The Choice (a Painful Past)

68

I rarely spoke to Sherri anymore, and I had no one else. I had isolated myself with Will, only hanging out with his friends.

Now I had no one.

"I'm really happy for you." I added.

"Thanks." He replied. "I wasn't going to ask you, because you had a life here, with Will. I guess that doesn't matter anymore, so I'll ask." He took another deep breath and looked so nervous, I thought he was going to shake the entire house with his trembles.

"Colby, just spit it out!" I exclaimed.

He smiled at how impatient I was, then nodded.

"Sorry, just nervous."

"I can tell." I murmured.

"Okay, so, I wanted to ask you if you...if you wanted to come with us to LA." He finally sputtered out.

My mouth fell open in shock.

"What?" I whispered, letting the words roll around in my head.

I had to have heard him wrong.

"Do you want to move to LA with us?" He asked again, creasing his forehead. "I know this is sudden, and absolutely crazy, but I love you, Callie. You know that. I always have. This town has nothing left for you, but there could be so many possibilities in LA."

I was silent, my mind whirring with his question.

I couldn't do that...could I? No. This was my home. Even if I was completely alone.

Change scared me way too much to just move to the other side of the country. I had just had a major breakup that left my heart in pieces. This was too much at one time.

I shook my head at him, with my eyes wide.

"I can't." I whispered, scared that he was going to get upset with me. "I can't, Colby. I love you, but not in that way. You know that. Besides, I don't think I'm ready for another drastic change. I need some time to get over this. To get over him."

His face fell and he gave me a sad smile. "Yeah, I didn't think so, but I had to ask. Just remember that the invitation is always open though. I'm going to miss you, Cal." He said, quietly, as he pulled me closer to him.

I felt the hot tears start again, pouring down my face, like I was stuck in a thunderstorm. I bit my lip to keep those awful gasps from escaping my lips. My entire life was being upended and I couldn't stop it.

What was I suppose to do? I had no one. My mother was hours away, Colby was moving, Sherri had her own life, and Will...the rock that I had been resting on for all of these years, was no longer in my life.

I had to start over with nothing, with no one. I didn't know how to do that.

Colby and I sat there for a couple of hours, occasionally talking, but mainly just looking at the stars and the moon. I didn't want the night to end, but, like all things, it had to. We watched as the sky brightened at the edges a little, and the sun started to peek over the horizon.

The soft pinks and purples melded together, until the gold and orange became stronger and brighter. It was the most beautiful sunrise that I had ever seen.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Colby breathed out.

"Gorgeous." I agreed.

We sat there until the sun was halfway up, before Colby sighed and pulled away from me. I felt cold, even though it was a warm morning.

"I gotta go, Cal. I have a lot to do in two days." He said, meeting my gaze.

I mustered up a smile and nodded.

"Okay. I think I'm going to stay a few more minutes." I replied.

"Are you sure?" He asked. "You know the old man will be up soon and he'll lock the ladder up in his shed, if it's still up."

"I know. Just a few more minutes. I'll be gone before he gets up." I said, looking away from him.

I couldn't let him see the overwhelming sadness that was welling up inside of me.

"You gonna be okay?" He asked, softly.

I bit my lip and looked up at him.

"Yeah, I'll be okay." I lied. "Go start your life, Colby. You deserve this. Just promise that you'll call me all the time."

He smiled sadly, and nodded. "Of course, I will. I can barely go an entire day without hearing your voice. Love you, Cal."

I sniffed, then leaned over and pressed my lips to his soft cheek. "Love you too, Colby." I whispered.

I turned my head away from him then. I knew he still had two days here, but I couldn't watch him leave. It felt too final. Like this was the last time that I would see him, or talk to him.

I heard the ladder clang with his footsteps. I waited until I couldn't hear it anymore, then I let the dam burst. The overwhelming loneliness, that I had been holding back, surged up inside of me, spilling out of my eyes in hot, angry tears that wouldn't seem to stop.

I gasped for air, and my lungs burned from their lack of oxygen. I couldn't seem to catch my breath. The future, so terrifying and unsure, was something that I wasn't ready for.

I didn't know how to be alone and the thought of it had me shaking to my core.

The sun was all the way up now. I had stayed too long. I scrambled to the ladder and hurried down it.

After I had it hid, I jumped in my truck and headed home. There was a car in the yard that I recognized immediately.

"Momma." I whispered.

I hit the gas, rushed into my parking spot, then slammed the brakes. I ripped the seatbelt off of me, opened my door, and ran inside my home. The smell of bacon and Sticky Buns assaulted my nose.

I could hear gospel music playing, and my mother's sweet voice singing along.

"Mom?" I yelled out towards the kitchen, as I walked towards it.

I didn't get a reply, but when I stepped inside, my mother was standing at the stove. Her dark hair was pulled up into a bun, and she had an apron tied around her waist. I saw her little chihuahua sleeping on the floor, in his bed.

"Hey BoBo." I whispered, as I leaned down to pet him.

The next thing I knew, he woke up, and jumped on me, licking my face repeatedly.

"Gross." I laughed.

"Callie!" My mom exclaimed.

I looked over to her and smiled. She had her hand over her heart, like she had seen a ghost.

"Did I scare you?" I asked, laughing.

She reached over and turned the radio off, before she looked back and smiled.

"Just a little." She replied. "Come give me a hug. God, you've grown so much."