Destiny lived with us for those couple of years, you never treated her like a daughter. You always ignored her, or got upset when she didn't understand one of your stupid jokes. You always talk shit about my brothers, but they are more of a man than you will ever be. You want me to be like your mom. You want me to work and bring money home to you, so that you can do whatever you want with it. That's not me. I won't be that person. I don't want to be that person. Your mom is unhappy. I don't want that life. Not anymore. You're not a horrible person. You have a good heart. I truly believe that. You just have some things that you need to work on and I can't wait around anymore for you to do that. I'm sorry."

He sat there, staring at me through the phone screen, not saying a word for a few minutes.

"We really aren't going to talk this out?" He asked, finally.

I shook my head.

"No. There's nothing else to say. I'm sorry, but there is nothing you could say to make this right."