The Choice (a Painful Past)

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He paused for a moment, looking thoughtful.

"More of a get together than a party, I guess. It hasn't all been a dream though. It took a lot of hard work and realizing that not everyone had our best interests at heart." He replied. "I always think about you though. Wondering what it would be like if you had come with me, the day I left. Do you think, if you knew then what you know now, would you have come with me?"

I thought about that for a minute, as I looked back at my phone. I even held his gaze, without realizing it. I felt like I had been sucked into the clear blue and was just pondering my life's decisions, while I sat on a cloud in the clear blue sky.

"I don't think so." I said, quietly. "Some things have worked out for the best and other things...well, they had to be taken care of by me. I wouldn't want any of that to change and, if I had left, they would have. Like Ben, for example. I love that kid with my entire heart. He is my kid, and I wouldn't want that to change. Then, I was able to be here for my mom, when she needed me the most. I could never abandon her. I know she has other kids, but they wouldn't do what I'm doing. I already know that. So, no Colby, I wouldn't have come with you. Maybe I would've dumped Will a lot sooner, though." I laughed shortly, realizing how true what I said was.

I would have loved to go with him and Sam to LA, but then, what would've happened with Ben and my mom? No, I needed to be here and to be in my situation, so that I was ready to help them, when the time came. I think they may have been the only reason that I survived being with Will.

Honestly, I may have ended it all, if it hadn't been for them. I had to admit that the thought had crossed my mind multiple times, but they always reminded me of what I had to live for.

"You're amazing, you know that?" He replied, looking at me with a slightly confused expression.

I felt my face flush and looked away again.

"No, I'm not. I'm just your average girl. I try to do what I can for those that I love, but that's about it. Otherwise, I'm a complete mess." I responded. "If tonight showed me anything, it was definitely that." I muttered.

"What happened tonight?" He asked, making my face flush red again.

I didn't think that I had said that loud enough for him to hear.

"What?" I asked, in surprise. "Huh? Nothing happened."

Christ, I did not want to tell him just how screwed up I was. He would probably hang up and block me on every platform. Plus, he had already seen me be weak when we were young.

I so hated that everyone saw me as some weak ass female now. It hurt, but more so, it was starting to piss me off. At myself, because this is definitely not the girl I was before Will.

Hell, I hadn't even finished growing when I completely altered who I was for him. I only had myself to blame though.

"I don't believe you." He said.

I watched as his eyes darkened a couple of shades.

"Seriously, it was nothing. I thought I was ready to get back in the game, after Will, but apparently, I wasn't. That's all." I replied, shrugging like it was nothing.

"That doesn't make you a complete mess, Callie. Everyone heals in their own time." He said, softly.

For some reason, his tone made me angry. Rationally, I knew he was just trying to help, and that I wasn't actually mad at him. I was just sick of being weak and having everyone talk to me, like they thought I would just fall apart at the slightest word.

"I know that, Colby. Look, just drop it okay? This night has been long enough, as it is. Denise has been hovering like a mama bear. I don't need you doing it too." I replied, in an almost scathing tone.

This was not how I wanted our first conversation to go, but as usual, it was my fault. He was quiet, while I tried to figure out what to do.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to be short with you. It's just been a helluva night. I think I'm sick of everyone feeling sorry for me. I just don't want to talk about anything that relates to Will, only everything relates to him. Can you just talk about yourself, or something?" I pleaded.

I felt really bad for getting short with him. Hell, it had been a while since I had gotten short with anyone, except Will.

See? Everything goes back to Will.

I sighed and waited for him to accept my apology or hang up on me. I wouldn't have blamed him if he disconnected the call. Not at all.

"Okay." He replied. "No more talk of the giant bag of dicks. My life? Hmm, what do you want to know? That's a lot of years to cover."

I giggled at 'the giant bag of dicks' part.

"I don't know. I obviously know that you and Sam are still friends and that you are working together really well. Does that mean that you guys are still best friends or is it all just for the business now?" I asked.

"Oh, that's an easy one. Sam will always be my best friend. I've made other friends here, of course, even another guy that I'm really close with, but Sam will always be number 1. No matter what. He's my brother. I mean, we fight sometimes, but we've learned how to work it out in a mostly adult manner." He replied.

I had assumed as much, but it was the only question that came to mind, besides the most obvious burning question that I had. I cleared my throat and nervously started pulling at a loose thread in my comforter.

"Um, that's really great. I'm glad that you have someone like that. Someone that you can actually count on. What about girls? Anyone special in your life?" I asked, pasting a smile to my face and looking back to meet his intense blue gaze.

If I weren't careful, I could get lost in those eyes. He grinned, as I saw a glint jump to those eyes.

"Why? You fishing around for info, Callie? Wanna know what your old buddy has been up to in the streets and the sheets? Maybe you wanna jump in those sheets too? I don't know, I'd have to check my schedule. I'm a busy man, after all." He joked.

I started laughing, as I felt all of the nervousness leave my body.