The Choice (a Painful Past)

63

It just hurt me. Almost more than the hateful words that he had said to me last night. I nodded, unable to speak for fear of crying.

He sighed and let me go. I started walking again, when he called out my name.

"Cal?" He said, uncertainly.

I turned back to look at him, but I didn't say anything.

"I love you."

I held his gaze for another moment, then let out a breath. "I love you, too." I replied, then turned away and walked to the bathroom.

I closed the door and locked it behind me.

Usually, I would leave it open, because what was the point in locking it? I wanted my privacy this time though. I needed to think.

That's when I realized that the light was off. I flipped the switch, then turned towards the bath. I gasped, with what I saw.

The window was blacked out, not allowing much light in, so the many fragrant candles that were lit, and placed around the tub and on the shelves, gave off plenty of light. My robe hung neatly on the towel rack, with both of my towels next to it. The fragrant bath salts that he had dropped into the steamy water, was filling the room with the scent of pink grapefruit, mixing with the subtle hint of honeysuckle and oranges from the candles.

I breathed in deeply, and felt a large chunk of stress release when I exhaled. I stripped my clothes and gingerly sank down into the hot bath. I sighed, grabbed my bath pillow, and settled it behind my head.

I could stay in here all day, if the water would stay hot. I never wanted to leave this bath. I knew that Will was trying to make up for last night, with all this.

I mean, sure, he doted on me from time to time, but nothing like this. If he made a bath, it was for both of us and it usually led to sex. This time it was just for me.

I could see how bad he felt, by the sadness in his eyes. He hated himself for it and that broke my heart. Yes, he had called me some very hateful things that had cut me to the core, but he had been an angry drunk.

He never would've spoken to me like that, otherwise. I was still confused as to why Colby got under his skin so bad. It didn't make sense to me.

Okay, I knew he was pissed because Colby had kissed me. I got that. I would've probably lost my shit too, if some girl had kissed him.

Especially at our home, with me there. It was pretty disrespectful of Colby, to be honest, but I understood why he had done it. He did still have feelings for me, and I had led him on.

Then, I had openly been jealous of that girl...what was her name?

Jan? No, Jen. It was Jen.

But, I wasn't jealous of him dating her. I was jealous because she was stealing my time with him. I would just have to deal with that, because I knew that I wasn't always available to Colby, because of my relationship to Will.

I really hoped that our friendship was okay, but I knew that things had changed. Then, there was my relationship with Will.

Could we save this?

Would I be able to forgive him?

Would he be able to forgive me? I brought my hand up, then let it slap down against the water, causing it to splash up against the side of the tub. Ugh, this was just all too much and I hated this shit.

I hated having to deal with drama and complicated situations. I hated arguments and yelling, and everything else that came with it. Confrontation wasn't my strong suit.

I loved Will. I did. With my entire heart.

I loved the way he would give me a smile, with just one corner of his lips turning up. I loved the way his pretty hazel eyes would move over my body, like fingertips caressing me. I loved the way he made me feel, when we were together.

It was just his anger issues that I hated. So, we would have to do something about that, then, because I didn't think that I could keep dealing with that, but I didn't want to end the relationship. My heart hurt just thinking about it.

I needed Will in my life. He had my heart in the palm of his hand. So, we would talk it out. Like people in real, mature relationships were supposed to.

I felt better, as soon as I made my choice. Things would have to change, but I still wanted to be with him. We could work it out. I knew we could.

I stayed in the bath, until the water started to turn cold. With a regretful sigh, I let the water out, then stood and turned the shower on hot, so that I could actually wash my hair and body. Afterwards, I stepped out of the tub, into the cool air of the bathroom.

I grabbed one of my towels, rubbed my hair quickly, then tied it up in the towel. After I dried off, I threw my lotion on as quickly as possible, then drew my robe on. It was nice and cozy, just like terry cloth was supposed to be.

The bath was exactly what I needed. My body was relaxed and I was definitely in a better mood.

I unlocked the door, then padded to my bedroom. I left the door open, like I always had before, and started looking through my closet for whatever shirt I was going to wear that day. I didn't have to work and I had no plans to go anywhere, so I chose an extremely short pair of cloth shorts with a drawstring, and the heather gray shirt to match.

This was my favorite outfit to just relax in, because it was so comfortable, and it had a tiny black cat on the bottom of the shorts and shirt. Cats were my spirit animals, in my opinion. I loved everything about them.

I even had a black cat named Prissy. My childhood best friend had given her to me when I was 8 years old. She was a mean bitch sometimes, but she just got annoyed at stupid people. I could understand that.

I took off my robe and threw it on the bed, along with the towel that was on my head. I pulled on my underwear, decided against a bra because I wasn't going anywhere, and slid my shirt on over my head.

Just as I was about to step into the shorts, I heard Will's voice.

"Hey." He said, softly.

I froze for a second, panic overtaking my body, just because I wasn't ready for any kind of talk yet. I turned and met his sad gaze.

"Hey." I whispered. "Thank you for the bath. It was amazing."